Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by llamafarm, Mar 26, 2012.

  1. llamafarm

    llamafarm Member

    First time husband and I have had a half hour to talk since the police visit and the hospital visit last week. He was out of town until Friday and then between dealing with difficult child, my work schedule and always having kids around we haven't had time to catch up or share our opinions on the subject of what's next. Needless to say it did not go well. I am the only one who tries to enforce anything anymore, he is gone a good deal of the time. I said I didn't feel supported. Either with discipline or with him gone all the time. That was it. He was done. He travels to supplement our income. And because he gets a lot of pleasure and sense of accomplishment from it. But I crossed the line, I guess when I said he is gone too much... He is gone again, this time to get away because he is so angry at me and the situation. I'm done with angry, we just need a plan in which I don't get stuck making the parenting decisions.
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2012
  2. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Llama, I understand the feeling that you are the one making the decisions and enforcing them. It is hard when your partner does not back you. Do you think he is just scared, or that he feels guilty for difficult child's problems? I know until things got very bad with my difficult child, husband just shut out what was going on and just wanted me to handle it. It is so frustrating esp. when you feel there is no one around to vent to and bounce ideas off of.

    You are doing a great job. Keep being consistent. I only wish I had had your strength and follow though years ago. You are taking steps to get him the help he needs. Just remember you are strong, and doing this to make him a better person. Hugs.
  3. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Llama, I get it, too. I'm a stay at home mom mom and the one with the kids all of the time. I'm the one who does pretty much everything for them, including dealing with difficult child's outbursts. I'm the one to deal with the therapist and the psychiatrist. I'm the one who has to protect easy child from difficult child's rages and tantrums. Two weeks ago difficult child punched me so badly I was bruised from shoulder to elbow. I told husband that if it happened again I would call the police and husband lost it, telling me that I can't do that. I told him then he needed to be home more often to protect me if I wasn't allowed to protect myself.

    I don't have any advice. If I knew how to change it I would not be in the same position. I just wanted to say that I understand.
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    O my gosh!!! I'd be furious!

    Must be nice to have the option to "go" when the going gets tough! GRRR!!!

    I think it is patently unfair that so many of these husbands and fathers get to choose to step out any time it suits them while we wives and mothers are left holding down the fort.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    His clothes would be packed and in front of the locked door when he got home. J/K...I think. This man is MEAN.
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    any chance you can plan a trip to a spa or something and when he comes home let him know you will be back in a few days because it is now YOUR TURN to take a break???

    Holy heck I would be so mad. Yes, you do need a plan. Do you have access to a family therapist so you can work on this with him?