I hought this might interest some because it has helped me understand, though not change, my difficult son. Years ago, I listened to Pia Mellody, one of the earliest people of the codependency field, talk about the difference between the two. Disempowering abuse includes things like physical, verbal, and sexual abuse of children, as well as neglect - all of which take power away from children and harm them either psychologically and/or physically. Empowering abuse is when parents fail to set limits on their children's behavior, so that they don't learn self-control or to make amends when they misbehave. She is NOT advocating physical punishment, but rather that they need to learn and take responsibility for when their behavior is out of line and hurts themselves or others. My ex (now deceased) undermined me when I tried to set boundaries with my son. If I grounded him, he told my son he didn't have to listen to me and picked him up from school, so he could avoid a time out. On visitation, he allowed him not to do homework, to watch anything, whether appropriate or not. To stay home from school, and on and on. Essentially, he taught my son that he didn't have to follow rules like everyone else does. This is false entitlement and is the way to grow a narcissist, and in my son's case, a malignant one. The most difficult thing for me is that narcissists don't see themselves or their harmful behavior because they have been raised to believe they have a right to act the way they do, but they are quick to point their finger at everyone as as the offenders.