difficult child has a hangover-uh oh, update mystery!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by hearts and roses, Jan 19, 2007.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    difficult child just called me from school and told me she has a hangover. She actually wanted me to come pick her up because she felt like crap. HAHA. Even if I did have a car, I wouldn't pick her up. She can suffer through it and now she's grounded. I hate grounding, I don't think it does anything. I think it's basically useless, but right now I feel like I have no alternative other than to keep her at home 24/7.

    On Thursday evenings she attends an open mike session at a local coffee shop - all the kids go there. Apparently, someone had Captain Morgan and she imbibed. Stupid, Stupid @$$. I even thought she sounded funny last nightand asked her if she was drinking (she said no, her friend giggled in the back seat). She didn't smell like alcohol, she smelled like 8 million cigarettes though.

    I know things are sucking big time with her whole boyfriend situation, but this is no excuse. I am so angry. Eerrrgghh.
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree Jo, let her suffer. Sorry.

  3. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I am all for natural consequences. Let her suffer -RM
  4. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    It's tough to live with one's stupid choice to drink. I agree, let her suffer through it.
  5. KFld

    KFld New Member

    The funny thing is that she calls and admits it. I would have just told my mother I thought I had the bug or something :smile:
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I went through that last year with my difficult child, but she was only 14. I agree, let her live with the consequences. Maybe she will think about how badly she felt the next time.

  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    [ QUOTE ]
    The funny thing is that she calls and admits it. I would have just told my mother I thought I had the bug or something :smile:

    [/ QUOTE ]

    I know! That's her MO though. She always eventually comes clean after a short while. She says she has a hard time sticking to a lie because I always know everything! :hammer: hahaha-

    Obviously that's not altogether true because there have been plenty of times she's lied and was very good at it!
  8. KFld

    KFld New Member

    My difficult child has always been the same way. I usually found out things about him because he would give himself away by asking something stupid that would give me a signal, or just plain telling me things that I couldn't believe he would tell me.
  9. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    Payback is a bit#*! Hard to sit through school hungover - I'm sure you'll feel bad later. :rofl:

    Love those natural consequences. :warrior:
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    difficult child just called me AGAIN to tell me that she has to talk to me when I get home and that I am not going to be happy, in fact, I will be very angry....uh oh. I asked her if she could tell me over the phone and she said it's better if I don't. And she told me that the school nurse told her if she sees her talking to the exbf, she will expel her. So, WTF is up? LOL - I'm laughing because this is just too ridiculous. I can't wait to find out what's up. Will tell you later.
  11. houseofcards

    houseofcards New Member

    Hope the news doesn't get much worse.
  12. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Somebody has a line in thier post signature...something like, "He's like a wrecking ball no longer attached to the chain". I feel like that's what I'm witnessing with my difficult child.

    It feels like nothing I've said these past few weeks, months, and years, has sunken into her little brain. She settles down just enough for me to catch my breath, barely sometimes, and then she picks up where she left off.

    The other day a friend of ours excitedly asked me, "So are you already making plans for [difficult child's] room?" in reference to the time following difficult child's *possible* HS graduation. It took me a moment to understand what she was talking about because within the past few months I've resigned myself to the fact that difficult child is likely not going anywhere. She's likely going to stick close to home. She'll only be 17 and she's just not prepared to get 'out there'. She forgets to take her medications, she impulsive to the max, she'd wind up pregnant, and probably homeless. No lie - that's how I feel, that's what I see for her if she leaves the nest too soon. Is it egotistical of me to feel that she'd fail so miserably without being near me? Without me around to help her pick herself up when she falls every other month?

    I don't wanna go home!
  13. Lori4ever

    Lori4ever New Member

    Oh, no! I hope the news isn't too bad! Sounds scary to me! I would have let her suffer the hangover, too.
  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would let her suffer through the hangover too-good for you. I hope whatever news she has to share isn't too bad.
  15. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    The news was that on New Years eve, when her boyfriend and his friend were over, they were watching movies in difficult child's room, door open (we had friends over), difficult child fell asleep. When she woke up the boyfriend was pushing her head down towards his p.e.n.i.s, which he had whipped out. I remember difficult child running out of her room crying along with her girl friend who was over as well, and I asked what was up and she said it was nothing. I assumed that she and the boyfriend had another stupid argument. What made difficult child decide to finally tell me this is that the boyfriend told his friends that HE fell asleep and that when he woke up difficult child was "down there getting busy" and now that they have broken up, the incident the impetus of course, he's telling everyone this story. difficult child went to school today and was mortified when a guy friend of hers told her what the exbf was telling everyone.

    In regards to the drinking...she had two sips of tequila mixed with sprite and was pretending to be drunk on Thurs night, and with all the drama in schoool today decided to use a hangover as not only an excuse (thinking I'd come rescue her no doubt) but also as a means to gain some attention. Ugh.

    Her whole face was puffy and she'd been crying all day and when she burst into fresh tears near dinner time, I asked her what now, she said she's just so tired of her life "always being f*cked up". "Well," I said, "maybe it is good that you feel that way...you can now use this as an opportunity to do things different in your life, make better choices, etc." She shook her head yes, but I could see that wasn't the response she was looking for. All I could think of was if you keep doing the same thing, you will get the same results and told her so. It's time to change the way she does things.

