toughlovin
Well-Known Member
Ok so I think part of what detachment really means is not letting their crazy manipulations get to you..... so my difficult child had drug court today. The good news is he is going to a residential program on Tuesday. He is going to be taken from jail to court and then he will be released to me to take him to the program. I have agreed to do that and am fine with it.
BUT after this last relapse I originally decided I would not put money in the canteen and I am done buying cigarettes for him, even if he is in a program. So I caved on the canteen..... but really I am done with the cigarettes. They are expensive, I have never felt good about it and he has now been in jail for a month where he has not been able to smoke. I just feel he has to take responsibility for all of it, and I am done trying to make recovery easier for him. Maybe it has to be tough.... I really dont know but I am done trying to make it bearable. He has to want it and he has to do it, and if he really wants to smoke then he needs to get a job (which is a big part of the program he is going to).
So the plan is for me to drive him on Tuesday and I did not want to be the whole trip him trying to argue and manipulate me into getting him cigarettes. You all know that is what would happen right? So before we left court I said to him I am not getting cigarettes and you need to know that. He acted like sure I get that, makes sense.
Ha - well he just called me!!! And the manipulation and arguments started. He gets it (yeah right) but thinks my timing is awful. And why did I have to bring it up in front of his treatment team? Well because I want you to know so I dont get this all they there on Tuesday. Then he went into how I have just hurt the relationship we were starting to build.... my response well that is your choice. If our relationship is based on what I will give you then so be it. He tried to imply that it is my parenting that got him where he is today. I totally didnt buy that..... and when I asked what exactly it was about how controlling I was, upset by who his friends were, that he smoked a joint... ha ha a lot of what good parenting is all about!!! Anyway I expect I will get some more phone calls before Tuesday.... but that is ok because he needs to get this out of his system and I will let him on the phone but Tuesday I dont want to discuss it.
He made some comment about it is better to smoke cigarettes than shoot dope (he implied that he has done that but I did not react) and I just said well that is your choice. He tried to tell me I always tried to control his drug use and I said well I never was able to control it, and your choice about that is on you, not me. I was very clear. I am just not buying it anymore.
And although it was a hard conversation in some ways, his implied threat of not having a relationship with me no long phases me.... again that is his choice.
TL
Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
BUT after this last relapse I originally decided I would not put money in the canteen and I am done buying cigarettes for him, even if he is in a program. So I caved on the canteen..... but really I am done with the cigarettes. They are expensive, I have never felt good about it and he has now been in jail for a month where he has not been able to smoke. I just feel he has to take responsibility for all of it, and I am done trying to make recovery easier for him. Maybe it has to be tough.... I really dont know but I am done trying to make it bearable. He has to want it and he has to do it, and if he really wants to smoke then he needs to get a job (which is a big part of the program he is going to).
So the plan is for me to drive him on Tuesday and I did not want to be the whole trip him trying to argue and manipulate me into getting him cigarettes. You all know that is what would happen right? So before we left court I said to him I am not getting cigarettes and you need to know that. He acted like sure I get that, makes sense.
Ha - well he just called me!!! And the manipulation and arguments started. He gets it (yeah right) but thinks my timing is awful. And why did I have to bring it up in front of his treatment team? Well because I want you to know so I dont get this all they there on Tuesday. Then he went into how I have just hurt the relationship we were starting to build.... my response well that is your choice. If our relationship is based on what I will give you then so be it. He tried to imply that it is my parenting that got him where he is today. I totally didnt buy that..... and when I asked what exactly it was about how controlling I was, upset by who his friends were, that he smoked a joint... ha ha a lot of what good parenting is all about!!! Anyway I expect I will get some more phone calls before Tuesday.... but that is ok because he needs to get this out of his system and I will let him on the phone but Tuesday I dont want to discuss it.
He made some comment about it is better to smoke cigarettes than shoot dope (he implied that he has done that but I did not react) and I just said well that is your choice. He tried to tell me I always tried to control his drug use and I said well I never was able to control it, and your choice about that is on you, not me. I was very clear. I am just not buying it anymore.
And although it was a hard conversation in some ways, his implied threat of not having a relationship with me no long phases me.... again that is his choice.
TL
Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app