difficult child screwed up again --- Updated again PO called


New Member
husband went to visit difficult child at the prison today to ask about some of his ideas on places for rehab when he gets out but was told difficult child could have no visitors. When husband asked why he was told that difficult child "did something very stupid" and is now in isolation. The guard would not tell husband what difficult child did. So I am thinking that he probably just blew his chance at parole. His hearing was scheduled for FEB. 14th and not having access to a telephone due to being in isolation difficult child can't make any of the calls he needs to make.

I just don't know what to think. some of the thoughts flying around in my head are: 1)Is difficult child so stressed he cannot control himself? 2)They are messing with his medications again because he had a seizure. they took him off the thorizine so could that have precipated this last infraction? 3)Is this a sign that he isn't ready to get out or 4) is this a sign that we should get him out ASAP and into another Residential Treatment Center (RTC) where his medications and treatment will be carried out effectively and not haphazardly?

I hate when they don't allow husband to see him. I am always thinking the worst. I wonder if they have beat difficult child. Is he bruised and they don't want us to see that. All kinds of wild thoughts in my head. -RM


Well-Known Member
{{{Hugs}}}. Does difficult child have a retained attorney or did he use a public defender? I ask, because his attorney (I believe) would be allowed to make contact even if no one else could.


New Member
TM, difficult child went through the PD this last time. They had a conflict of intrest so they refered him out to a private attorney. when I called him he told me he was no longer on retainer by the PD because difficult child's case was resolved in court. He said that difficult child would need a PD for any new issues and so difficult child doesn't have a lawyer at this moment.

hearts and roses

Mind Reader
{{{RM}}} My thoughts are with you and your family. I'm sorry difficult child has found himself in another difficult situation. I can only imagine how hard it is to NOT have any contact with him so you can ask him all those questions.

Gentle hugs~


Well-Known Member
Have you contacted NAMI? I believe they have a lawyer referral program. There also may be some solid advice on how to proceed. I don't understand how isolation is appropriate for a prisoner how recently made a suicide gesture.


New Member
I thought I had posted but... anyway could you try the medical division in the prison. At least you might get some information. Hugs

timer lady

Queen of Hearts

I hate to see you jump to the worst case scenario. The level of your anxiety comes across as very high.

I hope you or husband can find some answers...be reassured that difficult child is being given his medications.

Take care of you - your hands are tied (at the moment) for difficult child.


New Member
I'm sorry RM.
Sending hugs and prayers.
Maybe you could call legal aid and advise them that difficult child needs legal assistance?

Melissa * It's 9 degrees today! :smile:


Active Member
Call the jail warden and ask about it.
When ant was in iso I hated it because he could not communicate with me at all. So, I called and asked for the person in charge of the jail. It was a lieutenant. he told me the situation.

I also found that they put them in iso then they have a hearing in a few days to determine internally if they want to keep them there.

It is very very unlikely he has been beaten.

the other choice is to call the jail medical person and ask them to visit your son. I have done that as well.

you had been talking to his PO, perhaps she can also give you input.

I hate hate hate ISOLATION cells. it is inhumane. your son is most likely trying to sleep his days away. by law he can only be held 23 hrs and must be allowed out one hour per day. during that hour, ant showered, walked around and called me. I do know there were days in a row he was not allowed to call me though.

sigh. my heart hurts for you.


Active Member
you can only hire a private lawyer-they would be allowed to talk to the inmate.

the public defenders do not visit in prison and only talk to the inmate in the court house right before the hearing in my experience.

also in ant's jails, suicide gestures are common and they ignore a lot of them. they only responded if the person succeeded in passing out somehow. they have cameras in iso and can watch the person there.
they can put them in iso for the smallest things!! ant was in for a month once for giving his shoes to another inmate in exchange for candy.


Active Member
The other suggestion is to call your state representative office and the senator's office for help. I did that also with ant and feel the pressure may have helped get him moved to my county and my home.


New Member
Thank you all for your thoughts and advice. I managed to get some info this morning.
I just got off the phone with the prison social worker and difficult child really did do something stupid. It seems that he bragged to a fellow inmate that he could escape and then proceeded to take two screws out of a vent cover using the cross on his rosary that the salvation army gave him. :hammer: He is not allowed to have visitors for 30 days. :frown: I told SW that this is what difficult child has always done since he was a toddler. He escapes and runs away. I told him that we had to put up all kinds of surveillance and security equipment on our home and yard to keep difficult child inside and safe. :wildone:

I asked what this does to his chance of probation and SW said he didn't know but he felt that if I could come up with a good plan they might go for it simply because they don't know what to do with him. ( Welcome to my world for the last twenty years!) He said that they have moved difficult child all over the prison. He doesn't fit in anywhere and he isn't adjusting and he just cannot make good decisions. :smile: I told him I didn't want to waste my time putting together a plan for treatment if there was no way PO was going to consider it. He told me that PO doesn't even see the prison record until the day of the hearing and to talk to the PO and see if she is willing to share her thoughts on this. So now I am bracing myself for her ten minutes of abuse before she settles down and talks nice. UG!

Ant's mom thanks for the info. Advice from others who have been there done that is so very valuable to me. I know that PD won't help i already called them when difficult child made the suicide gesture. I don't know what I am going to do as far as petitioning the judge but I have bookmarked the site. -RM


New Member
No good advice for you. Just sending you some hugs and hopeing you get some answers and some peace back in your life soon.


Active Member
ant's PO in the other county was a true PITA and was always angry, blaming me, a hateful person. ugh.
I hated having to call her. thing is, the inmates have no way in a lot of cases to contact people. they can write to their PO's but it seems they get no replies. when ant was in jail, he wrote to everyone, still no results til I had to step in more.


Well-Known Member
Sending some supportive hugs and prayers your way...along with just a little bit of free advice. Don't make calls or
take any action until you have chilled out AND your husband is
in agreement with your plan. When you make the call you have to be able to seem in control and united.

I have not dealt with prison but I have dealt with a bunch
of PO's and they do not respond well to emotional telephone
calls that are open-ended. Also, if the PO is a female, it
might be advantageous to have husband make the call sharing the
plan the two of you have together.

Good luck. DDD


New Member
I procrastinated and the PO called me! :smile: She was very nice too! :wildone:
Anyway she got in touch with MH and they said that difficult child would quilify for one of their group homes. She said that they needed some info from me and then they would send an intake person over to prison to interview difficult child. She said there would probably be a wait list so she was not going to recommend parole at this time. She said her decision was partly because of that and partly because difficult child has 3 diciplinary actions this month alone. :hammer:

I asked her if I could have a new evaluation done on difficult child by an expert in autism spectrum disorders when he got out to see if he is AS. She said she didn't see any reason why not. She also said that she had concerns about the group home placement because it isn't secure and difficult child could walk away. She is afraid he wn't buy into it because he is going to be higher functioning than many there. I told her I was looking into other living situations specifically for AS and had sent out a couple of inquiries. I asked that if I find another better program for difficult child if she would go along with it. She said yes. After I hung up with PO I called MH and faxed them difficult child's last psychological. So I have another couple of months respice. I just hope difficult child is onboard and stays out of trouble long enough to get a qick placement. PO did warn me that the judge might go against her recommendations and release difficult child anyway but she was doubtful that will happen. -RM