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Have any of you heard of this method?

I know it's the accepted stance to do more tough love, but this method really appeals to me in our case. I know others may not be able to use it, but the ideas behind seem solid. It's a form of CBT, with the focus being on the family response to the addict and using positive reinforcement and natural consequences.

I know some may think it's too soft, but we feel it may work better for us. We understand it wouldn't work for everyone.

Just wondering if anyone has done it formally, with the therapy/ training?


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Colleen, I had not heard of it but just googled it to learn a bit. It sounds good.

We all have to do what feels right. There is no one size fits all. If this approach seems to you like something you could embrace and do, why not? From the description there is nothing that seems to be harmful, nothing that would not improve well-being and communication in the family.

Where is your son at, now that you have been home for a bit? What does he want? What does he think he needs?

For me, I would talk with him, even go to a family therapist to facilitate communication, if you and he are open to it. Your son is an adult. From my perspective, what he wants should enter the equation.



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The book "Beyond Addiction" goes into this method in detail. I think there are a lot of good ideas and things in there and I wish I had read it when my son was a lot younger. I did have to fight off regret when i first read it though. And eventually I came back to feeling like ultimately my son has to find his way....

And I will also say that I think a lot of the things I did already.....and I think the book is a bit off in how it talks about detachment.

But I think the ideas of CRAFT are good.


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I think the book is a bit off in how it talks about detachment.
That I am aware of my son has used marijuana which I do not like but has not had a problem with other drugs or alcohol. But I want to comment on detachment.

I know you did not ask me. I write this because others will come along and I want my comments to reflect what worked for us.

I believe the single thing that helped my son and I most was detaching. I was the most doting and involved of mothers. It was this that had to change. I loved my son more than I loved myself. This was not good for him. Let alone me.

I had not heard of detachment parenting until I came to this site. It made all of the difference for us.

For my son to begin to become invested in himself and develop the incentive to change, he needed to come to the point where he realized he was alone. I do not mean abandoned or rejected. I mean this: That I would not follow him to anywhere he would harm himself. That I would say no.

I believe this gave him the motivation to accept our bottom line, which was that he show us respect and that he respect himself and be productive. He is now at work remodeling a home with my SO that we bought for him to live. He seems invested in the work and the idea that he is doing for himself. This is a 180 degree turnaround.

This would not have happened had I not detached.

I know each of our situations is different, but as long as we do most of the work, as long as the motivation and the ideas come from us, I fear this train will be stuck on the track,

I believe our adult children do not need their mothers or fathers to make decisions for them or to take responsibility for their treatment.

They need themselves.

Only when they decide to invest in their changing and to put their efforts and resources into helping themselves will it work.



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I agree with you. I think the book saw detachment as cutting off contact or support....and I don't see detachment with love that way at all. I can still love my kid, can still express my love, offer positive support....but it also means separating myself from the decisions he makes good or bad. It means not tying my life to his, not making my well being dependent on his state of mind.

so ready to live

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...and continuing because I hit "post" too early (or have I hit a post too early :)
This is the hard part. Having read many books, you need to find what you can live with everyday. Do what works today and feel good about it. Prayers.


100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

I have heard of it but don't know much about it. We always wanted to try the gentler approach too because we were just so unsure of what we were doing and what was really going on.

We are undergoing a huge change right now as you can see from my other posts and it was only because we changed our tactics due to the help I received from the people on this forum. We are not sure how it will all work out but we are happy that there is a big change and we think it's for the best.

Good luck to you and whatever you do for your family. This is a trial and error for all of us I think and no one thing works for everyone. Keep us posted!