Exhausted....and venting

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by guinnessgirl, Nov 12, 2011.

  1. guinnessgirl

    guinnessgirl New Member

    difficult child (is the right? I'm new here...) was home last weekend for a visit, and things went smoothly....after I convinced my 17 yo daughter not to leave for the weekend....But, of course, things always go smoothly for visits, don't they? :sigh:

    Had a meeting with the "educational resource team" at DHS on Wed. to discuss our options when difficult child comes home. I told them (none of whom have met my child) that her coming home was going to be a disaster. I said, "I just want you all to remember this meeting. Because, if she comes home, she will hurt herself, one of us, or someone outside the family. And I don't want to say 'I told you so', so just remember this."

    Basically, we don't have any options for school. Our local school district won't take her, and the ISD is a mess - it's a holding tank for kids, that's it. Plus, when she attended there before, they suspended her almost daily. If she made it through one day of school a week, it was a "good" week. There is a new charter school that sounds like a good fit, but no transportation....:badmood:

    Then, the social worker, who has NEVER MET MY DAUGHTER OR ANY OF MY OTHER KIDS, said, "Are your other kids getting counseling for difficult child coming home?" And I said, "Counseling? Is there counseling that prepares one for living with a person that assaults them? If so, you might want to share it with abused wives everywhere...." (This is why my husband generally doesn't let me attend these meetings unattended...:rofl:

    THEN, the social worker said, "Well, counseling would help the kids express their feelings..." And I said, "Oh, their feelings have been expressed. They are ****** and scared. And those are appropriate feelings, given the situation. So what exactly is a counseling session going to do?"

    Now, husband and I are in the process of hiring an attorney that we can't afford to see if we can petition the courts to get daughter into a step-down program....and if we can keep her there for a year, she'll be old enough to move to adult foster care.....

    And just to make things more interesting, I'm having hot flashes about every 20 minutes.....:919Mad:
  2. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    I would be exhausted too if I were trying to deal with that. Several people on here have experience and advice in dealing with a child that just cannot come home for the safety of the family. I don't have any experience or advice but wanted to say "Welcome" and "Vent away".

    It's wonderful that you and husband are on the same page. You have to make your home safe for your other children.

  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Right after difficult child went into the hospital three weeks ago, I asked about how hot flashes felt, I am here with my face and arms on fire as I am typing. At first thought it was hives. It happened directly when the increased stress started. I dont know really if it is hot flashes but I AM that age and my schedule is messed up (which never has happened except under extreme stress maybe 3 times in my life). So, had to chuckle, it definately adds another dimension to this whole struggle.

    Love your responses to the team. Really? I can't tell you how many meetings I've had and I have sat there saying to them..." OK, here is what is 100% PREDICTABLE and I am just putting it out on the table for ALL of you to hear so that when this all falls apart you remember that you were warned". But even more frustrating than that, is that we waste so much time re-inventing the wheel, which... if their goal is to help move difficult child along... really hurts difficult child. Why do they have to learn the hard way too???
  4. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Guiness, I don't have the problem that you do, and I hope to God that I never do, but I just wanted to say that I think your response to the team of social workers was right on. How can you prepare the other kids for your difficult child to come home when they are afraid of what she will do to them?

    I never understood that idea that reunification is the ultimate goal for all families. Yes, I'm sure that there are families that have their kids get the help that they need and they can come home and live reasonably productive lives. But when you have kids who have threatened the other members of the family, or make it sound like they are a danger to others, how is reunification helpful? It just adds way more stress onto an already stressful situation.