easy child 2 sneaks a straight razor into her bag b4 school

[Shari]

She's 10.

We've had issues with her sneaking things and swiping things for the past couple of years, but nothing like this. She's taken money from us and her mom. Money from difficult child 2. She swipes makeup and cheap, gawdy earrings from us. Its been an on-going thing, not weekly, by any means, but I've been concerned.

Today, her mom called me. Mom works on a packing line. easy child 2 had swiped one of her box cutters (a straight razor blade thing) and put it in her backpack to take to school.

Mom wants easy child to pick her punishment. husband wants to make her come here and do physical labor. I want to call the sheriff and ask a deputy to come talk to her, and possibly take her to tour the jail.

Anybody got any other ideas to throw in the mix?

Let me add that mom refuses to take her to counseling and that easy child 2 has few friends, mostly because she's not a very good friend herself. "Things" are what's important to her, and she wants "things" so she'll be cool and liked (typical kid, I know, but she'll hang out with ANYONE who will tolerate her). She has no friends, but can't wait to have a cell phone, etc, cause the phone will bring the friends.

Thoughts?

 

[TerryJ2]

I'd consider a backback exam every morning b4 school. At that age of 10, whatever excuse she gave you, they don't use straight edges or Xacto blades. Sounds like a group thing to fit in. Have you talked to her about her motives?
If mom refuses to take her counseling, why don't you take her?
They can come up with-strategies and plans. That's what Ilove about it ... when I run out of steam, they have a wealth of ideas.
Wish I could offer more.
Take care.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Shari,

I'm with Terry, backpack exam every morning is a great idea! I don't see where you mentioned if anyone asked her why she took it to school? I believe it would be important for her to realize that she could have been expelled had he school found out she had a "weapon" in her backpack.

Sharon

 

[BusynMember]

I'd take her to a psychiatrist pronto and worry about the punishment later. To me, this is dangerous behavior, disturbed behavior. I would want to make sure she wasn't taking it to school to harm herself or somebody else way before I'd worry about the punishment. I'm not sure she did anything WRONG as much as DISTURBED AND SAD. JMO

 

[Marguerite]

The obsession with possessions is NOT normal, not to this extent. A woman I know (I can't use the term 'friend' any more) is like this; not many friends because she simply isn't on the same wavelength, she's not good at following a conversation. I used to talk to her often over the phone but would find that the conversation would need to flow in her direction, usually talking about issues she could connect with. And unfortunately, she could only connect with possessions, 'things', and issues surrounding money and wealth. When stressed she would go shopping, often buying stuff she didn't need or have much use for. She takes up various hobbies (such as scrapbooking) and stocks up on all the trappings, running her credit card to the max and justifying it because when she sells what she will make, she will get a lot of money. Then she peddles her wares everywhere, getting upset that people aren't interested.

Whenever she buys something, she can always justify it, even if the excuse is incredibly flimsy. Then she will be so short of money that she literally begs. I've had her 'borrow' money from me (I knew I'd never get it back).

I know this woman has problems that go way beyond this symptom. As in a lot of things, a symptom like this is like the tip of the iceberg, something very nasty and dangerous is lurking in the hidden depths. This woman desperately needed help when she was a girl, but from what I can work out her mother wasn't prepared to help her in the way she needed (I think her mother is very similar, always worrying over money and appearances, she wouldn't have wanted people to think her daughter needed a psychiatrist).

Counselling would be a good start. I would get it happening, if you can do this in any way. Even if you can't organise something formally, maybe there is another, informal, way of helping her. Support networks, after-school classes for this or that which force her to mix with other kids and work with them (like difficult child 3's drama class for Special Needs kids).

If the mother refuses to help and you need her approval, then talk to the police informally, see if getting them involved would get difficult child the help she should have. Maybe her mother doesn't want her to see a counsellor, because she's afraid that whoever he daughter sees will identify the mother as a big part of the problem? Whether that's true or not, the fear that it could be true could be the stumbling block.

Marg

 

[BusynMember]

Ok, am I'm being a nerd here? Was the "Razor" a cell phone??? LOL. I"m so out of it I thought it was a razor that you shave with.

