Chronicle of A Failed Suicide Attempt

[BloodiedButUnbowed]

Thank you. On phone but today's nuggets from YS:

To male nurse:

"Dude, I am seriously about to myself"

After which he did in fact himself along with everything else nearby.

He also said you again.

And very clearly, my name. ❤

 

[BloodiedButUnbowed]

The story is taking a somewhat darker turn. They warned us YS would become psychotic as a normal progression of his return to consciousness. My wife just called on her way home from the hospital. Apparently he is now screaming obscenities and trying to rip open the wounds on his leg left over from the life support machines. Despite his ordeal he is VERY strong still.

They had to put him back on Versed to calm him down and they will also need to consider mechanical restraints. He is wearing soft restraints as it is but they were insufficient to hold him down.

If he opens up his leg he could bleed out very fast, or he could damage the leg to the extent that it would need amputation, so it is imperative that he leaves it alone.

Hoping he doesn't end up in a strait jacket.....

 

[pigless in VA]

Try to look at his fight as a positive. He is most likely very confused. Hospitals know how to handle these things. He will be safe.

 

[Copabanana]

I agree with pigless. It is a blessing that there was the window of quasi consciousness to reveal his capacity is intact. Like you write. The psychosis is an artifact of the circumstances.

He will not remember any of this. I do not think.

 

[runawaybunny]

I'm sorry. This has to be so very stressful for your family.

The hospital staff have protocols in place to handle patients in situations like his.

Hang in there.

 

[Littleboylost]

Runaway indeed they do. I worked many years in Traima and Nerusurgry ICU.
Culture I have seen some extremely psychotic patients who can take a good long time toxoxme back to normal. Most do. Especially with a normal MRI.
Hang in there and keep your humour...you will need it.

 

[pasajes4]

I experienced psychosis after a kidney transplant. I have no memory of it. I heard the stories of my trying to attack a nurse thinking that he was trying to suffocate me (he was trying to put the oxygen mask back on that I had ripped off). I also used words that make me cringe when I hear them. I did have to be restrained for my own good and staff safety. I was mortified when I was told about the things I did.

He is in good hands. He will be safe and may not have any memory of this time. It is one of the more unpleasant side effects of heavy duty sedation.

 

[ksm]

Have you and your wife started exploring where your son will go after the hospital is ready to dismiss him? Home? Outpatient therapy? Residential?

There should be a social worker on staff that could help you learn of the options available. I know it's too soon to know exactly what his after care will look like... But not too soon to find out what your insurance covers.

Since he us a minor, your state may have some options you might apply for. After our Difficult Child made a suicide attempt (mostly an attention seeking move and not in real danger) and we qualified for a medical card secondary to our BCBS ins. It has helped to pay for things our insurance did not. It's called an SED waiver in our state. If approved, it will go back up to 90 days and help cover things not covered by primary insurance.

I know that his parents are focused on the day to day issues in the present time. But it will be hard when he is released...will they be comfortable leaving him at home while at work? So many questions...

Not trying to overwhelm you...just wanting to give you and his mom more time to think things thru. I know his mom and dad will be making the big decisions...and you will be helping to support them. I hope they can all get in the same page and support your stepson and each other.

Ksm

 

[BloodiedButUnbowed]

KSM you are absolutely right. We know that after he is released from the ICU, he will go on to physical rehab for his leg, neuro rehab for the induced coma, and then psychiatric. All of that will be inpatient.

I will speak to my wife about supplemental insurance assistance. The social workers have not spoken to her and the boys' dad yet but I expect now that YS is improving so much they will do so very shortly.

He is double covered under both his parents' plans. They are assuming that whatever his primary insurance (dad) does not cover mom's insurance will. But it will be best to confirm. His bills thus far easily exceed $1 million USD.

 

[BloodiedButUnbowed]

YS is much more alert today. He is freaking us out a little bit because he has made a few statements that in our mind, cannot be explained away by simply being under the influence of heavy sedation.

Out of nowhere he blurted, "Who decides who lives or dies." We told him he was alive and he sighed deeply and said "Oh, boy".

He then said, "Take me", "Why can't I go," and "I'm sorry."

I am a spiritual person, though not traditionally religious. I believe there are realms beyond human understanding and YS obviously had a near death experience.

I believe he has experienced things most of us never see. I believe he will eventually tell us all about them.

