Is there a way to remove my registration? By far I have found almost everyone here supportive, nurturing, and understanding. I have learned a great deal in a short time and am grateful to everyone for the encouragement and advice. But I get criticized enough at home. I am still in mourning over the death of my son, saddened over the issues of my daughter, and trying to find a way to cope with husband and his kids. I joined this group for guidance and support, not to be criticized for what someone thinks I'm feeling or doing wrong because they're trying to read between the lines and analyze me.
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- Thread starter dlgallant
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wakeupcall
Well-Known Member
dlgallant, WHAT has happened? Oh my goodness, I'm sure no one meant any harm to you! I'm so sorry you feel this way. Can I help you in any way?
After having my day start really badly I posted about my daughter
difficult child didn't show up at her arraignment. She called 3 hours after she was supposed to be there in tears saying she'd mixed up the days and what could she do to fix this. I'm so tired. I'd be more inclined to help if she'd get out of the living situation she's in and get herself back into counseling.
A few hours later I was happy to report some progress and posted the following:
On a positive note, my difficult child showed up at my house and called the county atty and district clerk to try and get a new court date. When no one returned her call she used my computer and asked for my help in writing letters. She faxed them asking for a new court date and told them she was ready to cooperate. She did this all on her own, not a single prompt from me.
This resulted in:
Why are you trying to take responsibility for her actions? She did this. Let it go.
I was confused and tried to clear up what I thought was a misunerstanding only to be told
why leave your fingerprints all over her decision making so that she can blame everything on you?
I'm sorry witzend doesn't approve of either my saddness, my happiness, or my dealings with my daughter. But I'm personally pleased with how far I've come in 2 months. I can now sleep most nights and I'm working with a psychologist on what to do and not do regarding what's best for my daughter. There was no deep psychological meaning in my post title "Where did I take such a wrong turn" It means nothing more than I'm not where I want to be in my life right now. I have enough people disapproving of me, I'm not here to seek out more.
difficult child didn't show up at her arraignment. She called 3 hours after she was supposed to be there in tears saying she'd mixed up the days and what could she do to fix this. I'm so tired. I'd be more inclined to help if she'd get out of the living situation she's in and get herself back into counseling.
A few hours later I was happy to report some progress and posted the following:
On a positive note, my difficult child showed up at my house and called the county atty and district clerk to try and get a new court date. When no one returned her call she used my computer and asked for my help in writing letters. She faxed them asking for a new court date and told them she was ready to cooperate. She did this all on her own, not a single prompt from me.
This resulted in:
Why are you trying to take responsibility for her actions? She did this. Let it go.
I was confused and tried to clear up what I thought was a misunerstanding only to be told
why leave your fingerprints all over her decision making so that she can blame everything on you?
I'm sorry witzend doesn't approve of either my saddness, my happiness, or my dealings with my daughter. But I'm personally pleased with how far I've come in 2 months. I can now sleep most nights and I'm working with a psychologist on what to do and not do regarding what's best for my daughter. There was no deep psychological meaning in my post title "Where did I take such a wrong turn" It means nothing more than I'm not where I want to be in my life right now. I have enough people disapproving of me, I'm not here to seek out more.
wakeupcall
Well-Known Member
Please, take what you want from those of us who offer suggestions, and leave the rest. Many of us on the forum could possibly benefit from what you have to offer, too. Occasionally one of us doesn't pass out the best of advice in everyone's eyes, but it's not intended to be hurtful to anyone. We are glad you joined our community and will be saddened if you choose to leave.
LittleDudesMom
Well-Known Member
dlgallant,
I, one of the moderators on this board, feel perhaps you may have read more into the posters comments than they intended. Understand that many, especially those who have been here for a very long time, have been through he** and back with their difficult children (just as you may have as well). Broken promises and excuses being just two of the things those with older (teens and up) difficult children deal with.
I noticed on your PE post that it wasn't until later in the thread you mentioned your ex and his contribution to your daughter's issues. Perhaps some of the posters did not realize this history? Perhaps they felt it was a case of just another difficult child being a difficult child and taking no personal responsibility for their actions. Detachment is something that is looked upon favorably by those dealing with these issues day in and day out.
I'm sorry that you are going through such a rough time right now. You've been through much pain and I don't believe it was anyone's intention to add to it.
I'm sorry that you are unhappy here and have not felt the arms of support that I have for years. It is a soft place to land. Sometimes we all have a personal difficult child molment and speak out of frustration, or anger, or stress, or the weariness that weighs down us parents of difficult children.
I do hope you will stick around. However, if you choose to not stay in the community we will understand it is you doing what is best for you.
Sharon
I, one of the moderators on this board, feel perhaps you may have read more into the posters comments than they intended. Understand that many, especially those who have been here for a very long time, have been through he** and back with their difficult children (just as you may have as well). Broken promises and excuses being just two of the things those with older (teens and up) difficult children deal with.
I noticed on your PE post that it wasn't until later in the thread you mentioned your ex and his contribution to your daughter's issues. Perhaps some of the posters did not realize this history? Perhaps they felt it was a case of just another difficult child being a difficult child and taking no personal responsibility for their actions. Detachment is something that is looked upon favorably by those dealing with these issues day in and day out.
