Coping Problem?

[susiestar]

I am quite confused about how to have difficult child interact with the family. His behavior still gives me the occasional panic attack, though he really has changed. He is gentle and protective with his sibs and with me.

He has SOOOOO many more privileges than the other 2 kids. HD TV, tons of cable channels (we have and antenna and get about 6 stations), trips with my parents, classes at the art center, and so on. We cannot afford to pay for classes for the other two. He also gets to walk around alone for hours. He doesn't understand the limits I set for him to walk with his sister. I don't think they need to walk to a store 5 miles away. She is just 12 and he is just 15. :nonono:

If husband and I set up a family event, now we are getting lots of pressure from my mom and dad to take difficult child. My mom is really starting to pile on the guilt for difficult child "not having a family any more". I did tell her a few weeks ago that difficult child CHOSE not to have a family or however she wants to put it. :hammer:

difficult child literally beat his way out of our home. He lives with my parents at my parents choice. I just wanted to be safe in my own home.

Do I just try to ignore the pressure, or explain as gently as possible that he is not part of our core family, by his choice, and this means that he doesn't get to do everything we do?

 

[lookingforhelp]

Hi,

What medications is he on? Is the medications that are making the difference or that he is getting his way by staying with grandparents? I ask, because my son (16) is with grandparents right now too. He doesnt have any of the rules here at home, and has come home 3 times this summer and just acts up till I give in and send him there.

 

[AllStressedOut]

I can't even let my difficult children spend alone time with their grandparents. father in law thinks its funny when they're rude and when they disobey. He took youngest difficult child on train and police officer told difficult child to sit (he was 4) and he said no and father in law just laughed. Told us the story at church the next day, laughing the entire time. I'm pretty sure you could see smoke coming out of my ears I was so mad. father in law and mother in law just don't give consequences for anything and on top of it, they find all the bad behavior amusing.

I wish I could offer advice as to how to handle your mom. Unfortunately I get the guilt from my dad and I'm awful with it. It just makes me more upset because on top of dealing with all the day to day crap I deal with, I get a guilt trip too. I feel for you!

 

[Liahona]

Does your mom have to know about your family time? I'm wondering too, is difficult child good there because nothing is expected of him or is it the medications? I'm thinking now is a good time for relationships to heal between difficult child and the rest of the family. That takes time and can't be rushed. Pushing difficult child into family outings where everyone is on eggshells won't be fun or healing for anyone. Things are going great now, don't rock the boat.