Feeling a bit homicidal, is that bad?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by hearts and roses, Dec 15, 2009.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Before I even start I just want to say that

    1) No, I am not a homicidal nutjob, and

    2) I realize that I am luckier than most.

    I am sooooOOOoooOOooo peeved right now I can barely speak. I wish I could close my office door and scream...or better yet...I wish I could run screaming from the building and just go home. I'm on the verge of tears, I'm so frustrated.

    Each year, we all get bonuses on the 15th of December - end of year/holiday bonus. I have consistently received a VERY nice bonus. Well, this year, I barely received half of what I normally would, however, everyone's was lower than usual as business was down. Despite the dissappointment, I feel very grateful for any bonus at all - after all, there are those who receive nothing, and some who don't even have a job, so, believe me, I am grateful.

    Well, today I checked my on line account and my regular salary deposit is in there, but no bonus. Also, the bookkeeper (the one who took over my job last year) did not send me the paychecks via courier to hand out today as she usually does. So, I emailed her to ask about the stubs and to also inquire about the bonuses being deposited today. No response. Then I asked a co-worker I know was scheduled to receive a bonus if he happened to check his on line account and he said that he did and his entire bonus was there. Hmmmmm. So, I called the bookkeeper lady on her cell, thinking she must be working out of the office, and she didn't answer her phone. Odd, when she's here she is always on her cell.

    I have felt my boss (brother in law) pushing me outside of the managerial loop for over a year now. He has moods where he gets all squierelly with me and company information. I am the office manager so I am usually privy to confidential information - his behavior is odd. Anyway, I just feel something funny is going on. And I'm too upset to go and ask him. Maybe if I don't hear back from the bookkeeper after lunch, I will go ask him. You know when your insides feel like a percolator? Well, yeah, that's how my insides feel. I was relying on this bonus money to see me through the end of the month and help cover some holiday expenses. It's not enough to provide a cushion as it usually is, but at least to help out. And now it's not there and I'm just so upset about it, nervous as I feel like I'm walking the plank and what I don't even know. Maybe it was just a fluke accident, but it doesn't feel like it. It could be my PMS acting up, I do get paranoid, but again, it feels like something more. My brother in law can be a game player. For instance he may have told her to hold it until the 31st so that I would have to go to him and inquire about it and he'd get the pleasure of a) watching me squirm and b) being delighted at my disappointment. I don't know. It just ****.
    Lasted edited by : Dec 15, 2009
  2. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Hope its resolved quickly. With a bonus would be even better.

    Sorry you're having to figure this out, tho.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ok, this is odd. Have a question though. How do you know what your bonus is going to be if you havent received a stub or anything in your account? Maybe Im just dense, did they send around a memo?

    I get furious when someone messes with my pay.
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Jo - you are right he does this to you many times. I think it might even be last Xmas he did the same thing to you. Try to relax and not let him get to you. You will get your bonus. Just with a game thrown in to entertain himself.

    Deep breathes.....you can remain calm while he waits for you to squirm.
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I am not getting a bonus. Oh, I got a bonus, but because of the way he had payroll process it, the net is $0 because of all the taxes taken out.

    Here is how it worked: I took a cash loan against my bonus, which many of the other upper employees have done. This cash loan never went through payroll. For example, let's say the cash loan was $5,000*. Last week I received a memo stating that there would be additional bonus money tacked onto that, let's say, $2500. So the total would be $7500. What I thought was going to happen was that the $5000 would be deducted pre=tax, leaving the $2500 subject to taxes so that I would at lease get some money as a bonus and the $5000 would be paid back cash for cash. What brother in law had them do instead was put the entire amount through payroll and it was taxed. The remaining $2500 didn't even cover the entire tax on the total amount of $7500. In fact, I received an email back from our bookkeeper stating that I now owed the company $198. Therefore my bonus check amount was a net $0.