He just had physical therapy and he was awake and engaged throughout, talking to the therapist and responding to us. He makes much more sense today. It is obvious he knows we are here and he is comforted by our presence. When he couldn't see me he asked for me, loudly.

He is on his way back.

 

[Copabanana]

He will find his way. Who knows? This time in his life may propel him to dig down deep and reach out to define himself profoundly. This might be the fork in the road. To a place that heretofore was inconceivable.

Let me share two activities I do that I believe are giving me tools to understand life and live it. The first is spiritual direction. I am a Jew so I speak to a rabbi who is trained to support my opening to g-d in my life and to acknowledge and manifest the person I was born to be.

There is spiritual direction in every faith.

Another thing I do is brazilian jiu jitsu. That and capoiera are gentle martial arts based upon codes of living, and relating to ones life. Lest one think it is for the fit, my teacher has a student (an adolescent) who had open heart surgery. And one who is a paraplegic. I myself feel like the oldest living novice. Which may be a true thing.

The thing is this. There are pathways to become whole. Being broken open is not always only a bad thing. Depending on the path taken. It is finding what engages him and gives solace.

As somebody who is in the medical/mental health field, I am not finding what I seek in the main, in psychology. Expressive arts--drawing, painting, dance....any of these could give expression to what he feels, bring him to a meditative plane and teach him a way to be in himself and the world. There are expressive arts therapists who work in various media.

There are activities for each of us to come into balance. And with that I might come into better relationship with those I love.

How grateful and happy you sound. His mother and you must be spent by all this. Even through the ether it has been scary.

Such wonderful news.

 

[pasajes4]

All I can say is his progress is AMAZING .......

 

[JRC]

KSM such great advice. Culturanta, I am encouraged by everything you've said since yesterday. ((hugs))

 

[susiestar]

I am glad he is more aware. Versed can give some strange hallucinations even in small doses. Hopefully he will be able to express what was going on in his mind before the overdose and he will accept help. Maybe he will find a way to help others through this experience.

Hugs and continued prayers for all of you throughout this journey.

 

[BusynMember]

I believe he visited another realm too and was told he would have to come back. Near death experiences very often change the way a person sees life and how he thinks, usually for much better. I have studied NDE's for years. I greatly hope he recovers fully and has decided his life is worthwhile after sll. Sending tons of prayers. This is all very positive.

I am very spiritual and understand where you are coming from, culturana.

 

[Wiped Out]

Continuing prayers. I'm glad there has been progress.

 

[AppleCori]

I have just gotten caught up on all the progress YS has made! I am so thrilled!

My step-dad also had psychosis when he came out of a coma (medically induced) about a decade ago. He remembers thinking he was back in Vietnam. They had to put him back into the coma several times before finally he was able to handle coming out of it.

He also believes he had two separate near-death experiences when he had a brain aneurism burst when I was a teen, one that my mom was witness to, and swears by it.

My grandfather (mom's dad) also had a death experience when his heart stopped in the hospital.

Wasn't it Hamlet that said "There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy"?

I will be interested to hear what your son has to say.

I hope the rest of the family can't get some rest and take care of yourselves. It will still be a long road and you need to make sure your wife and yourself keep up your strength, both mentally and physically.

Thinking of you and praying every day...

Apple

 

[AppleCori]

That was suppose to be "can get some rest" not "can't"...

Autocorrect I guess....

 

[susiestar]

I really hope his NDE inspires him to change for the better. I was part of a failed suicide attempt in junior high and it was incredibly hard. A close friend overdosed on tylenol. She only told me about it because she wanted to say goodbye. I was able to get help to her even though her mom blew it off when I called and told her that her daughter had taken an overdose to kill herself. My friend took 15 years to say anything nice to me again.

She is now a doctor working with teens who are suicidal. We met when our oldest kids were in junior high. She thanked me for saving her and apologized for being so mean to me after I saved her. She said she became a doctor because an angel told her to. She had an NDE and an angel came and told her she had work to do. She was supposed to be a doctor and help teens who want to hurt or kill themselves.

She never took school seriously. She hid her intelligence very well up until then. After that she stunned people by getting a 4.0 in high school and going to medication school. She is a psychiatrist and a very good one, doing what the angel told her to do.

I am so sorry your son had to go through this. I hope something positive comes out of it. My friend changed her entire attitude toward school after this, and became a very respected doctor. Hopefully your son will find something happy to help direct his life after this.

 

[pigless in VA]

Amazing story, susiestar.