easy child again

[Jena]

hi

so yesterday i went out to the city, to see an old friend. her and i had a great time, i came home and....

easy child who her and i have been getting along fine, she refused to come home at curfew. i said we can't negotiate curfew times over the phone in text. just come home and we'll work it out for next time.

she responded with no. long story short she suddenly became super defiant and refused to return home. than husband tried to call her and she must of answered phone not meaning to. he heard conversations about fights going on, drinking etc. he said we'd better go look for her i dont' want her getting into car with someone drunk.

so off we went at 2 a.m. to go look for her. we searched everywhere and couldn't find her. we got home and by 3 we called the cops. suddenly she text me out of blue stating there was no way she was returning home when she was already in trouble.

cop said nothing we can do she isn't missing, she text and is ok.

so we've been doing all we can to help her. therapy, medications, me making alone time with and for her and i. we're looking at college, buying her a car by september, i'm heading up to school tmrw for a team mtg at her school because she's failing, waking up late she says due to ssri and not being able to sleep.

so, its after 5 and got one text today very random cursing me out, other than that hasnt' come home. so i decided when she does get in i'm ignoring her. difficult child will be walking in also and doesnt' need the drama.

we're just giving her basics now, we gotta do the tough love thing. she's manipulating me acting as though she's listening to me, we're close etc. than boom she does this. there was no argument it was weird. so no car, no lunch money each day ( i bought food: she can pack lunch), no money on weekend and we'll see about prom if she even graduates. also took her new labtop we bought her.

sucks.

 

[susiestar]

Take the laptop away and lock it up when she gets home. At the very least get a cable for it and lock it to something she cannot break. I would remove it and her phone completely. with no phone the cops would have done something. Whomever she is with will have a phone so she can still call you if she needs to - just cannot use it as an exuse - "you could just call me, no need for me to come home because you could call me, etc...". I wouldn't make a big deal, just take it away when she is asleep and not say anything unless/until she asks you where it is. If she has a fit, walk away unless she is hurting someone. IF she damages something, take her favorite outfits away and sell them at a teen used clothing place until you have the $$ to make up for whatever the repairs cosst. Heck, sell the phone and laptop too if it comes to her damaging property.

Sorry it has come to this. I had a feeling she was playing along for a while. It is pretty common.

 

[Jena]

thanks. i don't know what it is, her therapist is away this week so its' interesting she's kicking up now. so she's doing what she wants and getting away with it.

gone for today's second day, refusing to come home. no apparent reason why. sad thing is if she keeps this up we can't have her living here. it would be crazy. i can't be up worrying till 3 a.m.

funny thing is i had decided to make her curfew later because she'll be 18 and going into college. than she went and did this.

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh dear! I am so sorry.
And you're right ... if she'd been thinking clearly, she could have negotiated a later curfew due to her age.
I just don't understand these kids.
My easy child isn't defiant, just an airhead. We are losing our auto insurance because of her. Sigh. And this is a GOOD easy child!!! Arrgh!

I'm sending strength, clarity and stamina to you through the DSL.