difficult child 1 Pierced

[mrscatinthehat]

her chin/lip area with a safety pin according to the people that run the house. And it is infected. She is refusing to continue school. I have hit the wall. I don't like this game anymore. We are her guardians and for some reason we are still not always in the loop.

At this point I don't know which way we should turn. She is eating herself to death on top of this. I am trying to figure out if we should just let this play out or if we should try to get her into a more secure setting. I just don't know. I don't even know what would be available to someone that is 18.

We have a phone conference coming up in the next week or so. Then we will know more. Ok probably not but I can delude myself for the time being. I know they are going to say that she should just stop going to school. I just don't know what she plans to do with herself. She claims she would get a job. I had mentioned before that she should try and get something part time first before stopping school. Nope no one on that end helped with the follow through.

I hate the fact that because she is 18 we are supposed to do things differently now. I mean really the fact that she is more like oh 12 maybe 13 on a good day should count for more than her chronological age. Doesn't though. When will I be able to just let this all go. I know husband won't be able to.

I did make it clear I won't go visit any time soon. We almost had it out over that. I am on that precipice of not too much more and I will jump into a land of no more doing all this for her. Not there yet. Not sure what will push me over that edge. But I feel that it is coming. It makes me feel so crappy.

Sorry for the whine/moan session.

beth

 

[TYLERFAN]

I know what you mean when you say your frustrated with the system.
The system failed my difficult child miserably, especially the court order state mandated Residential Treatment Center (RTC).
You have to use your own discretion, I helped my difficult child well after 18. I also didn't help her for long periods of time. I don't know the answer. My 23 year old is 16 on a good day......

Blessings,
Melissa

 

[mom_to_3]

I'll try this again........... I wish I knew why this board "eats" my posts sometimes. That's frustrating!

I hear you on the whine session, I do think we are entitled given all we've endured over the years don't you think?

I think, even though I wouldn't be happy with a chin/lip piercing, I'd be a bit happier if my difficult child had a piercing instead of other alternatives. At least when they got over that "phase", you could just remove the earring, stud, gauge or whatever it is, and hope the hole closes.

Just to make you feel just a little bit better, I thought I'd share that my difficult child like to marr her body with tattoos. Not just any tattoo, but tattoos that are big, thick, black, tribal tattoos. On one of her inner forearms, she is sporting a big scorpion, and on the other inner forearm she is sporting a pentagram. Across her upper back, she has a large phoenix, because, don't cha know, she rises from the dust just like a phoenix and reinvents herself?! Really makes a mother proud I tell you. You know if they weren't so darn big and in your face, I might be able to tolerate them. I've seen attractive tats before, so that's not it.

Oh well, detach, detach, detach! It's not my body, I didn't chose it, so I don't own it. You know, none of that other stuff they do makes sense either and I know I can't stop any of it. I work very, very hard not to make their problems MY problems. I usually know about stuff, but I pretty comfortable with letting my difficult child handle her own problems. My head does not have a bulls eye on it saying, dump all your garbage here, so that I can make myself sick from running in circles over and over again only to repeat they cycle the next day or in some cases the next hour. So from one mom of a difficult child to another mom of a difficult child, big hugs!

 

[hearts and roses]

Sending strength. No one can tell you how to react, only you know what is right for you. I certainly do not blame you for seeking a different place and/or not visiting right now. What would be the point, so you could just get into it again? Better to wait for that visit.

If it's any consolation whatsoever, my 19gfg recently had her nipples pierced. I saw them. I just don't get it. I warned her to keep them clean and free of lint...to avoid infection. With her horrible hygiene, I'm sure it's just a matter of time before they are infected. And difficult child has already had two serious breast infections...so I have no idea why she would mess with this. And now she is planning her 5th tattoo. It is aggravating to say the least. You have my sympathies.

 

[witzend]

My post got eaten on this thread last night too. In short, what I said was that {{{{{{{{{big hugs}}}}}}}}}} for the stress of dealing with her doing something so foolish.

Also, if it were me, I would have to do my best to let the piercing roll right off my back, especially given that it is infected. A safety pin is never going to work unless it is a jewelry safety pin meant for a piercing! But, hopefully if she goes to a doctor, he'll tell her to take it out if it is still in, and tell her what an idiot thing it was to do.

We had an exchange student who one weekend when she was supposed to be studying for finals pierced her ears with blunt earrings. Of course it took forever and she bled all over but never said a word to us about what she was doing until a week later. But she successfully avoided studying for the finals. Any chance your daughter was hoping this would get her out of school?

 

[janebrain]

My sympathies as well. My difficult child pierced her own belly button, chin and nose when she was under 18 under my express instructions that she could not pierce anything (other than ears) until she was 18 and could get it done professionally. I'd actually forgotten about it til I saw it talked about here . She also has several tattoos.

Jo, I can't imagine getting your nipples pierced! That sounds so painful to me, like torture really. These difficult children are really weird!

Beth, take care and do what you need to do!

Jane

 

[KTMom91]

Hugs, Beth. Don't blame you a bit for wanting to wait on the visit.

 

[Suz]

At one point Rob had 21 piercings....all but 2 were self-inflicted. Happily, now he is down to.....2!!! I give ex and me some credit---we didn't make a big deal of them so the novelty to make Mom and Dad nuts just wasn't there. Instead of focusing on the piercings, we basically looked at the top of his head for 2 years.

Time for a tune up, Beth, and re-familiarize yourself with these handy dandy responses :

http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=685

Raising our kids is not for the faint of heart.

Hugs,
Suz

 

[goldenguru]

Piercings can be removed as the others have pointed out. Take a big breath and say nothing. Piercings and tattoos are a generational thing. I don't get it frankly - but I'm old

She is 18. I would continue to try to influence her versus control her. If she overeats - the consequences are hers. If she quits school the consequences are hers.

Sorry you're feeling crappy. Chant with me "Detach. Detach. Detach"

Hugs.

 

[mrscatinthehat]

Thank you all. I must print out that list of responses. I used to be so much better with them but in general she just makes me angry so I am not on top of my game.

beth