When we get to the end of our rope, completely, that is when we can actually "see" this, truly, for the first time.
Before that, we focus ALL of ourselves on "helping" our loved one. We can't see this. We can't see what we can't see.
It's only after we have tried it all 100 times, 1000 times that we sit, helpless, broken, in complete despair, and we cry out: Somebody please help me. Not one single thing I have tried has worked...what else is there? How can I live? How can I go on?
That is when there is a break in our denial, in our selves, for this light to begin to enter.
That is a very good day, even though it feels like the worst day of our lives.
I believe now, that it HAS to be like that for our adult DCs. Just like that. Until they are completely without resources to move one inch forward, they will not try something new.
And that is a very good day for them, too.
May we somehow get to this point, so they can somehow get to this point.
I needed to read this, thank you! I just gave my son his set boundaries, now I wait and see what his response will be. I have always tried to keep all my problems to myself. I reached the end of my rope last week, and then found this site. It has helped me realize the problem wasn't going to change, unless I changed. I am very nervous about what my son will do now. I gave him 2 weeks to get therapy or move out.
What a God shot! It's as though you writ this just for me, Childofmine. I think I'm actually there, at then end of my rope. It's been 12 years of serious drug addiction hell, moving from meth to heroin, jails, prison, rehabs, detoxes, sober homes, homelessness, back with me on a few occasions because maybe, just maybe it would be different this time. I can't regret what I've tried, how else would I know it wouldn't have mattered? I found more jewelry missing yesterday, family heirlooms. The thought that he just can't respect boundaries and somehow manages to enter my locked house to steal from me again has just really pissed me off. It feels good to be mad. It sure feels better than the constant worry and what if's. It is what it is and I need to truly "let go". I need to start living MY life as I'm accepting the fact the he will more than likely never chance. Heroin is a beast. I feel free tonight, ready to turn the other way. Thanks for this great post and the opportunity to share.