Court paperwork filed - it is done

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by PatriotsGirl, Nov 20, 2014.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    husband just has to go to the courthouse and take an oath and that is it. We are his legal guardians until he is 18 or she gets it together. I thought there would be a hearing or something, but they said since she signed off, no hearing. Judge will sign off and we will be issued our letters of guardianship. We will also be able to get him added to husband's insurance at work - there was a form we signed to allow us to do that. :)

    And as I was leaving the courthouse, Dunkin Donuts called to offer her a job. Hmpf. Just another reminder of everything she messed up and could have been doing right.

    She tried calling me three times while I was in the office yesterday. I didn't take any of the calls. As each day goes by with my not getting any sleep, I get more and more resentful of her and her choices. I really don't have much to say to her and since her words mean absolutely nothing to me anymore, there is nothing she can really say that I care to hear...

    Connor is adjusting to daycare and having fun. He is such a happy boy. I really don't see any effects of her not being here other than his reaching out at night - but he may have done that with her, too. I don't know. We figure we will let him get acclimated to daycare and then do the transition of him sleeping alone like a big boy. :) Maybe then I will get to know what sleep is like again...
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  2. stressedmama

    stressedmama Active Member

    I'm so happy for you that you took this step to ensure Connor is safe, healthy and happy! Go take a nap!!\

  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    The sleeping thing? We found the easiest transition for both of us (kid and me) was to have a second bed in the same bedroom. I laid down until he went to sleep, then got up and did more stuff before returning there for the night. He knew I would be sleeping there, and if he called out in the night, I could respond instantly... but I sure got more sleep that way. Just an idea...
  4. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Can't - I have the window until 5pm to work. Then I have to go get him, get home, get dinner done, etc. I am on as much a routine and schedule as he

    I did feel better leaving the courthouse knowing that he is safe with us and there isn't anything she or anyone else can do.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hurray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES!
  6. stressedmama

    stressedmama Active Member

    Right there with you. We are very regimented in our routine as well. And my GS is a little Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Once you start something, it becomes your job for life in his eyes. We've gotten to the point where we go through our bedtime routine (bath, books then bed) and then my husband sits with him rubbing his head till he goes to sleep. In the beginning he would wake up in the middle of the night and come to our room and end up in bed with us. He's impossible to sleep with though - very active in his sleep. I finally kept putting him back in his bed till he stopped getting up. He will not go to sleep now without having his head rubbed so while my hubby does that, I get to have a few minutes of down time before I head off to bed. I cherish those few minutes!
  7. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Mine was showing Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) signs, too, even at 14 months. But you need to understand, he does not look nor act 14 months - he looks and acts more about 2. It is very, very odd and even the daycare worker mentioned it. He has always been very aware of his surroundings and seems to understand everything you say to him. I tell him to put something in the laundry and he does. I tell him to put something in the sink and he does! It is like he has been here before - he is an old soul. But for a little while he became obssessed with brushing his teeth! Had to brush them several times a day. Now he is not doing it anymore, but I thought it was going to be an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) issue...

    It is tiring but he brings so much joy...his little face lights up and melts our hearts...he is very much surrounded by love. <3

    stressedmama - God bless you both for stepping up for your GS as well. I know if you feel like we do, there was no choice. I cannot imagine Connor with anyone but us. It would tear me apart. As tired as I am and I get, I wouldn't have it any other way.
  8. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You are doing such a good job PG, for Connor and for everyone, even your daughter. Many kudos to you for stepping up the way you have.......I know just how you feel about that little guy, I feel the same about my "grown up" granddaughter..........I hope you get some sleep........
  9. stressedmama

    stressedmama Active Member

    You are absolutely correct. We had no choice and wouldn't have it any other way, regardless. He is an absolute joy and the sunshine in our lives.

