Custody question

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Mar 5, 2009.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    It has been suggested that I apply for targeted case management and medicaid for wee difficult child. I didn't think we'd qualify, but we actually may come close.

    However, if I apply for them to get additional help with difficult child, they will go after DEX for back support and I either have to agree or not apply. Unless I can show good cause for them to leave him out of it.

    He is unstable as all get out, and even his own mother (entire family) think its a very bad idea to stir this pot. He lives 2 miles away and hasn't seen difficult child 1 in years. But he has a new girlfriend that wants to mommy difficult child 2, and make her part of "their family", and help DEX "become a father" (yet he has expressed no interest in doing any of these things) - so if he has to pay, everyone thinkgs he'll demand his visits. The last time he had difficult child was mothers day 2003. He had him for 4 or 5 hours.

    I have often thought I need to change the decree to sole custody and modify visitation to what is happening now (ie nothing) so that he can't pull this. I figured it would actually be more of an issue down the road, perhaps when difficult child had to go inpatient (I fully expect it will happen) at some point. I haven't had time to really make it a priority. Would that help show good cause?

    Is there any benefit or drawback to doing either?

    I am thinking I can probably tell him that I will get them to back off child support if he'll not make an issue of changing the decree. But I'll have to make sure they leave the support alone.
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2009
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I don't know the ins or outs of this but when stuff got stirred up in our lives a couple of years ago, a couple of legal people suggested to me going to court and getting sole guardianship[ established for me with difficult child. I didn't do it because so much other stuff was going on, but I wish I would have. I think I would recommend doing that before stirring any pot that could lead to your difficult child's biofather getting involved. I think the idea is that if you establish legal cusody/guardianship first, while it's a no-brainer, then if he comes into the picture, he would have to take it to court and show he would be in the better interest of the child- to be involved in the child's life or to have custody. Unless he could prove that, you would have say-so where the child is concerned. I wish I had done it, but I can't see my son's father EVER wanting any part of his life.
  3. cadydid

    cadydid New Member

    My difficult child has targeted case management and state medicaid that covers him as a secondary health insurance. He got it through an SED waiver. I am so glad I did it. The primary insurance doesn't cover everything, and what it doesn't, the medicaid does.

    His TCM is at the county mental health center where all of his care is managed through from his counselor to his psychiatrist for medication management. Often times, I would find myself making multiple calls to inform different people of the same thing there because there was no way to do it all in one call. With TCM, I call or e-mail his case manager and she spreads the word for me. It has been a real life saver over the last week when so much has happened.

    As for the custody and child support, I do not know what state you are in but for me, it wasn't an issue. (Ex hasnt seen him in 3 years and owes over $10,000 in child support) They didn't even ask about him thankfully.

    Have you checked into an SED waiver? If it's possible for you to get, that might help without fearing the involvement from DEX. Also, through an SED waiver, your income is not at issue. Once a year I have to fill out the paperwork for him to qualify for the medicaid, but it is based on his income not mine.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I know where you are coming from and they do ask about income and child support for medicaid. the legal father is expected to pay child support whether or not he has visitation and just you having sole legal custody does not relinquish him of he responsibility to pay support. They will go after him like a dog on a bone unless you can show good cause.

    Now you may very well have good cause. The man has shown a very violent and unstable life for many years. You have witnesses to this. Hasnt he been in legal troubles? All things you can show to them to prove that you are afraid of stirring the pot. Use psychiatric records on your son to show you dont think having his father showing up in his life is in his best interest now when he is so unstable himself.
  5. ML

    ML Guest

    You've gotten great advice. I just wanted to say that I do hope you can work through this situation and get the help difficult child needs. Hugs ML
  6. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    You should have gone after the child support a long time ago. And not for you but for the child.

    My sister qualified for a low income housing program. (Before her x was her x he pulled out a riffle and said ether she would die or him. He is doing better now on medication, but she found out about all the girl fiends in the process). Before she could get into the housing program she had to go after the missing child support. By talking to the lawyers she was able to agree to a lower child support amount, and a settlement on the past child support. The x did pay the lower amount for a few months. At least long enough for her to get into the program. Then they stopped checking.

    If he tries to increase the visitation one of two things will happen. He will spend more time with his own child in a healthy way, or he won't. If the environment he provides is not healthy then you will be in a better position to gain full custody.

    But if he has not seen the child since Mother's day I don't beleive he wants to. So the only motivation for seeking more visitation is to torment you, and to hold it over you so you will except no child support. Don't let him do that.