difficult children in charge of us

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by JJJ, Jun 14, 2011.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Just a scary reminder, if you and husband are in a car accident and end up in a coma in the hospital. Your adult-difficult children are your next of kin and will be asked to make decisions regarding your care.

  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    OHHHH why did you have to remind us...?????
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Holy dnr batman!!!!!!!
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I've been thinking a lot about this, ever since my BFF had a stroke and was unable to make her own health care decisions. After extended fuss, her husband was finally named instead of her mom.

    Before my surgery, I filled out an Advanced Health Care Directive, giving Hubby the power to make decisions for me. Told Miss KT I didn't want to put all that on her at her age.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This all came to our minds when I got sick with the meningitis. With Tony out of town, Billy and Cory were the only two here and I was completely out of it. Billy and Cory had to make all the immediate decisions. And there were some really huge ones. Really legally, Tony wasnt able to make decisions for me but no one at our local hospital realized it. Also at all times one of my adult kids was there so no big deal...well, I guess maybe not at all times because Im sure there were times that he was alone at the hospital with me and he made the final decisions for me. As he should.

    After all this happened, I did sit down with my kids and talk to them and we had an agreement on what should happen if something happened like that again to either of us. I do trust all of them. They showed their mettle. Cory is the only one who worries me. He doesnt want to pull the plug. I think he would have a very hard time with letting either of us go but I have a feeling he is going to go before either of us so that may not be an issue.
  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Medical POA, Triple J. I have one in place & will keep it in place. There is no way kt & wm will be allowed to make those types of decisions for me given their issues.
  7. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Thank goodness the kids are under 18... And legally, not my NOK anyway.

    husband and I are working on wills, POA, living wills, and so on.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It is an important thing to consider. My mother arranged for a dear, close friend who was in a support group with her for many years to be her POA in that situation. She didn't feel that my father would be able to do what she wanted and she didn't want that dynamic between gfgbro and I. He is the executor of their wills, which I don't care about and don't want in any way, shape or form, largely because hei s so Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) organized and I am the exact opposite. But I CAN follow her wishes and he flat out has said he will not ever. It has been almost three years since her friend died and I finally told her that if and when she was ready to address this that I CAN and WILL do whatever she outlines and keep the spirit of what she wants in mind as I make decisions.

    Part of me thinks it might be a blessing to be in that position because after the will was done it owuld mean gfgbro never would speak to me again. No downside in that, in my opinion. Harsh as it sounds, y'all know why i say it.

    As for me, well, I have to rely on my kids. I don't know if Wiz could tell the docs what I want, but Jess can and would. But I have it all in writing so hopefully it isn't an issue.

    It is a scary thought when you have difficult children though.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think it is scarier when they are younger. When mine were little I could have never believed mine would have stepped up like they did. They did. Of course, none of mine were violent towards me or ever threatened to harm me. I guess maybe I am lucky in that I have 3 that I have different areas that I can place needs on...such as Billy is so trustworthy that he would manage my finances well. Jamie would keep an eye out over my physical safety and all that that entails and make sure I was housed appropriately. Cory would be there to make sure I was always emotionally taken care of and fed and felt loved. He has the strongest emotional bond to me I think.
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I have already signed Advance Medical Directives. First person to make decisions on my behalf is H, followed by easy child, then difficult child. easy child signed her AMD and I am first, followed by difficult child, and difficult child has me first then easy child. H won't do it.

    I trust either easy child or difficult child to follow through on my wishes as we've discussed several times over. DNR - and I trust that neither of them will have trouble with this. In fact, I was thinking about it the other night, after an evening caring for my mom, and realized that out of the two girls, I would be able to rely on easy child to make sure all services and finances are in order, but it would difficult child who would do the personal care stuff. easy child is squirelly, difficult child can do it. She even changed my mom's diaper once, cleaned her all up and put her in her nightie - not an easy feat!!!
  11. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    We were advised to specifically include in our POAs that Kanga is not to have any decision making power and to attach several documents of "proof" of her mental illness so that if she tried to fight it that our selected person would have what they need to block her.