Dumb argument.....hate this stuff

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by timer lady, Jan 25, 2008.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    And it wasn't even an argument - more of an "I'm disappointed in you - you gave in too soon!" kind of thing. I felt like I'd been scolded for doing something that comes to me naturally now - wander the house, research, sketch or draw, if I cannot sleep - in other words, keep myself quietly busy so I don't lose my mind.:crazy2:

    husband & I have spent a great deal of time & effort making our bedroom somewhere I can sleep again. We found a device that essentially turns my side of the bed into a recliner of sorts.

    husband went out & bought a small television with cable hook up so I could rest in our bedroom during the day instead of in the midst of the living room. I appreciated the thought that went into this & the luxury of privacy.

    Tonight sleep was not going to happen. Just wasn't. So I got up & husband followed ranting & raving about all that has gone into the bedroom & yet I'm up roaming the house again. (I could be pacing the bedroom)

    When husband is well rested (& reasonable) he knows that with the prednisone :highvoltage:on board, all the lunesta & methadone in the world will not allow me to sleep & the next day will be a loss.

    Thanks for letting me rant - it's been a long week. Even though I have PT scheduled for later this morning I'll be rescheduling; given the lack of sleep I choose not to drive today. :crazydriver:

    kt leaves for respites at 3 pm & maybe husband can just talk; or maybe ha can't. He just has the look of a deer caught in headlights again - makes me edgy.:scared:
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful



    husband is just worried about you and trying to take care of you. Awful sweet of him to fix up the bedroom. But like you said, some nights that's just not going to be enough. Not your fault, not his fault. Just a fact.

    In a few mins my husband is going to be downstairs huffing and puffing because it's 3:40 am and I'm yet again not in bed. He's worried about my sleep. But yet I can't seem to make him understand that if I were in bed or in the room I'd just be keeping him up too. And he has to get up at 4 am to go to work.

    And here he comes......lol


  3. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Jeeez, there actually are others who get up as early as I do!!?? I've never been much of a sleeper and when I do, it's very light. They say your brain rejuvenates itself while you sleep? No wonder I'm so dumb!

    husband (for whatever reason) gets up at 4:00 AM (but he's awake at 3:00 tossing and turning and waking me) and walks on the treadmill. Thank goodness I refused to have it in our bedroom. I'd rather it be in the living room with all my lovely furniture (my mother-in-law would have a heart attack at the lack of proper decor). I rest until close to 5:00 before I get up....hoping to keep the rejuvenation going. Yes, I'm tired. The other good side of getting up so early, I can actually have a little peace with my coffee and have a decent conversation with husband....something that is impossible when difficult child gets up. Sad, isn't it?

    Linda, I hope you feel better soon. Lack of sleep is so unhealthy as you know.

    Sending you a cyber hug.....
  4. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member

    I'm sure he's very stressed over all of this. He's worried over you.

    I hope you get some sleep, later.
  5. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Chronic illness is hard on the people you care for also. I know you realize that, but I have been in your husbands shoes with my husband. Sounds like you do better than my husband LOL. It is hard to realize that he is only worried about you.
  6. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Sending hugs

  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{{Linda}}} I'm sorry you and H had a stupid argument over something that is what it is. Nothing he can do about it really, I'm sure its frustrating for him to not be able to fix it.

    I hope you're able to talk later and get some sleep.

    I am not a morning person by nature (at all) so I generally wait till I hear H leave in the morning before I exit the bedroom. I've tried going out and be sunny for him (because he IS a morning person, makes me want to punch him), but no matter what I just am not a sunny person in the morning. We've both accepted it and just deal. I know I disappoint him, so I generally try to hide out till he's gone.

    Enjoy your respite~
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I am sorry husband is so upset about it. He is probably really worried about you. If he is receptive, some therapy for the 2 of you would be good. husband and I have had several rounds due to my health issues. Several rounds over 16+ years, not just this surgery.

    It really helps us each see what the other is doing. And helps us reconnect where medical issues have pulled us apart.


  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Linda -

    It's NOT a stupid argument. It's frustration leaving the body of someone who until recently has not had to deal with, or though about how to prepare himself for life with someone disabled.

    When DF went in for back surgery - he was a thin, vibrant, sassy man. I loved those qualities about him so much. He's very intelligent, fun to joke with, kept me going when difficult child wanted to make my days so long. And I felt he was my soul mate. After 34 years - finally a decent man. My counseling paid off.

    When DF came OUT of back surgery - he was whiney, moody, a jerk, no fun to be around at all - everything I despised in a man. He's on so much methadone that our conversations are lacking to the extent that I either started talking to the dog or my lips dried shut from lack of speaking.