 

[wakeupcall]

In my state it would be instant expulsion if caught. What on earth are these children thinking?

 

[DDD]

Get on the same page with Mom OR take an assertive action on your
own to find professional help...it may cause tension among the adults but this child does need help before puberty kicks in.

I don't know about your community but where we live there is a total ZERO tolerance for anything that even has the potential to
be used as a weapon. ZERO. My young difficult child was entered into the Department of Juvenile Justice system and had to be on probation for one full year because
he took the teeney blade from a pocket knife to school. The
Department of Juvenile Justice people said "no case". The school said "it was a manifestation of his disabiity". Someone managed to get it thru
into the system and he ended up with a full year of probation.

Sometimes parents don't agree and a child ends up suffering the
results. My position is that the protection of the child has to
come first and the adults can fight it out later. Good luck.DDD

 

[DammitJanet]

Im with the others on figuring out how to get her help.

Maybe she did take it to show off. Maybe she didnt realize it was a weapon. At 8 Cory took Billy's Boy Scout knife to school for show and tell because he thought it was just the coolest thing next to sliced bread. He didnt even realize it had a knife in it, just the fork, spoon, can opener, all that jazz. The school flipped out. He didnt threaten anyone or anything. He got up for show and tell...lol. His first meeting with Department of Juvenile Justice...sigh.

Thankfully they didnt do anything and realized he was just clueless. They gave him a talking to about knives and what he could take to school.

 

[Shari]

I always check the backpack, but she only goes to school from here once a week. I know the girl wants/needs help, but my hands are tied; her mother has custody and money (if she didn't have the money, we might be able to get custody, but we can't fight at her level) and refuses. (the girl is like her mother, too. Mom has no friends and buys everything in sight, but won't even let her own husband touch "her stuff"). She's dragged the poor girl to 3 general docs and 1 pediatrician developmental specialist because she's not doing well in school, all 4 have told her to get her involved socially, tutoring, and counseling, but she refuses to take her, and yes, Marg, I think mom is afraid she'll be pegged. She blames all of easy child 2's problems on husband leaving, yet its interesting to me that if he caused all the problems, why would she be so hesitant to take her to someone to work them out? I think she knows, but that's irrelevant. I think we're starting to address a problem 3 years after the fact.

This is an auto expulsion if she'd have gotten it to school. I do not think she intended to hurt anyone, but I do think she intended to gain some "cool status" with kids.

Mom didn't tell us about the knife until we had taken easy child 2 back to her house, even tho mom knew it for a couple days before easy child 2 went back, so I don't know yet what her excuse for having it was. I am sure she will lie about it. I have witnessed her doing something and then asked her about it and she will lie repeatedly to avoid being in trouble. She'll even bring in anyone else to take the rap to keep it off her.

I do not like being the go-between for her parents but easy child 2's mom will NOT talk to husband. She immediately starts screaming and he shuts down and doesn't hear anything. And she'll bring easy child 2 into the room to hear it, and uses easy child 2 as a pawn (she threw husband out when they split, then as punishment for not coming back, she kept easy child 2 from him for over nearly a year). If I had my choice, I'd lock them in a room til they could communicate, but not really an option, so I play the middle man to avoid the above happening to easy child 2. If we tick mom off with our actions on our end, mom will avoid telling us this sort of stuff. On the same note, we should have ticked her off 3 years ago when we saw a pattern with her stealing stuff.

 

[witzend]

Ok, am I'm being a nerd here? Was the "Razor" a cell phone??? LOL. I"m so out of it I thought it was a razor that you shave with.

She means a box knife with a razor blade, like the ones the 911 hijackers used.

 

[Shari]

Thank Witz, yes, a box knife, not a cell phone.

But I think she took it for the same reason she takes the other "shiney" things (like the cell phone she wants so bad) - attention which = friends. I don't think she took it to hurt anyone.

 

[witzend]

I think she took it for the same reason she takes the other "shiney" things (like the cell phone she wants so bad) - attention which = friends. I don't think she took it to hurt anyone.

That's the type of attention that kids like ours can do without! At best they get caught and into trouble. At worst their "friends" encourage them to do something stupid with it. Or their friends do something stupid with it and then rat her out for bringing it and/or claim it was her idea.