difficult child with-ODD ~ Continued problems with-Homework

[wakeupcall]

Hi Patty

I'm a pro at ODD and homework. Our homework ordeals were exactly like yours. The teachers, aids, counselors, admin, etc, have absolutely no clue how horrible this situation makes home life. My difficult child canNOT do homework. By the time he gets home from school he is ALL done with school work for the day. We went through He// for years in elementary. FINALLY I called the lead psychologist with the school district. She said, "In his IEP he will NOT be given homework. Period. The child has to have somewhere to go that is not a battleground and that's home." It was immediately written into his IEP and he's not had homework since. I DO try to get him to practice his trumpet for band, or he won't stay caught up, and I insist that he read for twenty minutes every day. That's it. Life is not all about school. These children are people, very special people and not like every other child. So?? At home we have enough battles about normal living and when homework was added into it...well, it was like a war zone. He wasn't learning a thing anyway after all the bickering and fighting. PLUS it was making him hate his father and I. No thanks, we have enough problems. PLEASE, for your child's sake, ask for and IEP and get something done for her peace and your peace of mind. These children learn differently and they do NOT learn sometimes by the repetition of homework. They just can't focus for one more minute after that bell rings and it's unfair for any of us to force what they can't do.

This is very difficult. Everyone will think you're trying to get her off work. The answer is NO, you're trying to preserve your relationship. Your relationship is more important than homework!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I bet her grades will improve if she knows that you will not be breathing down her neck to do homework if she will try really hard during the school day.

Good luck!!

 

[Kjs]

Been there. difficult child struggled..no, WE struggled to get him to do homework. The argument/meltdown was longer than the actual assignment. He started telling me
"I don't know how, so I'll get help tomorrow". One day when he told me that I had a friend over, he looked at his book and said, "wow - I don't know how to do that". difficult child piped up and said, "I'll show you!" And he did.

We struggled with this through middle school. Fighting, arguing about homework. Then finding out he hasn't turned anything in. Even when he DID do it. Other times he never even bothered. Assignment notebook has been blank for years. Notebooks have been blank for years. One good counselor friend told me to pick my battles. He is NOT going to take notes. HIS problem.

Well, this is his first year of High School. We sent him to a small High School. Technical school and is very tough. He is taking a learning stratagies class, which teaches him how to organize (helps him), also helps him take notes. Also gives him a chance to start homework. He has 4 90 minute classes.

This year - AS a FRESHMAN - he is doing work. I have never ever seen him try and care so much about his grade. He spends about 4 hours a night doing work. I feel so bad because it is so hard. I read through a chapter to help him study. I spent hours and hours reading this and have absolutely NO idea what it was about. This was his honors biotech. I usually expect A's, but he was estatic with a C on that chapter test. It was totally insane.

This is the first year he actually did work without a fight. We DO fight, but it is me. I am constantly on him every minute. I need to back off and allow him some "me" time without thinking about school. I hope I am not jynxing things here. Good Luck.