Broken grandma

Discussion in 'Failure to Thrive' started by Vickie Rossi, Jan 4, 2018.

  1. Vmr

    Vmr New Member

    I have guardiaship of my 13 year old granddaughter. K can be very physically and emotionally abuse.we have had the police at our house so many times that they even commnt on something new we have done to the house. She has been on many 51/50 holds.(taken there in hand cuffs). She breaks our house and my relationship with my husband is Deteriorating.. We have tried many different medications and nothing works.
    I am now working with CPS, To possibly temporary relinquish rights to get help.. But before doing that we had a family friend that lives 9 hours away from us that decided to give it a try.. K loves it there and loves her kids. She was supposed to stay there for 5 Months and finish school there, because I could not get her to go to school . Well it lasted 2 weeks. Yesterday she got pulled from the house by the police CPS took her and we have to go pick her up.
    So now I'm back with maybe having to temporarily relinquish rights but that scares me. They say there is a new law in California that you could turn over guardianship temporarily for behaviors. I got 2 short weeks of respite And that wasn't enough. I am shaking inside about bringing her Home because she controls my life. I love her with all my heart but I feel like I'm in a domestic violent situation with her. We live in a small county and have used every Resource avalabe to us.ANY advise is welcome.
  2. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome, V

    (If this is your real name, you should change it for your minor child’s protection and anonymity)

    Others will come with more knowledge on this than I have, but I just want to say that it sounds like you don’t have any other choice but to turn over guardianship.

    I’m sorry it didn’t work to have her live with your friend, but it sounds like it was doomed to fail. Our difficult kids don’t act the way they do because their home life is bad or their parents/guardians don’t know how to parent.

    I used to be one of the many people who blamed the parents for the kids behaviors, and thought I could do better. My step sons (and this forum) convinced me otherwise.

    The parents on this forum have gone way above and beyond for their kids/grandkids. If love could fix them, this forum wouldn’t exist.

    Stay with us and continue reading and posting.

    This is a great group of parents who know what you are going through.

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  3. Vmr

    Vmr New Member

    Thank you for the heads up about my name.I didn' know it would appear on the thread and thank you for the encouraging words. This is been extremely difficult Especially with everybody's advice on How I should be parenting her. I look forward to any and all advice I can get from all the people on this Forum
  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    VMR, welcome. I'm so very sorry you're going thru this with your granddaughter.

    I raised (and had guardianship) of my granddaughter too. From 11 to when she left for college. I am also in California. (Sonoma County)

    Your granddaughter sounds very difficult. Has she been diagnosed?

    My granddaughter had more typical needs so I was fortunate not to have to deal with all that your dealing with. It's so hard at our age heart goes out to you.

    I would encourage you to get as much help as you can. Get yourself into therapy if you haven't already. Try contacting NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. They have excellent courses for us parents which can offer you guidance, information, resources and support. They may be able to help to get you connected to a therapist well versed in the kinds of issues your granddaughter has. They may also have options for your granddaughter. Give them a call if that feels right. You can access them online, they have chapters in most cities. You may also contact a Domestic violence center near you. They may be able to offer you insights or information.

    I found agencies here that helped grandparents who were raising their grandkids. Its epidemic now.

    I worked with CPS too, but that was because of my daughter not my granddaughter. I'm not aware of how temporarily relinquishing rights works.

    I would encourage you to seek out therapy for yourself and any other kind of support you can muster. It's imperative in my's almost impossible to do this alone. Google everything you can about grandparents with guardianship in your county and avail yourself to all that's offered. I did that and each step lead me somewhere I needed to be. You may have already done that.....

    This is hard stuff VMR. Get yourself support. Keep posting. Take very good care of yourself, it's easy to get depleted and exhausted. Nourish yourself.

    Hang in there. I'm glad you're here with us. You're not alone.
  5. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    I'm in California, too, and raising two grandchildren. One is a delight, and the other: well, not always delightful and is getting scarier as he gets bigger and older. It's a double whammy because we not only have the kids to worry about, we have our own kid to worry about that isn't parenting and probably has very worrisome issues of their own. I have no answers, just here to extend a hand in support and a hug. And yes, I understand the strain on a marriage. My husband is 10 years older than me is getting more tired by the day. I'm still working because supporting grandchildren on fixed incomes is nigh unto impossible, but I have to retire at some point to help him during the day, if nothing else.
  6. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    From one grandma to you guys deserve medals, academy awards, blessings, all of the gratitude I can muster to say thank you.......I know how hard it is......

    HMB, you're been thru the ringer and it continues. Sending you big hugs and all my wishes that you find peace in all of it.....hang in there.....
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