difficult child came over to talk

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Nancy, Oct 17, 2011.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child called this afternoon and asked of she could come over and talk and I said yes. When she got here she said she was very stressed out and spent the weekend crying and said she didn't know why she thought she could raise a baby. She asked about abortion and I told her to go to planned parenthood right now. She did that and was referred to a clinic. She is going to have an abortion on Friday. I know this is a very sensitive subject for many and I don't want to cause any kind of upset here, but it is a decision she came to on her own and the one she says makes the most sense to her in her current situation.

    Friday easy child is moving into her apartment and the movers will be here at 8 am but either husband or I will be there with difficult child. Her best friend from school is going to be there too for support.

  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Doesn't matter whether or not "I" support it... what does matter is that it is her decision, and she seems to have your support as well. Its really, really tough when the chances are high of damage done already due to alcohol or whatever else...

    Good that she still felt free to come back "home" and talk about it!
  3. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    {{{hugs}}} I know it will be tough for everyone and it's not a decision that she made lightly.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Nancy, both of you have my support. Tell her that her Aunt Janet has been there done that and loves her with all her heart and feels that she is doing the best thing for herself right now. Things will be right later. Please give her my love and hugs okay? And if she ever needs to talk to someone...I am here.
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks Janet, you are so sweet. And I will.

  6. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Hey Nancy - not to butt in or anything - but maybe you can encourage her to obtain a form of BC that is not prone to user error - such as an IUD or implant - at her follow up? That might be a huge weight off your shoulders...

    Just a thought.
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Signorina, that is the first order of business.

  8. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Nancy - I couldn't have said it better than Janet. Many hugs to you and to J.
  9. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Nancy, you both have my support as well .... I know this has to be a heart-wrenching decision for difficult child. I'm thinking of all of you.
  10. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    It's particularly good that she thought it out and came to the decision herself. So agree about the bc in the future. Sounds kooky, but we pay our daughter to get her depo shot. IT's a little out of line with our detachment policy...but we consider it an absolute necessity on a variety of levels.
  11. Elsieshaye

    Elsieshaye Member

    Both of you have my support. I know that wasn't an easy decision to come to, and I'm really glad that she came to talk to you about it. Being able to appropriately ask for help and show vulnerability, but then still take action on her own behalf rather than melting down into total passivity and "fix it for me, mom" - that's huge. I'll be thinking of you all on Friday.
  12. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I thought the same thing Elyse. I'm glad she felt comfortable enough to talk to me and I'm also glad she handled it on her own. I asked if she wanted me to come with her today for the counseling and she said no but I told her one of us would be there with her Friday.
  13. buddy

    buddy New Member

    It's wonderful that she is being mature and and realistic about this. Yes, everyone can have their personal views, but here, we all have the additional persepctive of knowing how kids suffer when they have huge challenges. Both your daughter and the baby would suffer. My grown up already a mom-sister just went thru this too and though it turned out the baby had died anyway, we all supported her and she went into it thinking it was an abortion. It was heart breaking for her. Lots of love, Hugs and support. I hope she has the strength to go through with it. Will be thinking of your family often.
  14. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Nancy you definitely both have my support and hugs too!! I am so so so glad she came to you for support. I think that speaks volumes.... and is a testament to the importance of keeping the door open to communication and your love even as you also set boundaries. You are an amazing mom and maybe some part of her sees that too. And yes this had to be her decision and i am glad she came to it on her own... just the fact she realized she is in no shape to raise a baby is huge.

  15. keista

    keista New Member

    It is a very difficult decision to make, and I'm sorry she ended up in a situation where she had to make such a decision, but in my opinion it is the right decision for all involved. Prayers going out for all of you.
  16. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    She is very lucky that you will be there to support her. I went through this with-Kat before she had KK. Not fun, but definitely important to have someone they feel comfortable with to help them through. Postive thoughts are going out to all of you!
  17. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Janet said it beautifully. I'm glad that she made a mature decision and that she has you and your husband as a support system.

    Sending a great big hug!

  18. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Janet said it perfectly. You have all the support i can send. (((((hugs)))))
  19. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    wow, even if it is only selfish reasons as I am too young to be tied down by a baby or more altruistic ones, I couldn't be a good mom to this baby, there is at least some level of maturity operating. It is a difficult decision to make under any circumstances. she is to be congratulated on not having this fantasy life about a baby who will fill all the empty holes.

    Hope it represents another step forward on her journey.

    big kudos for you for having hit the just right level of detachment. This one has been particularly hard. I will be thinking of you all.
  20. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I couldn't say it any better than Janet did. Many hugs to you both. It's not an easy decision to make.