difficult child back to ER

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by HereWeGoAgain, May 19, 2011.

  1. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    difficult child is in the hospital detoxing. She called my parents a few days ago, and they picked her up and took her to the ER, where she stayed until she was admitted to the Behavioral Health unit. Now she's looking for a place to go when the hospital discharges her. The sober house she applied to a couple of months ago won't take her now.

    My mother says she "seems to have free access to the phone and stays busy calling the many numbers she has in her memory bank." One of her calls was to wife. I'm told that difficult child complained about her lack of options for post-hospital placements; she trotted out her now-standard line about "I refuse to be institutionalized for the rest of my life!" At that my wife lost it, and a shouting match ensued which ended with wife yelling "You're dead to me!" and hanging up. Yeah, that was over the top, but I don't blame her much. Of course I wish she would not have answered the phone at all or, having picked up, would've said "I'm sure you'll figure something out" or one of those other great lines. wife feels terribly guilty, but she has talked to my mom and her counselor about it and feels like the best thing is to avoid talking to difficult child or fretting about her as much as possible - in other words, detachment. Bravo!

    difficult child called her grandmother right after that, crying about how awful her mom was. Grandmother's response was, stop calling her and tormenting her. Then when difficult child started to recount her sufferings, her g-mother told her to get off the pity pot, because she wasn't interested.


    Now for the good news - wife and I are taking easy child 1 and a friend on a 10-day VC trip to the beach, leaving Saturday! :beach_ball::beach::bbq: It'll be like that "detachment summer camp" you all are talking about.

    The other good news - I have had two interviews for a job back home and looks like I might get an offer; if so we can be a nuclear family again (wife, easy child 1 and me, and easy child son 2 until he gets his own place - he has got a new job with very good pay and benefits, so hopefully it'll be pretty soon.)
    Last edited: May 19, 2011
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sounds like things are improving in your life. A vacation sounds like a GREAT plan! DDD
  3. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I am so sorry about your difficult child. Gosh, by 30, I would be like your wife. So, so mad that she can't get her life together - and wanting to not feel anymore pain - and then I would just blurt out something wanting to make her go away.

    My cousin is 37, drug user, being abused, and in the same boat. It is hard to watch the scenario from her parent's angle as well as see from her angle..

    OTH, so glad you guys are going on a vaca!!! I am quite jealous!!! Have a wonderful time - and good luck on the job!!
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Well, I can say I blame wife much. By the time they've hit their 30's it's just really hard to listen to any of it anymore.

    As for Gma..........Way To Go!!!!

    That vacation sounds like an awesome idea. Glad you guys will get to enjoy a somewhat real life version of our cyber get away.

    Great news about the job too!!

  5. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'd say that despite the blowup, wife and Grandma both did great with detachment on this one... hooray for both of them! It's SO hard to hold our tongues sometimes when listening to a difficult child spew their blame and denial... been there done that (just this afternoon with Youngest in fact.. sigh). But standing your ground is the important part.. and you all are doing a great job.

    ENJOY that vacation.. you've earned it! Good luck on the interviews!
  6. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    First of all- congrats on your good news! I hope a job offer comes through for you!

    Tell your wife I have said awful things to my difficult child in the heat of the moment as well. It's hard not to when you're dealing with a completely irrational adult. I once said this awesome line, "I should've just run around drinking and picking up men instead of staying home with you when you were young. You turned out a big mess anyway." That was great, so tell her not to feel so bad!

    And let's hope your difficult child gets the help she so desperately needs- it looks like she's headed that way so I'll hope for the best for all of you!
  7. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Enjoy that vacation. You deserve it!!! I love grandma's response, gooooo grandma!! Good luck with the job interviews. Keep us posted.
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Gotta love Grandma and the pity pot. And a little FYI - When Moms yell - you are dead to me ? The reality of it is......there is no way the kid is dead to her - she'll be right back there asking for something in NO time - so in her mind tell her I said to add - You are dead to me UNTIL YOU NEED SOMETHING ELSE and THEN? You;ll come crawling back------

    just play that over and over in your mind - it helps.

    Enjoy VC. ENJOY THE INTERVIEW........I hope it has a VERY NICE MICROSCOPE!
  9. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    We are back from our vacation and what a blessing it was. Ten days without any worries beyond where are we going to eat? wife accidentally left her cell phone charger behind (I swear I had nothing to do with it) so we were pretty much blissfully unaware of happenings back home. It was like going to Detachment City, a very nice place to visit.

    It was our granddaughter easy child 1's very first visit to the ocean and she was absolutely entranced. We brought along a friend of hers, my wife's best friend's grandson, who is a couple of years younger than easy child 1. They had a blast boogie boarding in the surf and digging in the sand. Papa (i.e., me) got a seriously deep sunburn on day one - I think I had as much fun making sand castles as the kids.

    A further blessing is that I received and accepted an offer on the job I interviewed for, so I will be moving back home in a month - home every night and no more 1200 mile commuting! Yay!

    I will post a new thread on what difficult child got up to while we were gone.
  10. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    I need that 'Like" button! Sounds like a wonderful trip!