Don't Know Where To Begin

[Georgiamomma]

This is my first post. So please forgive me if I am not doing things right. I am so glad that I have found this web site. I have no idea where to begin to find help for my difficult child. Nobody seems to want to help me and I am usually very resourceful but am stuck. We are not Americans so I am still trying to figure out the systems. My difficult child's psychiatrist says that difficult child should no longer be in our home but I don't know where to put him. Hospitals say they won't take him. Any residential facility I can find costs too much and is not covered by insurance. I can't go through the courts because we still have visas (legal mumbo jumbo. Foster care won't take him because he is not being abused. But the rest of the family is being abused. Last night it got so bad that I had to restrain him for 2 hours because he was so out of control. I have had bruises, his siblings have been attacked, he throws things, etc. My other difficult child is not usually aggressive until the first one starts hurting me then it is like world war 3 in my house. I feel like my kids are living in an abusive home but the abuser is their brother. I need to get him out but don't know where to put him. I feel so bad for wanting him out but I need to do what is best for him and my other 3 kids. He is on medications, seeing a therapist weekly and a psychiatrist monthly. I can be a great advocate and very pushy but I don't know where to push. Anyone have any advice as to tests/treatments I should insist on? Where I can take him and force them to help. Is this how most people feel?

Debbie

 

[smallworld]

Welcome!

Is your difficult child on any medications? If so, what and have they made things better or worse?

What kind of doctor diagnosed him?

 

[KateM]

Does the agency you adopted difficult child from have any follow up services you could utilize?

Welcome! I'm sorry you are having so much trouble with your son right now!

 

[busywend]

Has anyone researched Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) for your difficult child? Conduct Disorder is usually reserved for an older child - late teens.

Have you read The Chandler Papers yet?

http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/the-chandler-papers.5/

 

[Georgiamomma]

Wow! All this response so quick!
small world -He was diagnosed by a psychiatrist (not a pediatric one though). medications -- Depakote, Ritalin, Concerta, Seroquel. I notice a difference in the morning before they kick in or as they are wearing off -- so I think they must be working somewhat. When he gets angry, he is showing physical signs such as shaking, clenching of fists, etc. I would think he may need something for anxiety.

KateM-- He was adopted in Canada so they can't help us for legal reasons

busywend- I am sorry I don't know what Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is or what the Chandler Papers are. Can you please tell me.

I was thinking of trying to have him admitted to the psychiatric hospital for evaluation. Do you think someone would do that for me? I could never get him there in a fit of rage because he is too charming and would enter the hospital nice and peaceful; but maybe we need more evaluation.

 

[smallworld]

A couple thoughts:

You should absolutely have him evaluated by pediatric medical professionals (children are not little adults). A neuropsychologist, found at a university or children's hospital, might be your best bet.

Concerta and Ritalin can exacerbate pre-existing anxiety and increase agression, especially in a child with bipolar disorder. What are his doses for his medications?

 

[SnowAngel]

Welcome. Out here in Arizona if a child is abusing others in the home CPS can remove the child for the safety of the others. We have a hospital that takes in psychiatric observations no matter what insurance you have. If you have him observed ask to speak with the hospitals social worker, they usually have resources for families dealing with restricted situations.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I am sorry I don't have much advice to offer. There are a bunch of wise moms on here that will come along. Hang in there.

 

[Hound dog]

You've already gotten some good advice.

But I wanted to add my warm Welcome to the Board. :smile:

Hugs

 

[Georgiamomma]

smallworld--Depakote-500mg, Seroquel-50mg,Ritalin-20mg, Concerta 54mg.

Any ideas to handle him when he flies off the handle tonight?

 

[meowbunny]

Hi and welcome. I think you can find info on the Chandler Papers in the FAQs. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is reactive attachment disorder and it is, to put it mildly, ugly! Basically, it means a person cannot truly attach to another. Sometimes you get lucky with intensive therapy and some attachment forms. Another thing to consider is Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) and Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) (foetal alcohol sydrome and effect). Both of these are organic.

Social services will do their best to help as little as possible. A child in a good home is of low priority. You may have to go to court and file a CHINS (child in need of services). The odds are that if social services does get involved they will insist you relinquish all parental rights but still force you to pay for foster care, etc. It is not a kind system.

Do try to get a neuropsychiatric evaluation. It will help a lot in getting any services. Even though you are in the US, it seems as if Canada should be able to provide some help (check with social services here and see if they have any suggestions to go this route), especially if you can prove something neurological or organic.

I'm sorry you are going through this. It is so hard to have such battles and see no way out.

 

[SnowAngel]

I usually have to clear everyone out of the room and sit and hold peanut until he calms down. Unfortunately this is what makes many of us want to pull our hair out. You have to try different things and see what works for him. Mine used to go in a room by himself, but that no longer works.

My other son takes a warm shower. My older son goes for a walk. I do understand, I get told everyday that I am a jerk and should die. Last week peanut threatened to burn down the house with grandma in it. Two of my boys are bruised from him and I can't recall how many things he has damaged or broken.

It is so hard to accept that these young kids who have the world at their feet can hold so much anger. It is truly heartbreaking.

 

[Hound dog]

If difficult child becomes physically aggressive it isn't necessary to take his abuse. Call the police. Or if you have someone to help you, run him straight to the ER.

Hugs