difficult child's referral

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, May 20, 2007.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    As stated in a post in watercooler on "to snitch or not to snitch". I posted what happened to difficult child being pushed into a closet. Teachers fill out a referral form, which also gives the child a place for comments. This teacher (difficult child's worst) was out of referral forms so wrote him up on a peice of paper. difficult child had his comments on that paper. When I got to school, VP explained what happened, was quite happy with the way difficult child handled himself and he honestly believed that difficult child and other boy were pushed into the closet.
    Well Referral came in the mail Saturday. States "difficult child was found in the teacher's closet without permission. When confronted, difficult child stated that English is a throw away class and that they don't do anything in that class, then he left the classroom without permission?

    Now..this referral that came in the maile was on a referral form. Meaning it was copied onto a form. The place for student explanation is blank...didn't copy his explanation down. When I asked difficult child what the heck this meant.."throwaway class". He didn't know. Said earlier a sub for the first part of class wanted them to do things and he said "they don't have to do them all, teacher doesn't make them do all of them" That was in the first part of class with a different teacher (sub) this day. The closet portion, yes they were their, pushed in. But said they were never confronted, teacher came into the room as they were getting out of the closet and started yelling at them, pushed the button for an escort, and he and the other boy just left for the office. They were never ASKed why they were in there, no confrontation except yelling, and they didn't wait for the escort, just went to the office.
    So..now I am steaming mad. Is this what they do with other referrals? Just make up new ones and leave his explanation off? I haven't seen others. I spent a good 30 minutes or more speaking to VP about this when I picked him up. He NEVER mentioned anything else. This will be brought up at meeting on Monday.
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Definitely bring it up at the meeting, and ask for copies of ALL past and future referrals. Keep your own file. Scan them onto your computer. get these ASAp after each incident, to reduce the chances of them being rewritten more creatively.

    I would be asking how many times this has happened before, and what they are going to do about this teacher who seems determined to lie about difficult child - and why.

    I don't blame you for being angry. I would be too.

  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I wouldn't be happy either, ask where the original referral is with difficult child's comments/reply.

  4. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #663366"> have difficult child write & sign his version of what happened & take that to the meeting with-you.

    it's not smart to accuse the teacher of lying about your son ~~~ even if she it. this will only cause more problems.

    when does the school year end & is there a chance he may have this teacher again next year? if he might get her next year i'd be very specific that this is not to happen.

    </span> </span> </span>
  5. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I plan on asking her if she could explain the referral. Then, if she talks (last time I asked her something she just stared at me and didn't say a word), If she explains what she meant by it, I will ask VP why he didn't mention this portion of the referral to me. I am going to ask where difficult child's written explanation is and if I can see it. I am going to ask her straight out if this was said when she confronted difficult child regarding the closet. I will let her explain, and I will let her have her say. Then it is my turn. This teacher has seperated difficult child the entire year. There is not a chance difficult child will have her next year. And hopefully the person from SD will be there. He said he has a meeting but will come if he can. I don't count on it. I understand many situations if because of difficult child's behavior. But more so than not, that behavior is caused from situations such as this. More of a reaction that esculates.

    Did anyone ask their difficult child's if they would snitch or not? From the people I asked, they all said they would choose the consequence. easy child told me he would tell in a heartbeat. easy child said difficult child spends to much time worrying about what others think about him. Time to think about himself. Not sure at this age that is a popular choice. Most wouldn't snitch. If he told me the name, I would tell and he knows that, so he will not tell me.
  6. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Kris, you said, "it's not smart to accuse the teacher of lying about your son ~~~ even if she it. this will only cause more problems."

    This is true. I always believe in giving them plenty of rope, rather than risk hanging myself with it. While I may believe that this teacher wrote her own very negative version once she got hold of the correct forms, it is also possible that someone else wrote it up (VP? office secretary?) based on what they understood, from gossip. It happens. All you can do is make it clear that what has been written up contradicts the earlier version which you were shown as truth, and which difficult child did have a chance to include his own comments. This later version contradicts the earlier one, so whether deliberate or not, error has crept in and therefore this may not be an isolated incident.

    In court, witnesses who get it wrong are not necessarily lying. But an innocent person can still be found guilty, based on incorrect testimony.

    If you insist, for future reference, on getting hard copy of these reports within 24 hours or less of these incidents, or you will not give them credence, they may be more careful to not be so flexible with the truth.

    As for whether kids would choose snitch or consequences - it depends on the teacher, but an unpopular teacher is far less likely to get told about anything.
    I remember a nasty incident in my final year of school - some kids were making stink bombs (H2S) in the science lab and a teacher stormed in, caught them at it and threw the half-reacted sulfuric acid out the window. It hit a classmate of ours in the face and neck and he had to be rushed to hospital, badly burned.
    The headmaster came round yelling at us all, screaming at us to confess as to which STUDENT threw the acid out the window. We all stuck together and said nothing - it hadn't been a student, it had been that teacher. It had not been any of us and we felt it was that teacher's responsibility to confess, and not ours to dob him in. He was not well-liked by us, but in some ways that made it even harder for us to say anything, we didn't want him to think we had dobbed on him out of dislike. Our main reason - for us to say anything, would remove the prerogative from that teacher to do the right thing. We were threatened pretty badly, he threatened to withhold our diplomas, our references - anything he could, to break us.
    Some hours later, the teacher confessed. The principal backed down but was still angry that he'd got so angry with us when it wasn't our fault. But he took that anger out on us because if we HAD told him that it was a teacher, he wouldn't have embarrassed himself so much by assuming we were guilty, in such a public manner.

    The teacher got reprimanded I think. Nothing more. We got our diplomas and references, grudgingly. The student who was burned was still getting skin grafts a year later, when I met him at uni and saw him still wearing gauze over his acid burns. He had agreed with us, to not snitch, but like us was very grateful when the teacher confessed.
    The students who had been fooling around (safely) with the acid - I don't think the teacher snitched on them but once the teacher confessed, they then went to the principal, with the science master backing them up because they actually HAD been following safe procedures even if they hadn't had authority.

    There definitely is a Code.