Feel like we're stuck in a rut

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JKF, Apr 17, 2012.

  1. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    difficult child #2 has started acting out again. It's weird...seems to be every month around the same time! If he wasn't a boy I would think he was experiencing PMS! lol Anyway, he's been talking back to teachers, being rude and disrespectful, not getting along with peers, forgetting homework and "forgetting" to do simple household chores like sort his laundry, make his bed etc. Last night I went upstairs and was hit by the most god awful smell. What was it? His laundry pile! I seriously almost gagged! He is supposed to sort his laundry daily and put it in the hamper (I wash twice a week) but apparently hasn't been doing it. And yesterday was 90 degrees here so just imagine the smell from an 11 year old sweaty BOY! Ugggggh!

    Anyway, he got grounded last week because he waited until the last minute to do not one, but TWO projects he had a month to do. He said it was because he'd rather be watching TV and playing video games. TV and video games are now off limits until he starts showing he's responsible with his homework. At this point he's allowed to play outside and play with certain toys (legos, k'nex, things he can use his mind for) and read but that's it. Well, it doesn't seem to be phasing him. I feel like we're stuck in a rut. I tried making a reward chart. Doesn't work. I tried praise for good deeds. Doesn't work. I tried taking things away. Doesn't work. And now, grounding (which used to work) doesn't work! Any suggestions on what I can do to break out of this cycle? This is seriously driving me insane!!!
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Me = broken record. Forgive me if I've said this to you before, but...

    1) 11 yo
    2) ADHD
    3) things are going downhill

    Am I correct so far?

    Then... chances are sky high that you're dealing with some of the things that frequently go along with ADHD... and you haven't found them yet.
    1) 50% of people with ADHD, have Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD). Even subtle fine motor skills problems can be deadly at school!
    2) LDs are extremely co-morbid with ADHD
    3) 70% of people with ADHD and a Learning Disability (LD)... have Auditory Processing Disorders (APD)

    So... why NOW? because right about now is when school makes a major shift - and there are lots of kids who fly under the radar through the early grades, and then hit the wall in grade 4 or 5 or 6. They can't fake it anymore. And they can't do the work. It shows up as "attitude" and "behavior". In reality? It's a cry for help.

    Has he ever had an Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation for sensory and motor skills issues?
    And an Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) for auditory processing - full spectrum, including auditory figure ground.
  3. keista

    keista New Member

    Well, there is evidence that hormones cycle in males just like they do in females. It's just not as distinct. It's also more prominent at puberty and mid-life.

    I learned early on that groundings really don't phase my kids. They WILL find other way to entertain themselves and does nothing to motivate them to do what they are supposed to do. Rewards pretty much have the same effect unless they are immediate short term ones. But even then they don't always work.

    "Forgetting" chores is EXTERMELY common with ADHD. You need to constantly remind him. Stand with him when he's doing the chore. Explain step by excruciatingly detailed step how to perform the chore.