Unfortunately, rewards and consequences work with daughter only in a limited way. Rewards are more effective than consequences, but the results seem to be short lived. That does not stop me from imposing logical consequences, though, because the real world does not say "OH! You're a difficult child? Ok. We'll accomodate you.". Nope.
What seems to work best - reward wise - is plain old positive reinforcement. My difficult child is a people-pleaser which makes this part a bit easier. I constantly and consistently give her verbal - and sometimes written - reinforcement when she does something positive. I rarely (but sometimes do) comment on "expected" things like "You're home for your curfew!" but I do pay attention to her positive acts. Recently, I attended the funeral service for a freind's father in law. daughter decided to go (it was at 10:30 a.m.!). When we got home, I thanked her and also mentioned that my friend was deeply touched. These things do stick with them. I honestly believe that.
As to consequences - yikes. For the most part she really does not care. She overdrew her checking account - four times. It was a joint account with-me, taken out when she was 17. First time, bank does not impose fee. I tell her she's lucky. If she does it again, she pays. She does it again. Bank imopses $35. She pays. I create an excel workbook that makes balancing very easy and e-maijl it to her. She does it AGAIN. I point out that she is now $70 poorer not counting the overdraft amount. Bank imposes fee, she pays. I tell her "If you do it again, I will close the account." She does and I do. In the meantime, she has turned 18. She is very upset because she cannot access an iTunes gift certificate at Christmas because she no longer has an ATM card. She asks to use my credit card and I remind her that, on three occassions, she charged iTunes to that card when told specifally not to. I tell her she's 18 and can open an account on her own. I advance her $50 from her savings (yes, I still have control of this - for good reason). She promises not to touch the $50 used to open the account and to pay back her savings. She does not pay back the savings and overdraws again. I refuse to help. By now, the bank has changed hands and they - treating this as a first account - do not level a fee. They tell her, however, it will be $3 per day every day she has a neg balance. She wracks up $100 in fees before DEX bails her out. As far as I know, she hasn't overdrawn again, but she does have a job now. She also has not paid back DEX. I won't be helping her again.
It's really hard with rewards/consequences with a difficult child. We just have to find a mix that works with our individual kids.
Dash
