Eventful week

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by HereWeGoAgain, Sep 25, 2008.

  1. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    difficult child has just been released from a week-long stay in the hospital. From a combination of heavy drinking, illegal and prescription drug abuse, not taking prescribed thyroid and psychiatric medications, a diet of pure junk food combined with purging, and antacid overuse (50-100 Tums tablets daily), she came very close to dying. She was taken to the ER last Thursday after vomiting all day. Blood work revealed near-zero potassium from the purging and vomiting, leading to fears that her heart would stop, and hypercalcemia (sky-high calcium) from the Tums and messed-up hormone levels. The stress on her kidneys was too much and she went into acute kidney failure, swelling up by 28 pounds at one point with water retention. She was scheduled to undergo dialysis but they managed to stabilize her and saw signs of some kidney function returning, so held off. Her kidneys now are back to functioning near normal.

    The doctors all insist that she must get into rehab again, naturally. She has supposedly contacted one that will take her for a 28 day program. I hope that's true, and that she avails herself of it, but I am not optimistic about it doing much good, if she even follows through on going. It is up to her.

    wife was up at the hospital every day over the crisis. She's been awesome at detaching from difficult child's behavior but this was just too much, even in the knowledge that the whole situation was self-inflicted by difficult child. But, wife did draw the line when difficult child begged to be allowed to come "home" for "just a week or two" between the hospital and rehab. She realized that once difficult child was back in the house, old patterns would reassert themselves just as they always have. wife did this on her own, fortunately. I was prepared to, if necessary, deploy what I think of as my "nuclear option": an ultimatum that if difficult child moves back in, I pack my bags and head for a motel for the duration.

    wife is going ahead and offering to pay difficult child's outstanding psychiatrist's bill so she can get her prescriptions reordered, which is a prerequisite for the treatment center. Although that might be construed as rescuing, I think wife gets a pass: not letting difficult child move back in is the main point.
  2. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Wow HWGA, what a mess!

    I'm glad to hear that difficult child pulled through, and VERY impressed with wife for standing her ground and not letting difficult child come home.

    It doesn't strike me that paying the psychiatrist bill is rescuing. More like making it possible for difficult child to start regulating herself a bit. What she chooses to do from that point is on her head.

    Way to go, warrior dad and mom.

  3. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Oh, how awful that must have been for both of you! I am so sorry. I am very proud of both of you for how you are handling this. I don't think pay the p-doctor bill is rescuing or enabling. It is allowing her a chance at treatment. I do agree that a 28 day stint at rehab is probably not going to cause a change but it does seem necessary to give it a try. Maybe this will be the time she will "see the light".
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Well, I don't blame wife for being at the hospital everyday. Detaching is fine and good. I don't feel that sitting nearby while you're child's in major crisis is undoing the detachment. And I don't really blame her for paying the psychiatrist so she can get into a program. (although I personally wouldn't have) It's nitemarish to watch someone do this to themselves.

    I hope this puts some major fear into difficult child's heart and causes her to want to make the program work. OMG how very very lucky she was!

    Sending major ((((hugs)))) to both you and wife.
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    WOW.....I was thinking about you and wife the other day. I did not know that all that mess was going on with your difficult child. I am really saddened by the entire situation and continue to keep you all in my prayers....

    KUDOS to wife - I think she's doing a marvelous job of detaching and sticking to it. How you two have survived is a complete mystery - must be a ton of love!!

    Incidently have you seen the glowing sea off the coast of East Africa? Remarkable sea life.

    Take care
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow...Im so sorry all this has happened. I am in awe of your wife. I am taking lessons from her. I hope this time things click for difficult child.
  7. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE


    Kudos to both you and wife. :bravo:

  8. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I'm glad to hear your daughter survived her actions. Let's hope she gets into the rehab and actually works the program. At least it could be a good starting point.

    I'm with the rest of the gang, you guys did awesome! There was no enabling, there was a lot of love and support and that's all you can do and give at this time.

    Now that the crisis is over, I vote you guys go out for a nice, romantic dinner and enjoy each other.
  9. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    How tough that must have been. I am glad she pulled through!

    Another vote for a great job done by you and wife.
  10. Genny

    Genny Worlds Best Nana

    Wow. I truly hope this was her bottom. Does she realize how close she was to death? You and husband deserve detchment awards. Great job, Mom and Dad!:bravo:

  11. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Sorry coming in so late...but WOW. I can't even chew one Tums let alone 50. I hope she gets the help she needs. You guys hang in there.

  12. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    Regarding the Tums, she was diagnosed with GERD ("acid reflux") while she was in the hospital. Her brother, easy child 2, also has GERD. wife also has frequent heartburn though not so severe. So it seems to be hereditary, and probably exacerbated by the alcohol and purging. She has always used Tums much more than the average person, i.e. two or three tablets a couple of times a day, but nothing even close to the recent wholesale gobbling. I always thought that Tums were completely benign, now I know better. It just goes to show that extreme excess in anything can be harmful.

    I forgot to mention that her bio father called her (and easy child 2 as well) out of the blue last week, after 20 years of no communication. So she was in a highly emotional state, and I wonder how much that contributed to the crisis.
  13. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    What a horrible week to go through for you and wife .... but I am in awe of your ability to both care and detach. I too would have been at my difficult child's bedside daily. I don't know that I could have said no to him coming home, despite knowing what would happen! I also am taking lessons from you. I sincerely hope your daughter will respond to therapy.