TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
Taking away dessert is about the only thing that seems to have an effect on him.
LOL! Hey, whatever works!!!! Way To Go! This is going to sound horrid, but I'll tell you because it worked.
One night, after difficult child had been exceptionally horrid, had literally thrown his food across the room, I sent him out of the room. Hours later, I prepared a huge dinner and humungous fantastic dessert. with-prior conspiring with-husband, we called difficult child to the table, put tiny tsp of ea healthy serving on his plate, sat down and ate as if nothing happened. Then, dessert time.
I showed him what I had made. Waved it under his nose. In an enticing voice, I said, "Doesn't this look good? Wouldn't you like some?"
Of course, he said yes.
I said, "Too bad. You can't have any."
Mean? Yes. Successful? You bet. He got the point loud and clear. It was all food related.
Yes, he occasionally acts up in reg to food but "occasionally" is the operative word. We immediately send him away from the table. We used to argue and ruin the whole meal (sometimes I look back and wonder how we let things get so out of control). Now it's immediate. He knows when my chair goes back, that's it and he responds immediately, fork to his lips right that instant. The rest of the meal is calm.
Sorry, I got off on a food tangent...
I've been thinking about his verbal abuse alot lately. I think that in some ways I must be allowing him to do this.
In a sense that you can help control it, yes. But in the sense that you should feel guilty, absolutely not!!!!
So, because I can't seem to find a better way of handling him, he is verbally abusive until he decides to stop.
I have a similar note here somewhere and I got some really good advice. I'll try to find it and refer back to it. I think Marguerite had some really good things to say.
I absolutely HATE that he has this kind of control over me!!! It makes me furious. I just don't know what to do about it. I'm hoping some medication might help him.
We used medications as a last resort. In fact, they have helped because now we can continue to put all the other interventions/plans into effect and his mind is calm enough to absorb the information. Whenever I doubt this, I only have to look as far as a day (like today)when he hasn't had his medications, and compare his behavior to a yr ago. He's still wild, still argumentative, but much less more so. Today I went to a friend's house where he spent the night, and gave him his medication. He was already out of control, but took the medication and I stayed there and watched it go down. I was in and out in 5 min. A yr ago, he would have slammed the door on my fingers and it would have been WWIII. (Yes, we grounded him from overnights many, many times and he has worked his way up to this reward.)
In many ways, we have to turn our personalities into bulldogs. Stubborn and persistent. That's where the warrior mom icon comes in. I hate it, hate it hate it. But I hate the idea of the potentially life-damaging long-term consequences if I don't stand my ground. It takes SO much energy. But then I think, what if I expend the wrong kind of energy on feeling sorry for myself and hating my son, for all these yrs, and have nothing to show for it? It takes the same amt of energy to stand my ground and teach him how to behave. It's just taking a h*ll of a lot more warm baths, chocolate, massages, aspirin, and wine to make it happen!!! :eek: :smile:
Okay, we haven't done this all on our own. We have a really neat child psychiatric we use, and a great support group here on this bb! :bravo:
LOL! Hey, whatever works!!!! Way To Go! This is going to sound horrid, but I'll tell you because it worked.
One night, after difficult child had been exceptionally horrid, had literally thrown his food across the room, I sent him out of the room. Hours later, I prepared a huge dinner and humungous fantastic dessert. with-prior conspiring with-husband, we called difficult child to the table, put tiny tsp of ea healthy serving on his plate, sat down and ate as if nothing happened. Then, dessert time.
I showed him what I had made. Waved it under his nose. In an enticing voice, I said, "Doesn't this look good? Wouldn't you like some?"
Of course, he said yes.
I said, "Too bad. You can't have any."
Mean? Yes. Successful? You bet. He got the point loud and clear. It was all food related.
Yes, he occasionally acts up in reg to food but "occasionally" is the operative word. We immediately send him away from the table. We used to argue and ruin the whole meal (sometimes I look back and wonder how we let things get so out of control). Now it's immediate. He knows when my chair goes back, that's it and he responds immediately, fork to his lips right that instant. The rest of the meal is calm.
Sorry, I got off on a food tangent...
I've been thinking about his verbal abuse alot lately. I think that in some ways I must be allowing him to do this.
In a sense that you can help control it, yes. But in the sense that you should feel guilty, absolutely not!!!!
So, because I can't seem to find a better way of handling him, he is verbally abusive until he decides to stop.
I have a similar note here somewhere and I got some really good advice. I'll try to find it and refer back to it. I think Marguerite had some really good things to say.
I absolutely HATE that he has this kind of control over me!!! It makes me furious. I just don't know what to do about it. I'm hoping some medication might help him.
We used medications as a last resort. In fact, they have helped because now we can continue to put all the other interventions/plans into effect and his mind is calm enough to absorb the information. Whenever I doubt this, I only have to look as far as a day (like today)when he hasn't had his medications, and compare his behavior to a yr ago. He's still wild, still argumentative, but much less more so. Today I went to a friend's house where he spent the night, and gave him his medication. He was already out of control, but took the medication and I stayed there and watched it go down. I was in and out in 5 min. A yr ago, he would have slammed the door on my fingers and it would have been WWIII. (Yes, we grounded him from overnights many, many times and he has worked his way up to this reward.)
In many ways, we have to turn our personalities into bulldogs. Stubborn and persistent. That's where the warrior mom icon comes in. I hate it, hate it hate it. But I hate the idea of the potentially life-damaging long-term consequences if I don't stand my ground. It takes SO much energy. But then I think, what if I expend the wrong kind of energy on feeling sorry for myself and hating my son, for all these yrs, and have nothing to show for it? It takes the same amt of energy to stand my ground and teach him how to behave. It's just taking a h*ll of a lot more warm baths, chocolate, massages, aspirin, and wine to make it happen!!! :eek: :smile:
Okay, we haven't done this all on our own. We have a really neat child psychiatric we use, and a great support group here on this bb! :bravo:
