difficult child booted from program again


New Member
difficult child called supposedly to wish me a happy holiday. Next thing out of his mouth is that he will be out Feb 14th. Says that is when his 180 days are up on the probation violation. I remind him that they said 180 days AND the Early out program. I said that it was a four month program and that he had only just started last month. Well then he tells me that he was booted out of the program for fighting and cannot get back in until mid January. This is the second time he has done this. So I began lecturing him. I couldn't help myself. I told him that he just keeps getting in his own way and that he is acting like an animal by just reacting instead of thinking thigs through. I told him to say a prayer when he gets stressed instead of using his fists and/or foul language. I told him that he keeps saying how much he misses his niece and nephew and that they look up to him and he just keeps letting them down.

Then I stopped myself and apologized. I knew he really didn't need to hear me lecture him on his behavior. He had just gotten out of the "hole". He knew his behavior was not acceptable, not even in prison. But he says very softly and respectfully "It's ok mom I know you are just looking out for my best interest." Then he starts to cry.

I stayed strong and I told him that he needed to talk to his Po or someone at the prison or his lawyer and find out exactly what he needed to do to get out. Then I said that I had to go and that I couldn't wish him a Merry Christmas since that was impossible (he giggled at that) but that I wished him a peaceful one. He said thank you and that he loved me. I said that I was his mother and that I loved him and that I always would but that I didn't love the things he did. I'm sad for him BUT I am not devastated like I would have been a year ago.

I told husband about the call and he said he will call the PO after the holidays and see what difficult child's options are now. I would like him to finish the program before he is released. I think he would have a better chance at getting a job and having a decent life if he did. I sent him a new Bible and a Chicken Soup type book for Christmas and I put some money in his account so he could buy a sweatshirt and some gloves and socks. I don't know what more I can do other than visit which I am advised not to do by my therapist.

I went to the autism site that Janebrain suggested and took the questionnaire as if difficult child were 5 years old and it said that he could be moderately autistic. It fits with what I have always thought but his psychiatrist disagreed because difficult child wants friends and has feelings. I guess psychiatrist had the old idea of autism as his guide. It doesn't matter difficult child got all the proper interventions anyway. Its just that now I wonder if he will ever be able to do what he needs to in order to earn his release and ultimate freedom. He has 4 years parole when he gets out. I cannot see him staying out of trouble for that length of time(Long sigh) -RM


Active Member
I'm so sorry RM that difficult child isn't completing the program. On the upside, his conversation with you sounded very mature and honest.

I'm guessing you and husband will be coming up with some plans for difficult child. Hopefully PO will have some input.

I should actually say that difficult child is making these plans....but you know what I mean :grin:

Sending you many gentle hugs.


Well-Known Member
I'm glad you have passed Detachment 101 and one of the supplemental courses. Yes, you had a momentary "slip" but you jumped back on the program asap. Way To Go!

on the other hand, the "sweatshirt, gloves and socks" part got to me as
I spent hours worrying about our son being cold in jail and
having to wait two weeks before getting his sweatshirt and
socks. Somehow that really bugged me.

The high functioning autism segment also rings true. I don't know why the experts haven't gotten comfortable with
the idea that one can seek friends and fall into the diagnosis.

Maybe the near year will bring better times. Hugs. DDD


(the future) MRS. GERE
I sure wish our kids didn't always have to learn the hard way, RM. :frown:

Big hugs,


New Member
I think you handled it well. I do the same thing, start lecturing before I think about what I'm saying, but you did good in pulling yourself back out of it. I think you did very well with detatching and he seemed to understand.

Merry Christmas!!!!

Hound dog

Nana's are Beautiful
You did a great job. :bravo: Hopefully PO can give some good advice.

Sounds like the call went well. I don't understand the friend thing either. T wants friends, the desire is there. He just doesn't really know how to do it. He has trouble getting past aquaintance unless the other person is willing to put in alot of extra effort.