ever seek support for yourself?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by sjexpress, Dec 14, 2012.

  1. sjexpress

    sjexpress Guest

    Have you ever gone to a psychologist for yourself to get help to deal with your emotions and stress related to dealing with a difficult child? I feel like I am over the edge and so lost due to trying to help difficult child. I don't know what to do or where to turn. Things have been so bad with difficult child that it has put the whole family in a downward spiral. We have been trying to do everything possible for difficult child but nothing is effective. According to difficult child, everything we do is wrong. He is verbally abusive to all of us and ruins any little thing we possibly try to do as a family. The past few months have gotten even more stressful because now if something does not go difficult child's way and all his carrying on doesn't get us to do something how and when he wants, he threatens to run away or if it during the morning, he refuses to go to school until we do what he wants done, how he wants it. This school year we've had to get the school guidance counselor and social worker involved due to absences! We seem to never have a day without drama. Poor easy child gets the brunt of it and I am sick of it. easy child should not have to live with such awful situations. difficult child bullies him relentlessly. We have punished, rewarded, gotten counseling, etc... nothing helps. difficult child refuses to see anyone now or try medications. He wants us to leave him alone and let him do what ever he wants. I fear for his future. He is such a great student with a 90's avg. and on school sport teams. If it wasn't for the absences, no one at school would ever know there is a problem. Teachers love him! At home it is a horrible life. difficult child is defiant, never doing anything we ask. Everything is a battle. He gets mean and nasty the second he senses the answer is not what he likes. I feel sorry for difficult child for having these problems. Mostly I am angry. Sometimes I want to take easy child and run away to give him a better life and remove him from the stress. He never gets to go anywhere or do much because of difficult child. Yet, the guilt of leaving difficult child and husband behind is too much for me so I would never act on it. I love husband so much but the stress from difficult child is building this huge gap between us.
    Anyway, I could go on and on but just wondering how others deal?

  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry you are experiencing all of this pain. I understand how you feel. I have often, if not always, sought help for myself to cope, learn skills, get support, have a place to vent, cry, be angry, all of it, raising a difficult child is remarkably difficult. I would encourage you and your husband, if he is willing, to find some kind of support system. Whether it be a private therapist, a family support group, whatever you can find where YOUR needs are met and you can have some time for YOU. For me, it's made a world of difference. You are doing battle and you need a M.A.S.H. unit just like any other wounded warrior. (((HUGS))))
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Remind me... has he ever had a comprehensive evaluation? And is he really 12? (i.e. your signature is up to date?)
    Since when does HE get to refuse to see anybody?

    But that's a separate topic.
    I know where you are coming from about seeking help for yourself.
    I have tried - and not been successful (we have a different system here... fewer options).
    But many on this board have that kind of support - and it is definitely worth it if you find someone you can work with, and who kind of understands your difficult child ... because ordinary tdocs are going to make all sorts of suggestions that "we" know don't work because we've been there done that already.
  4. greenrene

    greenrene Member

    I'm in a very similar boat, and I'm about at the point where I feel like I need to seek support for myself. I don't know if I'm going to go to the new therapist we got for difficult child, or if I'll go to her old therapist (REALLY liked her), but, in my world, I've hit a point that something's gotta give. I hear you on the wanting to take easy child and go (I have 2 easy child kids), and I also hear you about the gap building between you and your husband. Hang in there, and definitely seek help! I need to take my own advice...
  5. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I am actually attempting to go now to deal with the depression related to my difficult child's issues. Unfortunately I have had to cancel my last several appointments due to missing so much work for her issues.
  6. tammybackagain

    tammybackagain New Member

    When DS-difficult child was younger I did go, it helped so much, to vent, learn to cope and to have feelings Valadated. it helped
  7. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Yup. One of the best things I ever did for my whole family was to start seeing a therapist. This was about the same time I joined the CD Board, when difficult child was at his worst and I was at the end of my rope. The therapist helped me to change my behaviour, which had a cascading effect on difficult child, husband and his reactions to difficult child, and the rest of the family.

    I highly recommend it.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Has your son ever been evaluated? If HE gets the right help, you'll feel better. If he doesn't, even if you see a psychologist, things will still be bad. He needs to get help in school even though he is not behind. Otherwise, he is on the cusp on teenagerism and things could get far worse. Please have him evaluated. He needs a diagnosis to get help.
  9. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Yes. I have seen a therapist myself to help me deal with the stress and chaos. It helps me. Hugs.
  10. HopeRemains

    HopeRemains New Member

    Very similar situation here, it actually reminds me of when difficult child was a couple of years younger. His behaviors have morphed, but this was him when he was 3-6. I have not been to a therapist, but have often thought that I need it badly. Go if you can! I would if I had any support that allowed me to go.
  11. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    If you are thinking about seeing someone for yourself my answer would be GO!!!!! I've sought help for myself in the past, and in all honesty I probably should go back again, and it was really quite helpful. It can be a great asset to have a neutral party to bounce ideas off of and maybe even refer you to people who can help your difficult child. My difficult child is the same way. Great in school. Teachers love him. Then he comes home and the real difficult child comes out. Ugh! Yes, it's very frustrating and very tough on the younger sibling.
  12. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I see the same neuropsychologist Kiddo does. We schedule our appointments back-to-back (like 4 and 4:20) so we only have to make one trip to that city every month or 6 weeks or whatever. doctor knows what goes on with Kiddo ergo knows exactly what I'm dealing with with Kiddo, so no need to explain things twice to two different docs.
  13. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    My regular doctor gave me anti-anxiety medications during the worst Kanga years. We had one therapist that while technically only Kanga and Eeyore's therapist, actually acted as a true family therapist and saw me individually to help me deal with them, she also did regular screenings on Piglet and coordinated full family sessions with all of us (until Kanga became to awful for those).
  14. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    You know that saying about how if you're on an airplane, and you need to put on an oxygen mask, put your own on first, then you can help others?

    It's hard to be the parent of a difficult child, also stressful and traumatic. Help yourself absolutely, you'll feel better.
  15. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm another who has sought the help of a therapist. It was a great thing because it helped a lot!