    Okay, so at least on paper I got a bonus and in fact, I did have that $5000 initially to use back in October. What really bothers me is that my brother in law, whom I've worked for for 15+ years never said a word to me about how this would go down. He easily could have put the original loan through as pre-tax and then at least I would have something in the end. And to make it worse, why couldn't he have at least had the decency to tell me to my face. Instead he lets the bookkeeper do his dirty work.

    And my reaction is really a culmination of things - not just the bonus situation. I feel like I'm being punished for something, weeded out, squeezed out of not only my managerial position, but the company. If he's wanting me to quit, he's got another thing coming. I can hang in there until he finally just grows some b_lls and fires me so I can at least collect and take my experience elsewhere. We're talking about FAMILY and 15 YEARS OF WORKING TOGETHER - doesn't that count for anything at all?? I feel betrayed. I really do.

    I left the office - flew out of here - eyes brimming.

    I spoke with H and he actually got it - he was completely empathetic to my feelings about this and says I am right to feel this way. I also spoke with my sister from home (not brother in law's wife) and she was speechless. On the outside, brother in law appears to be such a nice guy but I know from my sister, his wife, that he can be very manipulative and conniving at times, even clueless and spiteful. I just wish I knew what I did wrong.

    Even H said, "Honey, have a glass of wine with lunch to calm your nerves" - for him to say that is HUGE. Instead I took a 1/2 xanax; I don't like drinking in the middle of the day. So much for Christmas. I cancelled my NYC trip with my sisters and cousins - can't afford another dime. And I'm sending an email to my other siblings telling that we will be making a one time monetary donation to the women's shelter in lieu of gifts this year. I just lost all my spirit and have no desire to over extend myself.
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh that was just cruel and stupid. You dont do that to family. You dont do that to long time employees. You treat all employees the same. Im speechless.
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    We are waiting to hear what the bonus this year will be. I was really good and didn't even ask ahead of time this year, because I know that it won't be nearly enough. Then husband's supervisor has been out of the office for the past week due to personal reasons. Honest to goodness, bonuses are so stressful. The fact of the matter is that they tax you at the regular rate, and if you aren't getting as much of a bonus, you're taking a pay cut. I'd rather just have them up his salary and distribute he bonus in his paycheck every month. But then the CEO wouldn't be able to get a 4 million dollar bonus, I guess.

    I don't blame you at all for being upset. I know I don't have to remind you that whatever it is that made him treat you in this shabby manor, you didn't do anything wrong. Maybe things are petering out with you in his company. Maybe he is setting you up to fail. (Don't tell anyone else what has happened, as he might accuse you of releasing privileged information.) But his appalling behavior is about him being an appalling man.

    {{{{{{{{Big hugs}}}}}}}}}
  8. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Most bonus' are taxed at 43%. You should get more in your tax refund when you file.

    I am sorry - this is disappointing to say the least. He could have taken the time to explain this one or have payroll explain it. What a dolt!
  9. bby31288

    bby31288 Active Member

    husband doesn't get a bonus anymore :(
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Well, thank you everyone. Witz, you hit the nail on the head when you refer to him as an 'appalling man'. That's exactly how I feel - appalled. I just came back from a meeting in another office and my assistant told me that he came to her and asked her what was wrong with me, did something happen to my mom...she said that I won't talk about it with her and that everything was fine at home and with my mom. As if he doesn't know - please.
  11. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I'm just speechless.
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Naaahhhhh.... I feel that way at least twice a week. :)

