Do over

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by JJJ, Mar 15, 2011.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I have been having this recurring dream that I go to sleep one night and when I wake up, I am 14 again. It is very vivid, I 'feel' like I am there--the day of my graduation from 8th grade. I have all my memories from the 30 years since then but I get a chance to do my life over, taking a different path.

    I wish.
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    While there are things I would probably change, I wouldn't want to go through the last 24 years again.

    Too much "stuff" happened from the time I was 16 on. So... I'm actually glad I don't really have the choice.
  3. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Sometimes I think it would be wonderful to be able to do that! Then when I think a little more, I'm not so sure. It would almost be like a scene out of "It's a Wonderful Life". Good ol' common sense would tell me that if I had it all to do over again I should have finished college and that I should NOT have gotten married to either one of my now ex's. The first one was awful and painful but I learned from it and now, many years later, we occasionally talk on the phone as friends. The only good thing I can say about the second one is that, by comparison, he made the first one look good! But if I had never married the second one, I would not have had my kids, or they would be different kids, if that makes any sense. And in hindsight, I should have divorced him much sooner, but then my son would never have been born. Everything in our past has made us into the person that we are today. But there are many things, mostly work related, that I would have done differently "if I knew then what I know now".
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I wonder about this myself sometimes. Hubby and I went to high school together; we were friends, but never went out, because he was too shy to ask me! The last thirty years would have been so different had we gotten married right out of high school instead of him just happening to remember my vanity license plate, and leaving a note on my car eleven years ago.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    While it would be nice to be younger again.........oh heaven's NOT the teen years though!.........There isn't much I'd really like to change.
  6. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I'd change so much. I think I am at a crossroads in my life. I know I have some big decisions in front of me. I know I cannot go back to my 14 year old self and relive my life making different choices. I do have to decide what I am going to do with my life for the next 30ish years so when I hit 75, I have less regrets and sorrow.

    I think my biggest regret is that I wasn't brave enough to go after what I really wanted in case I failed. Will I find the courage this time?????
  7. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    JJJ - if I can do it, so can you. I'm a rather huge fraidy cat. And I'm going again...
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Maybe that's why I can say that while I wouldn't mind being young again there isn't really anything I'd go back and change. I've lived far far from a perfect life (trust me) but I've found that usually even some of the stupidest things I've managed to get myself into turns out to be good later down the road.

    Up until last year I had only 1 regret. That I hadn't finished nursing school back in my own difficult child days. Even though I'd always taken to medicine like a duck to water and it came easily......I always wondered if I really could have graduated and had a career in nursing if I'd just not been stupid enough to walk away a few weeks before graduation.

    A few years back I made it part of my bucket list to find out. When I did that it didn't really even matter if I ever worked in it as a career or not. It was the proving to myself I could do it, I could graduate. Then I started working on it. Took me 4 yrs (got to love those pre-reqs lol) but I graduated in august of last year, with honors. There is something far different about approaching a dream as an adult versus as a young person..... Was I scared to fail? OMG if you ever read my posts on here, there is not doubt about that. lol But the determination and commitment level is different as an this stage in our lives. If I failed, I could have accepted it gracefully. Because I tried, and I knew I worked my fanny off in the process. No shame in failing when you've done the best you can do. Only shame in the never trying at all and being miserable.

    I'm still working on passing the state exam. Life and illness have gotten in the way. But I will take it and I will do my utter best to pass it. Even with passing it? I don't know if I can physically do the job. Is that part important? Well the money would be nice, but not really, no.

    The thought of going back to school after 25 yrs was terrifying. But it wasn't so bad once I took that first big step.

  9. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member


    You are just the person I need!!! I want to go to law school. Huge problem of how to pay for it and to be sure that I can dedicate the necessary time to it (and balance all the kids needs and maintain my own mental health).

    I am sort of vaguely looking into the options. I think I need to FOCUS and find out exactly what is possible -how much it will cost-and how long it will take. Of course, we have too many lawyers in the US already so add in the concern of finding enough clients to pay the bills. I'd like to specialize in juvenile and family law -- help families of difficult children get help from the system.

    My other option is to refresh my teaching credentials and go back to teaching. Also fun, but I think I need to give a strong look at law school first.
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hubby and I both returned to school in our later years lol. I went back for my credential about 15 years ago, and Hubby went back 11 years ago for his AS, and just finished a 14-month Network Technician course.

    My vote is...if you want to go to law school, go to law school. If you decide not to open your own office, you can always teach law classes at the community college level. Ours has a paralegal program, in addition to business law classes. I would think that someone experienced in the world of difficult child, with a law degree, would be in great demand teaching sociology classes, too.
  11. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    JJJ- My only semi-regret is that I didn't go away to college on a scholarship because my father was sick and I didn't want to leave him alone. But, really, it would have been out of character for me to go. I didn't get to study at a fairly prestigious state college in their well rated music program.... but I did go to community college and get an associates degree in music and business. That led me to a pretty lucrative career in retail management. I may have never met husband and never had my Duckie... so everything worked out well. But, one thing I'll always remember was when my grandparents were upset and arguing with me about studying music because they were concerned I couldn't make a living. My father said "Well, someone's going to work in music, why not her?"

    JJJ- Someone is going to go back to school and study law liked they've dreamed about their entire adult life. Why not you?
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I often do the what if game. I always think I have more than a passing right to because I was such an idiot with my youth. If I had only made the right decisions instead of all the completely wrong ones...where oh where could I have ended up?

    Well...that is an iffy game. I certainly wouldnt have the kids I have today. I for sure wouldnt have met Tony because I would have never moved to Myrtle Beach with my mom. I would have been at some fancy college. Then I would have married later after a career doing who knows what but then I may have met a man who may not have accepted me when my disorders and disabilities eventually showed up. Im sure they would have eventually. You cant stop nature. So maybe I would have ended up in my late 30's with a man who would have left me high and dry to suffer alone...or with kids to raise alone...while I was sick. Then there would have been just me to take on my mom too while I was sick.

    Maybe my life wouldnt have been so great even if I had gone another way. Maybe I would have had it easier in some ways...financially maybe...but maybe not in finding someone who loved me from hello. Who would stick with me through hell and high water. I kind of think maybe fate had a hand in my life. Maybe I just shouldnt play the what if game.