Every "nightmare" Bart worried about happened in the Judges ruling, although nothing was really that big a deal. It was inevitable he lost some battles and not the end of the world but to him it is. I was sympathetic and listened a lot but when he said "I cant do it that way for another day" I said "The Judge ruled and now you need to find a way to deal with it. Not my ways that I deal, you dont like them. This is reality, the Judge ruled, and you have to accept it in YOUR way." "I cant. Could you?" "Yes! I have dealt with many things but you arent interested in how. I would get professional help first off." I just HAD to put in my unwanted two cents "Thats your way, not mine. Your ideas are stupid." "So I will listen but offer no other ideas." I shut down when he says "stupid." Wow. My head hurts. There is no comfort I can give him. No suggestions. Nothing. And I am taking a vacation from this craziness. The holidays are coming and I am excited and will focus on that. Three days eill pass before I talk to him again. In the middle of our chat Bart said "J. Is my entire world. I have nothing else." I said he needs other interests. J. will grow up and leave. "Gee, thanks for saying that." " All kids leave. You did." He grumbled, didnt like it. He also said lawyers want all your money and dont care if you become poor because of them and that he likes his toys and will not live poor. He said derisively he knows I dont care of! if I am poor but he cant live that way. And if he has to spend enough to make him poor, he may as well kill himself." I just said "What about J?" He said "J doesnt want me if Im poor!" I said "Thats ridiculous. He wants you, poor or not." So Bart then hung up as I apparently hit a nerve (although I dont know which) and I took a deep breath. His values are so screwed up. I know parents think their kids get their values from them, but its not always true. He wasnt brought up to think he has to have "stuff" in order to be worthy. Anyway I am resting until he has calmed down and, as always, my loved ones who care for me will encourage me not to talk to him again. I cant bear no contact ever but I can bear low contact. And so it will be. Love and life!!