I have been avoiding my 35 year old daughter most of the week. I have talked on the phone with her and texted with her but have not gone anywhere or done anything with her. She lives fairly close to me and in the past we have done several things together. Even when she is not manic and on her best behavior she is draining because I know the other shoe is going to fall. I have been trying to avoid her then last Friday she came over after I told her I wanted to be alone, she came walking into my home like nothing happened. She was crying and telling me she wanted to make things right. One of her mottos is 'do what you want then apologize later'. I feel pushed into accepting her but in reality she wants to make peace so she can keep using me. I see no end in sight. I hold my chest often because my heart feels like it is shattered. Being around her makes me feel bipolar, I love her deeply, I can't stand her behavior. I screamed this to her yesterday at the top of my lungs. I try to hold my composture but my grief and disgust is overwhelming. My husband got a new demanding job and is tried a lot. He is so disgusted with her he does not even want to talk with her. I don't want to burden him with it anymore. The most excrusiating thing for me to come to grips with is that if she stays manic constantly she becomes a psychopath.. It hurts me to the core to even type that out but in reality it is what it is. I am going into retirement age and I do not want to constantly be having to protect myself from a preditor especially my own daughter. When I was young my grandmother and I had true sisterhood. I felt so wonderful to have someone that loved me that much walking on this life joureny with me, she had my back and I had hers, loving her back and having fun with her. I know what true sisterhood feels like and I keep wanting that with my daughter, searching and trying. I have to realize each relationship is different but oh how wonderful life is when you can feel that real sisterhood. It is a gift a very special gift and I miss it so. My mother and I do not have that special bond. I have tried for years. Mom just pops off and says mean things. I told my mother that I hold the candle for both of us and each time she is mean it blows out the flame. She does not care. I have watch the Youtube videos on the Casey Anthony case from back in 2008. She lies and has been caught many times. I read where she is not diagnoised with any mental illness. Really? Telling gigantic lies on a regular basis in not normal behavior. I guess what really bothered me is that I see so much of Casey's behavior in my own daughter and it really scares me. I watched my daughter face the other day with 'dupers delight' thinking I fell for a lie. Psycopaths use dupers delight a lot thinking they are getting away with their lies and bad dealing and when they think they got away with it they get a devious smile like they are screwing you over again. Ugh. I just can't have it anymore. My eyes are sunken in and I look horrible. If she was not my daughter I would not have anything to do with her. I may have to muster up the strength to blow her off for a while again.