    I think it's more about structure than anything. I think all kids crave structure but when thrown into a situation like ours, it's just amplified and makes them feel comforted and safe.
  10. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Thank you RE. I just feel that I am doing what we have to. He is the innocent one...just like you all feel - he is the sunshine that warms my soul... <3
  11. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    I can't even begin to tell you how strange it was for me to read this because my niece was the SAME exact way at that age. When I read this, you knocked me out of my chair WORD FOR WORD.
  12. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    I actually have it on video. When my niece was 14 months (the exact age as your grandson) she was playing with this little girl who was 3 years old. Anyway, so I am video tapping it with my Iphone and another lady who was at the party asks "how old is she, is she 2 years old now?" I was like "oh no, she's 14 months" and she said "She's ONLY 14 months. WOW. she is so smart and so social for 14 months." i have all that on video lol
  13. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Oops, I just realized that I could have had her sign a Power of Attorney instead. She obviously did not know any better and quite frankly, I didn't even think of that option. But I am glad I didn't. A POA would have given her all the rights where as with the temporary guardianship I have them.
  14. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    Job well done!:bravo:
  15. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Just keep plugging away and remember there is nothing wrong with asking for help. The number one thing new parents/grandparents do is wear themselves out. They don't want to bother anyone and therefore try to do it all. When they are about to cry because they get a chance to make dinner without a kid crawling on them I generally step in. LOL
  16. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    Now that you have guardianship you should ask for state aid for the child. Not only will this off-set the child care costs, but since it sounds like you don't need the money, maybe you could use it to pay for some private babysitting services to give yourself a break every now and then.
  17. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Yup - definitely on my to-do list. husband is going to the courthouse today and then we will have the letters we need. I took the day off from work today to sleep. It was another rough one last night - he woke up three different times and I had to comfort him back to sleep. I'm exhausted. I am going to get a good nap in and then get my hair cut!! If I have time, I will also stop at the office to apply for benefits for him. We may not need the money, but we have paid quite a bit into the system and I do not feel guilty for now taking some out for him. I won't get to use the daycare vouchers - she is not licensed and needs to be in order to get them. It is more important to me that he is in the right environment than the money. And he is. He is getting used to being there and is happy there. He loves the other little boys and they love him. I don't want to turn his world upside down sending him to a new place right now...and we will get him on husband's insurance since that will be quicker. BUT, I will take any other benefits afforded to him.
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  18. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    don't turn down the state medication insurance. It will pay your copays in most instances. Be aware that if you have a scheduled appointment, most state medicaid programs will pay mileage to and from the doctor as a routine thing. You have to contact them 3 days ahead and get an approval number, then the office staff need to sign a form, and then they pay for the mileage. It isn't a big chunk, and might not be needed,but if you put it into a savings account for Connor you would be shocked at how much you end up with after a couple of years. My husband thought it was a 'hassle' and a 'waste of time' until he realized I had over $100 in under a year just from trips to the doctors here in our town.

    Every little bit helps, esp if you can put it aside for college or other future expenses.

    It is excellent that you did not get the POA. WHY? Because difficult child could revoke that and give it to a friend at any time and you would be pretty much powerless to stop her. I saw one of my kids' classmates yanked from home to home as her mom would get various druggie friends to take the kids so their grandparents didn't have them. the grandparents wanted the kids but refused to pay for the privilege,so the mom just kept shuffling them around.

    The guardianship gives difficult child no ability to just take Connor away from you. She has to go to court and prove that you are not able to care for him and she is capable of it and that she is stable, not clean for a few mos , before she can just take him. This isn't easy for you, but it is best for Connor.
  19. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    I agree you should not feel bad about using the services due Connor after all if mom had him the State would have to cover both of them. Also I think having him in the "system" should help if you need a social worker to prevent mom from interfering with custody.
  20. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Please don't feel guilty. Take all the services you need for Connor. I'm sure you didn't factor raising a grandchild into your retirement plans. Most of us on this site didn't anticipate that a lot of our kids would need the help of the government to exist and to get medical care, did we? No one can predict this stuff. You did not ask for this.

    My oldest friend raised her brother's kids, as DCFS (child protective services) removed them from their home and she was getting money every month as the state licensed her as a foster parent, also kids were on medicaid as the secondary insurance. The parents were eventually found unfit and she and her husband formally adopted them. All this took years. I hope your daughter gets it together soon and is able to be a mother to her son.