I'm sorry that you are going through such a rough time right now. You've been through much pain and I don't believe it was anyone's intention to add to it.
I'm sorry that you are unhappy here and have not felt the arms of support that I have for years. It is a soft place to land. Sometimes we all have a personal difficult child molment and speak out of frustration, or anger, or stress, or the weariness that weighs down us parents of difficult children.
I do hope you will stick around. However, if you choose to not stay in the community we will understand it is you doing what is best for you.
Sharon
Mikey
Psycho Gorilla Dad
dlgallant - I can sympathize with how you feel. When I first came here, I was scared, disoriented, and completely run by my out-of-control emotions. While I found that many people here were sympathetic, I also found that other folks here who have been there done that were further down the path than I was - in fact, they may have been further down a different path altogether!
Some folks took a very tough line with me. Others tried to help. For every person that was supportive, there was another that already had a ready-made answer to my problems. I, too, was very angry and defensive for a while. But I learned to take what I needed and ignore the rest. As time went by, and I became more aware of the reality of my situation, I came to understand more of what was being offered, even if I didn't like the bluntness of how the offer was made.
I can only suggest to you that all of us here came here for a reason. And when we then see others in the same type of distress, it's natural to assume that what worked (or didn't work) for us would apply to you as well. Sometimes that's true, other times, well....
The decision I made is that I know my kid best. I never discount what others here have said, whether it was harsh or kind. I do, however, balance what is offered against my own desires, goals, and the reality of my situation from my unique perspective. I can honestly say that while I've chosen to do some things differently than what some CD'ers have suggested, other ideas were very valuable. If I wasn't here, I wouldn't have had either.
And that, to me, was important. Getting out of the rut of being controlled by my emotions and fears, and getting BACK into the mode of acting instead of reacting. The conversations here, the back and forth of different persepectives, help get me thinking more and "reacting" less. So to me, even those folks I disagree with help in that they help refine my thoughts.
But I can also understand that when you're down, and need a "soft place to land", you don't want to get kicked in the gut by reality. I'm sorry that has happened to you, but I hope you can see past that to the benefits you get from being here. I have.
One other thought: if there are certain folks here that youl like to converse with, folks whom you trust with your thoughts and feelings, you can always use private messages instead of a general post. They work the same way as a general post, only between two people instead of the whole community.
Whatever you choose, though, I hope that you find the support and caring you seek. We can't do this alone.
Mikey
Some folks took a very tough line with me. Others tried to help. For every person that was supportive, there was another that already had a ready-made answer to my problems. I, too, was very angry and defensive for a while. But I learned to take what I needed and ignore the rest. As time went by, and I became more aware of the reality of my situation, I came to understand more of what was being offered, even if I didn't like the bluntness of how the offer was made.
I can only suggest to you that all of us here came here for a reason. And when we then see others in the same type of distress, it's natural to assume that what worked (or didn't work) for us would apply to you as well. Sometimes that's true, other times, well....
The decision I made is that I know my kid best. I never discount what others here have said, whether it was harsh or kind. I do, however, balance what is offered against my own desires, goals, and the reality of my situation from my unique perspective. I can honestly say that while I've chosen to do some things differently than what some CD'ers have suggested, other ideas were very valuable. If I wasn't here, I wouldn't have had either.
And that, to me, was important. Getting out of the rut of being controlled by my emotions and fears, and getting BACK into the mode of acting instead of reacting. The conversations here, the back and forth of different persepectives, help get me thinking more and "reacting" less. So to me, even those folks I disagree with help in that they help refine my thoughts.
But I can also understand that when you're down, and need a "soft place to land", you don't want to get kicked in the gut by reality. I'm sorry that has happened to you, but I hope you can see past that to the benefits you get from being here. I have.
One other thought: if there are certain folks here that youl like to converse with, folks whom you trust with your thoughts and feelings, you can always use private messages instead of a general post. They work the same way as a general post, only between two people instead of the whole community.
Whatever you choose, though, I hope that you find the support and caring you seek. We can't do this alone.
Mikey
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
dlgallant,
I can understand why you would feel upset and attacked. I have had my feelings hurt here several times and I have been around for darn near a decade! OMG...where has the time flown.
There are people here, present and past, that I simply choose to ignore their input because I dont feel it is relevant to my situation. Sometimes they may not have an inkling what Im really going through. It happens. Im sure folks dont like my replies just as many times. They are free to ignore me as well!
When I get upset, I take a break. Sometimes I read and dont post. Sometimes I will PM someone if I feel I can offer something behind the scenes instead of on the main boards. I take the time to lick my wounds.
Dont leave us. I would miss you.
I can understand why you would feel upset and attacked. I have had my feelings hurt here several times and I have been around for darn near a decade! OMG...where has the time flown.
There are people here, present and past, that I simply choose to ignore their input because I dont feel it is relevant to my situation. Sometimes they may not have an inkling what Im really going through. It happens. Im sure folks dont like my replies just as many times. They are free to ignore me as well!
When I get upset, I take a break. Sometimes I read and dont post. Sometimes I will PM someone if I feel I can offer something behind the scenes instead of on the main boards. I take the time to lick my wounds.
Dont leave us. I would miss you.