    But, then I had to leave at that point...H came home from work in agony - he fell 6 feet off a ladder and landed on his shoulder. Thought he broke it, but we went to the hospital and it turns out its not broken, thank God. Just a lot of pain. So, the time away gave difficult child some time to think things over I hope. She seems somber, but better.

    I'm beat - thanks for the thoughts everyone. G'night~
  16. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    The poor girl - what a nasty thing for ex-boyfriend to do. We went through some similar garbage when easy child 2/difficult child 2 broke up with her recent ex. He blogged on a website where she's well-known, some very nasty, vicious stuff about her - then asked her to get back together with him!

    She needs to rise above it. Getting drunk is not the best way to cope, because that only makes the boyfriend's story more easily believed and makes it harder for her to think of a good comeback line.

    She shouldn't have been drinking, but if she'd already heard about boyfriend's lies then I can understand it. Not forgive it, but understand. And crying that much will give you a headache anyway.

    Can you sit with her and role-play some killing responses she can use for the next time someone makes a comment about ex-boyfriend's lies? It also gives you another opportunity to talk to her about choices. What she says he did to her - sounds like Australia's Big Brother house "turkey slap" incident. Yuk!

    One thing she COULD say - "If his version is right, then why did I break up with HIM?" And for a more effective put-down - "Why would I want to do that with HIM? He was already leaving a nasty taste in my mouth." [sorry if I offend anyone with that one, but it sounds like this girl has been dragged through the mud already, she needs some help to cope].

    Dignity and humour of a sort implying "he is beneath my dignity" will give the lie to this creep's words. In his attempt he committed sexual assault. Now he's desperately trying to protect himself. Here's hoping she learns from this to not trust the wrong type of bloke too readily.

  17. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Poor girl. No wonder why she was trying to come home. Guys can be such idiots at that age. I remember when I was around 16 I really liked this guy and we were at a party. We went for a walk and he was trying to convince me to have sex the first time we were ever together and I said no and we went back to the party. Of course the next day all of our friends were telling me how they heard we "did it" when we went for that walk. I never talked to him again. It is an awful feeling though because of course half of the people believed me and half believed him.

    Tell her that her real friends who know her are the ones that are going to believe her, and for the ones that don't, forget them.

    Hopefully this will get her to take a look at what her life is becoming and want to make some changes.
  18. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    It has changed so much since we were in school.

    My easy child has experienced something similar. She was devasted, and I got the calls from school to save her.

    It is a hard world our teens live in. I remind my easy child that when high school is over everyone will go there separte ways and her life as an adult will begin~ regardless of what some kids said and tryed to do in school.

    It is just shocking what the girls have to endure from the guys and the other girls for that matter.
  19. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member


    My difficult child did some really stupid things in 8th and 9th grades that followed her for a long time. She thought it would make her look cool to tell everyone that she had sex with this one boy (he's the bad boy of the school) nine times. That rumor went around school in a flash and she found it didn't make her popular, it made her a s*ut. She also started going to parties where all the kids got drunk and smoked dope and came home drunk a couple times.

    If you read my last update you know that she finally decided to turn her life around but that wasn't until she had to spend the weekend in juvenile detention downtown. I think for the first time in her life she saw the kind of kids that she was trying to become and it scared her. It took a long time for her to shake the reputation that she had but she has and she is making a lot better decision now.

    Let your difficult child know that when she is ready to change her life you will be there to support her but that it has to come from her. It can be done and she will find herself a lot happier.

  20. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Thanks ladies. When we're talking about things, she's angry with me for pointing out what is so painfully obvious to us. Then she thinks about it and seems to 'get it'. And then, after the tears and heartbreak...she seems to try and appease everyone. Me, so that I trust her again. The stupidheads so they aren't mad at her. And herself so that she can rise above it somehow.

    Last night a boy called our house at 3AM. I was p*ssed off I called his house back in the hopes that a parent would answer - he did instead. I gave him an earful but then I couldn't sleep. He apologized. This morning I called his mom, a woman I've never met before. I think I was right in calling the mom - she should know that her son and his stupid friends were in the basement drinking and drunk-dialing! At 3AM! This morning, H told me he heard me and that he wouldn't have wanted to be on the other end of the phone at that hour - apparently, I really gave it to the kid. His mom was a nice woman, didn't have a clue and seemed very upset about her son calling our house at that hour. Oh well. When I told difficult child that I spoke with his mom, she was upset with me because she apparently spoke to the boys and yelled at them. She may not understand now how important it was that I called the mom, but maybe one day when she has a 17dd, she will understand. I don't really even care if it bugged her, it's my house.

    I did some role playing a while back with difficult child, perhaps its time again. Thanks marg. Nancy, when difficult child said she was tired of feeling like everything was always f*cked up, that's exactly what I told her. She knows what she has to do, but is she strong enough to do it? I don't know, but I'm not going to be making it easy for her to continue in this vein.

    Thanks again.