Circle of support for Gcvmom

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by mstang67chic, Aug 1, 2010.

  1. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    She updated on Facebook and things aren't looking good for her father. I thought if we sent her some of the board juju, she would feel us there with her.

    Sending lots of comforting hugs from Indiana and reaching out to....
  2. ML

    ML Guest

    Colorado where I am embracing you with love... on to..
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wisconsin-grabbing on in support and onto...
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Grabbing hold in New York State... reaching out to...
  5. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Hand extended from So Calif - good thoughts being sent
  6. joneshockey

    joneshockey Guest

    Grabbing hold in Michigan... reaching out to... ​
  7. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    ... from Tennessee ... many prayers and many hugs to you and your family. On to ...
  8. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Back to North Central WI and on to...
  9. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Toronto. Sending many prayers, love and support to you and your family.

    On to...
  10. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    NYC! We're here for you hon! You certainly are going through it, and I've got you deeply in my prayers - rattling many beads that you find closure and peace...

    on to...

  11. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    New Jersey and stretching out to.......
  12. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Maryland where crotchety old husband says "she's such a lovely person!", we are both so sorry. I still have the Goethe quote here in my office:
    To know someone here or there
    with whom you can feel there is
    understanding in spite of distances
    or thoughts unexpressed-
    that can make this life a garden.

    . God bless and heal your heart. According to Elizabeth Kübler Ross your father is being transplanted from one garden to another.
  13. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    S t r e t c h i n g out my hand, from all the way across the country, and grab on tightly to 3S's hand. Waving my other one for someone to grab on...
  14. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    It's a long stretch to Australia but I'm grabbing on with husband so our circle of support now reaches around the globe...

  15. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Sending all the support and hugs I can muster right now....
  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Stretching my hand across the Mississippi to Klmno in Va and reaching the other one out to ????

    Gcvmom, I hope and pray that your family will gather around you so you can support each other. If there is ANYTHING that could help you, please let us know.
  17. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Thanks so much, everyone. You have no idea how much your words here, texts, phone calls, emails and other expressions of kindness mean to me right now...

    I am doing o.k. It comes and goes in waves. The past 48 hours or so have had lots of rough spots. And there are moments where this all seems very surreal. But overall, I'm doing o.k.

    Helped my mom with paperwork today, tracking down financial stuff and making phone calls. I also found checking accounts that mom had no knowledge of or access to. Found the account passwords, too, so we were able to find out the balances which was a pleasant surprise for her. Neighbors have already brought her food, friends sent flowers and brought dinner to share with her tonight. She's going to be just fine in time. And as sad as this sounds, I am happy for her because she will finally be free to live her life to the fullest.

    My family was very supportive when we got the phone call last night that he was finally gone. I'd chosen not to go back to the hospital yesterday because he'd been reintubated Saturday (was having a lot of pain and tremendous difficulty breathing on the bipap mask) and when my mom went back on Sunday, she called to say his kidneys were starting to shut down and his heart was becoming more and more erratic. The nephrologist was recommending dialysis, but she was hesitant to put him through that, knowing about all the other problems he was having. They'd also told her he could maybe go another week on the ventilator type he had, and after that, they'd have to do a tracheostomy type ventilator. That was definitely too invasive for what we knew my dad would want. Mom said she didn't think I needed to see him on Sunday because he was starting to retain more fluids and looking even worse than the day before. I offered to come down to the hospital to be with her, but I got the feeling she wanted to have that last day alone with him.

    My brother and I had the chance to talk to him a little more on Saturday before they put the tube back in, and told him we loved him, and he said he loved us, too. He squeezed our hands, and we just sat with him for a while. I had brought two 8x10 photos to put on the table next to his bed. One was of my brother and me taken about 15 years ago. The other was of my three kids (his only grandkids). He seemed to like looking at them. We told him that the doctors were going to put the breathing tube back in so he would not have to work so hard, and so they could give him better pain medications to help him relax and rest. He nodded his head to that. Then my mom asked if he had any questions at all, and he shook his head "no." We could see in his eyes how fearful and anguished he was feeling. And seeing him wracked with spasms of pain was very hard for all of us. He knew what was happening. We left the room when the team came in to reintubate and told him we loved him again and would be back in a few minutes after they got him settled. About a half hour or so later, we went back to see him one more time and he was heavily sedated, but responded to my voice. I just said that we were going to go home to sleep and that we'd see him in the morning and that we all loved him. And that's the last time I saw him.

    In hind sight, the only other time I remember telling him I loved him (this is just something we never said in my family) was on my wedding day. Things like that just tear me up inside, but I try not to dwell on that. Right now it's hard, though. I am just so thankful the man I married is not that way, and the family we've created is nothing like the one I came from.

    My kids and husband are all sad, but doing o.k. I've kept everyone informed of his progress over the past week, and explained what was likely to happen eventually. When we got the call, I hung up and told them all that he was gone and started to cry. My kids all gathered around me and hugged me, and husband wrapped his arms around all of us. difficult child 1 seems the most emotional about it, but he spent more time around my dad as a little kid. The other two didn't get to see him as much, I think because his health had started to decline and he became focused more on himself. difficult child 2 gets sad, but seems like he doesn't want to cry. easy child keeps asking me if I'm o.k. and says she's sad, too, but that she doesn't feel like crying. I'm hoping that my openness about my emotions shows them that it's o.k. to grieve for him.

    He's being cremated. Mom hasn't discussed her plans for the ashes yet. Two of his brothers were scattered at a waterfall in Washington state, and my cousin has her mom's ashes still from a couple of years ago when she passed away, so maybe we'll all make a trip to scatter them together. There is one brother remaining (and a "crazy" half brother somewhere that we've all lost track of) out of the 8 kids, and he is in his 80s. Perhaps they'll wait for his passing and make it a family reunion of sorts... I don't know.

    One positive out of all of this is that my brother and I are getting reacquainted. And I'm getting to know his wife better, too. So although my dad drove a wedge between everyone during his life, at least in death he can help bring the rest of us closer together.
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2010
  18. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    {{{Gcvmom}}}. It really does sound like his passing was, in some sense, a blessing for him. I'm glad that your mother will be okay and that you have the opportunity to redevelop a relationship with your brother. My experience with my father's death has been that most of the negative memories have faded and mellowed and the loving ones have emerged. I think the same will be true for you.
  19. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just more hugs. And to let you know I am thinking of you.
  20. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Hugs & prayers, chicken lady.