First, thank you for all the kind and wonderful words. It's been a difficult weekend, full of lots of wonderful moments. My initial posts were full of my heartbreak. This post hopefully will show a few more facts.
The difficult child was diagnosed previously with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), ODD, ADHD, Bipolar, yadayadayada....You name it, she's been diagnosed. There have been several therapists that have said, "That's just her, she'll grow out of it". After much talking this weekend, he admitted that she had been diagnosed with this previously, and he wasn't ready to admit that she had this disorder. I understand that. He was hoping that medications, and love would see her through.
As far as us, it's simple and logical. My girls and I live 30 minutes away. We visit 2 to 3 times a week, and spend most weekends over there. It's chaotic at best, and when he has all his kids, minus the 19 year old, it's 6 kids. Bed times are difficults, arguments frequent. That's not consistency. She starts all her therapy with developing a new a consistent routine. She needs to be able to count on certain things happening at certain times.
This difficult child has spent her entire life making sure she survives. Mom worked nights, and came home and slept and left 2 infants to fend for themselves all day. Apparently there is some question as to her parentage as well. Mom dropped her off on my fiance's doorstep at 2 1/2 and said she didn't want them anymore.
Then, fiance divorces wife number 2, and there's another interruption in her caregiver relationships. She lives in a constant mode of self-preservation. She obsesses over the next meal, the next present, the fairness of bedtime, who had more ice cream....you name it.
So, bottom line....2 therapists recommended what we are now referring to as a "break". I'm not ignorant enough to believe that she'll get better in 2 months, but I'm hopeful that in 6 months, she may have made enormous stridds. Fiance and I have agreed that after our previous failed relationships, we also deserve a chance at happiness, and to put it quite frankly, I've never loved anyone as much as him.
I said before that I admire what he's getting ready to do...he's looking at therapy 3-4 days a week, new medications, new techniques, new life essentially. How could I not love a man who's ready to do that for his child!
So, again, I thank you all for the good and kind words. It all helped, and we've enjoyed out last weekend together as a family. I'll update as I know more.