difficult child and court yesterday

[FlowerGarden]

difficult child was scared stiff yesterday. It was good to see him squirm for all that he has put us through lately. While we were waiting for his case to be called, our lawyer went to talk to the prosecutor. She came back and asked to talk to husband in the hall while difficult child and I waited in the waiting room. Turns out that the lawyer told husband that they wanted to "make everything go away" and asked if that's what we wanted. husband said, no way. He explained that we didn't want him locked up but wanted him to be on some type of probation and to get help. difficult child would think he could get away with anything if he didn't get some type of consequence and help now.

So, they are looking to drop 1 of the charges and downgrade the other. Our lawyer gave paperwork from the doctors and hospitals to the prosecutor. We have to go back on 1/19 to see what the prosecutor came up with. They did tell him that they will not detain him though.

 

[Lori4ever]

Hopefully they will actually help him at some point. been there done that. I hope it works out well.

 

[OTE]

Glad it worked out for you. I find one of the interesting differences between where I am now and you are... differences in states....is the way the lawyer treats parents. In NJ they would talk to me like they did to you as his guardian. Here in NC my 15 yr old's lawyer wouldn't talk to me at all. I told him I don't care if he talks but he has to listen to me. Same thing as you, I wanted treatment more than I cared about whether or not there were charges. But here it seems that the lawyer legally is consaidered the child's guardian rather than me. Thus I am an outsider in the whole process and as such his lawyer can't talk to me at all. Interesting difference.

 

[lovemysons]

Sounds very positive.

We did the same thing in regard to consequencing young difficult child's behavior by a legal route this past year. He raged and broke things, tore up his room...they even sent an investigator and "camera crew" out to take pics of the damage once we called policed, report filed, etc.
It helped get him on probation which insured, regular drug testing, individual counceling, psychiatric evaluation (no psychiatric diagnosis was found by that dr though) His GED completed/passed, college started, work hours and community service hours (20). It reminded him this past year that there were eyes even bigger than mom and dads on him and he already got to see what the adult "kennel" looks like in downtown Dallas as he often went with me to be a "bodyguard" of sorts while visiting my oldest difficult child before he was sent to Prison Rehab. It's a very dangerous area. We made a night out of it though: Starbucks, drive downtown, visit time, meeting afterward, and home...there were lots of tears and difficult child saw for himself what misery surrounded places like that. I did not have to speak a word.

Anyway...Knowing who to call and have confront him and him knowing the consequences that will await him, based on his behaviors, can be good lessons.
It works both ways...the results aren't up to us, hopefully they are in a willing spirit "place".

You read my post and responded to it, thank you.
Notice...my difficult child has only raged about a handfull of times this past 12 months of probation and he raged on his very last day of probation, geez. I think it still turned into a learning experience but sadly I have to admit, it doesn't change his "nature", what he is prone to do when he is not thinking, has unrealistic expectations, makes assumptions, and comes to faulty conclusions.

I would highly recommend your lawyer and prosecutor discuss mandatory AA meetings as well as any other probation requirements.
He can successfully complete the terms. Mine did...pretty amazing actually, although I Know he wanted to just give up in the beginning because the list of things required in the year looked SO BIG when taken in entirety rather than smalls chunks along the way...one day at a time.


listening and caring,
hang in there.
lovemysons

 

[TYLERFAN]

I hope they can find a workable solution.

Blessings,
Melissa

 

[Sunlight]

there is always a deal it seems. the programs and facilities are over crowded and they like to have the parents take over their kids and get them out of the system at that age. ant got away with so much for so long. it taught him to fear, he thought he was teflon don.

it finally caught up with him. hopefully your son will learn sooner rather than later.