    Vent, vent, vent!!
  13. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    What a jerk. Even more so because of family and your 15 years of experience. Don't let his rudeness damage your Christmas. Many hugs.
  14. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    This morning I am driving to 3 places to look at for my mom with....wait for it...my sister, brother in law's wife. Ugh - just shoot me now, someone please. Hahahaha. I've lost my Christmas spirit in the providing for everyone sense, but not with my family. I wish I could do more for them, but they are adults and understand. H and I are going out tonight shopping so maybe he will put in some money to help out. But I know that this has been a rough year for him with business and he's short on cash as well. It will all work out I'm sure and our holiday will be fine. The damage, this 'thing', between my brother in law and me, I'm not so sure about. Can he really be this clueless? Thank you for all of your support.
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, I am so sorry that your b-i-l is so passive-aggressive. Bravo for H!!!
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    by the way, in regard to bonuses, my husband's ofc mgr did a pre-emptive strike, and offered to have the ofc party at her house rather than a ritzy restaurant. She did the numbers and found that it saved about $600. She told my husband that she wanted everyone, incl herself, to get bonuses, even if they're only $50-$100 apiece. He said okay! :)
  17. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    I don't know about all of your history with your brother in law but from a former CPA's perspective, I think the payroll part was handled correctly. He could have talked to you about it, but he might not have even thought about the details of how it would be handled and know that you would end up with no extra money right now.

    Since you got the $5,000 up front and really didn't pay it back, other than out of your bonus, it is part of your bonus and is taxable. If he does it pre-tax, that is just like giving you a tax-free paycheck.

    When I did payroll, we used the supplemental rate for withholding on bonuses, which appears to be 25%, now. Add on FICA and Medicare and you're at close to 33%. Whatever your state withholds would also have to come out.

    I'm not saying you don't have reasons to be angry with him, but this, from a legal/accounting point, doesn't seem to be his fault.

    I hope this makes you feel a little better about it.
  18. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Hi Hope, I do see what you're saying and I have considered that as well through all of this. I always try to look at any situation from every possible angle. It is very possible that he simply didn't realize what the net numbers would be when he calculated the bonus. It's also quite possible the accountants just ran it the way they ordinarily do without even running it by him to do it another way.

    The thing is that this is not the first time my brother in law has pulled some wierd stunt with me. Also, we have other employees who have taken advances and paid them back - cash for cash. It was not completely out of line for me to *ask* that the $5000 be deducted pre-tax from my bonus money and just treat it as a cash for cash loan and then run the remaining $2500 as the bonus. It would not be like getting a tax free paycheck - it would be like taking a loan and then paying it back. I know it's fanagling a bit, but it was doable and in the past he would have agreed no problems, but like I said in my posts, something is up with him - I can feel it in my bones. There is more to this matter between my brother in law & me than the bonus. I think that he should make it his business to understand and oversee the workings of his payroll and bonus system so that it's fair. When I was involved in the process I always made sure that it was fair and carried out appropriately and on time. Now my brother in law puts his faith and trust in virtual strangers who are our accountants and have very much to gain as such.

    The points you made are the key reasons I have chosen to just keep my mouth closed and to continue focusing my goals come the new year, which is to go back to school and eventually get my degree. Thanks so much for your post, however, because it does give a different perspective.
  19. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    continue focusing my goals come the new year, which is to go back to school and eventually get my degree

    Woo hoo! Excellent. When life gives you lemons ... :)
  20. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    I'm sure you have reasons to be upset with him.

    Maybe it isn't on the paycheck the way it should be. Your bonus was $7,500. Taxes were withheld on the $7,500. Then you paid back the $5,000. If he showed it as a $5,000 taxable income amount, I can see why you would be confused.

    But if you had won the lottery and paid him back the $5,000 last week, that would be a cash for cash loan. Then this week, he would give you a bonus of $7,500 with taxes withheld which would be under $5,000. Your net would still be that you paid him a little bit of money. Does that make sense?

    Having it pre-tax would be like borrowing $2,000 and then him saying, "since your salary is $2,000, I just won't pay you this month and we'll call it even". He may do this, but if so, if the IRS knew, he would be in trouble, because he isn't paying employee taxes on it and the employees are not paying income taxes on it.

    All this is not to say something isn't up with him and you. But this particular incident doesn't seem like a personal thing, to me.