Dont even know where to start

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Mummy, Mar 26, 2013.

  1. Mummy

    Mummy New Member

    my daughter has always been alittle on the spirited side shall we say however in the last couple of months things really have got out of hand, everytime I put her to bed she hits kicks bites pinches me all over for instance I tried putting her to bed the other night which we recorded on camera and as soon as the lights went off (again we have always done this and it hasn't been a problem ) that was it she was going for me I have tried everything I can think off I tried the sitting away from me on my lap noooooooooo way that made it 10 times worse, Ive tried walking away and telling her that it is not ok to hit mummy she chased me, Ive tried the timeout step same thing happens. Finally I have sought help from a therapist who we don't see for another couple of weeks. Im just having trouble with other family members understanding( the inlaws) they refuse to believe that its happening and think that by seeking help from a therapist that we want to put a label on her, which isn't the case we need parental guidance.
  2. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    Hi there,

    How old is she?
    First of all, seeking help is never a bad idea! It actually is a very good skill for yourself and one to teach your children.
    Is there anything else going on? Or just the bedtime issue?
    Since you only mention bedtime, I will assume it is the only issue. In this case, I would not worry too much about anything big going on. It does not make it easier for you to deal with, but probably just a phase, some anxiety related to night time which is pretty common in kids of various ages.
    The therapist might come up with some creative idea about helping her deal with this anxiety. I have had to deal with this same issue with all my 3 kids. Consistency is the key no matter their age.
    If you give us a few more details, it might be easier to give suggestions.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    What were her early years like (infancy?)

    Is she going to be evaluated?

    There is nothing wrong with a correct label if it gets you help and plenty wrong with just waiting and hoping.

    Where do you live? All countries approach mental health in different ways. Maybe somebody here lives where you do and can help better.
  4. Mummy

    Mummy New Member

    Hiya guys we live in the UK and it has been rather frowned upon to seek help however I am American born and don't believe there is a problem in seeking help. My daughter has had issue for the last couple of years on and off we have co slept with her from day one and hadn't had a problem with it as I say till a couple of months ago her daytime tantrums seem to be off the charts when they happen which is at least a few times a day. I have talked to my local health vistor about it and she just kept fobbing me off with it's all normal, when said trantrums happen( which is whenever she doesn't get her own way) she wets herself hits kicks bits throw whatever comes to hand at me, I have tried what I feel is everything I can to try and calm her down but so far nothing works. The odd issue to me is she is generally fine in public going shopping etc... the odd sulk when she cant have choc or something but nothing like it is at home, but as soon as we get in the door that's it shes off and trying to control every situation shouting and screaming and it is only at me. My husband has stepped up to the plate and is putting her to bed at night and not having any problems( a few but nothing major), but as soon as I try it she attacks. Im sure the therapist will be able to help(she thinks its separation anxiety ) ,but Im sure glad I found this website I felt like I was completely alone
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Kids who feel a need to control their environment often are fearful and need sameness and to feel in control of something. Are you s ure you can't get her evaluated? I doubt that normal parenting methods will work for her.
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Is she ever away from you? I'd there any chance she is being abused by anyone? Don't ask her without professional help to know how to do it without leading her on. Could be way off base, but if this is a dramatic change, and she has no other issues...even when younger......well, I was just wondering.
  7. Mummy

    Mummy New Member

    Thanks for the reply's everyone daughter is pretty much always with one of us except on a Monday when she attends nursery while I go to work I work mostly evenings (chef's life). and no she isn't being abused( we have put her in the time out chair and yes shouted) my husband is the only other person looking after her and sometimes in the once in a blue moon we get to go out she is with her grandparents all of whom I completely trust. We are hoping for the evaluation by the psychotherapist, or first meeting is just with me and my husband. Last night was the same my husband was going out and I said please stay as he is the only one who can stop her from hitting me( literally he just has to come in the room he doesn't even have to speak and she stops) however he went out needless to say everything was normal storytime etc... and when I said that it was time for sleepy's that was it she started again and with no husband there to help it went on for a couple of hours I tried counting to calm her down which sometimes calmed her down but as soon as we had finished counting she was off again, its really the amount of rage and anger that worries me and I m desperately hoping we can find some answers or support to help us help her, but the therapist is on holiday and we haven't got an appointment till the 18th so I talked to my husband after his night out and he has agreed to put daughter to bed himself as it causes her and me a great deal of upset and a heck of a lot of tears (mostly on my part) xxoo