difficult child 1 missing school. I have no idea what to do.

[Californiablonde]

This is the fourth day she has missed this year. She has only been back to school for several weeks. When I attempt to wake her up, she refuses to get out of bed. Then she complains of stomach aches. Tells me she feels nauseous and can't eat and she feels like she's going to throw up. I attempt to talk her into going, because she always feels better within a few hours, but she is refusing to get up. She is no longer a toddler. I can't pick her up and force her in the car. She is taller than me and outweighes me by 30 pounds. I really didn't want to see her miss another day this morning but I could no longer continue to argue with her. I was going to be late for work. So I left. I don't know what her deal is. She did this a few times last year but never this bad. She promised me this morning that it would be her last day missing school, but I don't believe her. I don't know if this new school is causing her to have anxiety. When I ask her if she is having any issues of school or if something is bothering her she says no. Usually she's quite open with me, but I don't know if there's something else going on that she just can't bring herself to tell me.

This morning my mom emailed me and told me she spoke to one of her teachers. The teacher told my mom that my daughter was falling behind from missing so many days. My mom layed into me about it, telling me I should have forced her to go. What can I do when she literally refuses getting out of bed? The worst part is, I work in a high school attendance office for a living. I deal with these issues all the time. When it comes to my own kid, I am helpless. How do I make a kid go to school that flat out refuses?

 

[InsaneCdn]

You have to get to the bottom of "why".
Depression?
Bullying or other negative stuff happening at school?
Time for a medications adjustment?
Or any number of other potential issues.

You can't "solve" not going... in and of itself, it's just a symptom.

 

[Californiablonde]

Well I just talked to her again and she insists she is not feeling depressed or anxious. Her stomach bothers her in the mornings. She had the same problem last year with tummy troubles. I took her to the doctor and he diagnosed her as lactose intolerant. She hasn't been eating or drinking anything dairy so I don't know why she's feeling ill now. It's only in the morning and it usually goes away mid afternoon. Same issues last year, only difference being that last year I could coax her into going to school. This year she is flat out refusing. She just got through texting me at work and says she needs a ride to school because she forgot she had a test to take in foods class. She wants to be a chef someday and foods is the only class she could care less about. Now she is worried she is gonna fail the class and she will be dropped. I wish she cared more about her academic classes like she does this foods class. She couldn't care less if she's pulling straight F's in those. I can't leave work to take her to to class and my mom is not picking up the phone. I don't know if she'll be allowed to make up the test or what. The foods teacher is super strict. Hopefully this will motivate her enough to get to school tomorrow.

 

[Californiablonde]

Well my mom ended up taking her to school so she could take the foods test. At least that's one class she cares about. Now to get her motivated to go to her academic classes...sigh. I let difficult child know that she has to go to school tomorrow no matter how bad her stomach is feeling. She agreed, but we shall see tomorrow. She may be back to her old ways again. At least difficult child 2 is doing well in school and has major motivation this year. If only I could get difficult child 1 to adopt the same attitude.

 

[InsaneCdn]

"no matter how bad her stomach is feeling"... to me? That is a dead giveaway for anxiety. She may need medications specific to anxiety if you're going to get her rolling again.

 

[BusynMember]

I had very bad anxiety in school. I felt so nervous and had so many anxiety symptoms (dizziness/blurred vision/weak stomach) t hat I was too busy worrying about not passing out to focus on school. Until you find out a way to help her over the school phobia, can you online or homeschool her? It's pointless to go to school to learn if you can't. I was literally forced to go to school every day, but I still couldn't learn anything. Between learning disabilities and high anxiety, I couldn't even focus on what I was supposed to be doing.

I spent the majority of the time during middle school, my worst phase, in the nurses office and averaged 30 days off of school each year in high school (this was before they got strict on the truancy laws and also before they had homeschool as an option). I would have learned a lot more if I could have done my schooling away from a school setting. Maybe it would be the same for your daughter???

 

[TeDo]

Too bad your mom drove her. If it was an "act", missing that and knowing that her ONLY ride leaves at whatever time in the morning should cure that one. If she really is having these stomach troubles, she needs to see a GI doctor asap before things get worse and she misses even more school. If it's not medical or an excuse, then it's probably anxiety whether she realizes it or not. Anxiety takes many forms. difficult child 2 had stomach troubles for 2 years in middle school. We just realized this past summer (after doing online school at home for a year) that he hadn't needed to take anything for his stomach in months. He's not an "anxious" person but apparently his stomach is, Know what I mean??

As for mom, when she lays into YOU about it, invite her to come over every morning and try to do what you aren't able to do. If she can get difficult child 1 to get up and go to school without any problems, YEAH she's in school. If not, maybe mom will lay off. You're mom really has her nose WAY TOO FAR into your business and from what you've shared so far, it's going to get WAY WORSE. Give her an inch, she'll take a mile unless you put up a roadblock.

 

[lonelyroad]

Same boat here, new school, no friends, so we know whats causing it, but can't get over the anxiety...Doctors today to see if there is any medications that will get her thru...

Horrible horrible times, and I have same issues, she is must bigger then me, so physically lifting her, nope...

Hang in there!!

 

[Californiablonde]

Well I got her to school this morning. She complained again of her stomach but she didn't ask to stay home. The school psychiatric is going to have a talk with her to find out what is really going on. She won't open up to me for whatever reason. Usually she's quite honest with me but for some reason she feels she can't express herself to me. That makes me sad, but at least I know I have some school support in place to help her.