My 19 year old daughter texted finally after the last text on Sat saying she didn't feel well. (phone got charged somehow...I think she's been sleeping at the park and friends). She lost her EBT card. I will pick her up and drop her off at the services dept. She got a gift card for her birthday for a craft store. She asked if I wanted to go and take her along (my favorite store). I am wondering if she will want to come home and sleep here tomorrow or longer or maybe not and I feel myself tensing up knowing I am conflicted. I didn't ask her. I don't want to enable her but I also want her to check in and "visit ". I want to keep a relationship and hope we can eventually feel open and honest with each other and not walking on egg shells. I want to enjoy my daughter regardless of her problems regardless of drugs and alcohol. Seems like a fine line between enabling and just accepting her for who she is. I will not tolerate abuse anymore and right now she's acting sweet. But as soon as it turns sour I will remind her that this is our home and if she can't respect us she needs to leave. I would like her to start to own her life but right now I'm too weak for setting permanent boundaries because I just want to know that she's ok once in a while. I want to feed her fruits and veggies and keep her warm. Motherhood (and fatherhood) is the most rewarding job and honestly the most painful. This kid I nursed for over three years...is my first blood relative (I was adopted at 6 weeks) thst I met and shares some of my same interests. I see myself in her even in her brutal moments (I was awful to my mom too and out of control....but doing college). Finally when I had my daughter, my relationship with my own mom felt stronger again. It's strange how we can't stand the people we love the most! Anyway would you allow your kid back for a visit once in a while even if they are not taking steps to improve their life? I always feel like I'm doing something wrong nomatter what it is.