    I thought that after a few weeks he'd be better or show some improvement. After a few months I (woman of stone) was sitting on my back porch; he in the bed making ridiculous demands and out of his head on Oxycontin and Tylox - crying a river. I called his sister to ask a medical question and tell her that I now hate her brother. I felt ripped off.

    I just met this guy (relatively speaking) late life relationship and now I had to adjust to this disability. Then the not sleeping because the medications made his nap all day, and the wandering the house, the tv is up so loud because he's now deaf, his weight is morbidly obese - and all in 5 years. He lost his teeth due to the 4th re-surgery to correct the 1st surgery as MRSA was present in the hospital and that ended up sending him back for the 5th surgery and a hole so big in his back I could put my hand in it - they left it like that to drain.

    I remember those "What do you want to be" talks and the VERY LAST, ABSOLUTE WITHOUT a DOUBT thing I EVER< NEVER wanted to be was a nurse. I can't take care of people. I don't have patience. I dont' want to be around sick people, I want to live, get out, have dinner, enjoy life - I want it like it was before the surgery and it pisses me off that I have to ONCE AGAIN in my life "ADJUST".

    But it was either - adjust or leave. I help out 5 years hoping something would get better. And in the mean time - difficult child acted his very worst, the government lost all his SSI paperwork TWICE - they kept him waiting for 5 years for approval on a check that won't put paper products in our house - and my credit after working 3 jobs due to x = went right back in the sewer so we could try to live. Sure we got a small settlement - but nothing to be joyful over - we were broke, sold all our stuff - and were living on mac and cheese.

    And on top of THAT - every day stress, and the most horrible thing - Watching him deteriorate daily - gain weight daily, seem to be more in a fog - daily and most of all his depression - daily.

    No one but him and you know what paid you face each day. NO ONE. You can tell me how bad it hurts - you can show me the bruises, and swelling, you can talk a blue streak about how you can't go to sleep no matter how much dope you do - (although trazadone does help him now) but I STILL can't know what you are going through. I'm only going to know that my love is hurting, and the hurt is now habit and the habit can be annoying - and I have to get up and go to work so If you're going to "wander" go - but then I worry because YOU MAY FALL - you may need me - you may drop something =- and I won't be there. And I've always been there.

    Your hubby - needs to find a way to cope. Whatever it takes - because our house is never going to navigate the same - and I've accepted that most days - but dont' deny me a bad mood here and there because while I feel blessed I feel ripped off on occasion for having to watch him.

    Struggle - it's a household name.

  10. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Linda, my SO has the same problem you do - massive doses of Prednisone and Morphine and he has the worst time trying to fall asleep. He does lay there all night long with auditable sighs here and there thrown in, which really sets my nerves on edge. He comes to work with me and the minute we get home, he has to go to the bedroom and lay down. Me, I can fall asleep on a dime once my head hits the pillow and be asleep mid sentance ,and never hear a thing, but I am a 4 or 5 hour a night sleeper - once I have had my rest I am done layin there. Its absolute torture for me to lay in bed and be wide awake, or even be in the bedroom when its not time for me to go to sleep, and the worst is having the TV on. Shoot, I can't even hardly sit still let alone lay still, so I am up, doing laundry, cleaning house, playing on the computer most of the night till I am tired again, so will go back to bed at the most for an hour or two.

    Its difficult to have two people with entirely different sleep patterns. It helps him a little to listen to music - easy child bought him a pair of head phones as our cable has Sirius music, so he can lay there and listen to country music all night long and I can't hear a thing.

    Plus the 4 dogs are no help to him when he is trying to sleep. Fortunately, they will not go to bed unless I do, so most of the night they are out in the living room with me. But even their sleep patterns are messed up - they know about when I will be getting tired and they definately know when it is time for me to get up. If I don't go to bed when I am supposed to,or get up when I am supposed to, they all start barking..

  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wish I had some great words to offer but all I have tonight is hugs. I'm sorry for the struggle.
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Add in another one who knows about these dumb arguments. We seem to have them with regularity. I am sleeping better right now but I still sleep at different times than husband. He falls asleep at 9 or 9:30..latest is 10 because he normally has to get up for work no later than 4:30 or 5. He works in construction and can have to drive for up to an hour or two each way. My body wants to go to sleep around 1 or 2 and get up around 11 or so though I am normally up earlier.

    husband thinks I am weird and should just change. I also know he worries about me constantly when he is out of town because I tend to fall. If he gets up for work and Im not in the bed he tends to get mad that I havent slept. He knows that means it is going to be a rough day for me.

    Oh...I wanted to recomment a book....Beyond Chaos. It was written by a husband for husbands of women with chronic illnesses.