Feeling anxious and I'm not sure why....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dashcat, Nov 23, 2011.

  1. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Maybe this just comes with the territory of having a difficult child, but I'm feeling anxious and uneasy about Thanksgiving. There's a big age difference between me and my two sisters ... they have grandchildren around my difficult child's age. They each have their own families over for the holidays and difficult child and I go to both celebrations. I have a close family and we always have a wonderful time.

    So, what's the problem? Good question.

    Mabye it's my gut, maybe I'm paranoid ... mabye if I just get it off my chest in this safe place, it'll go away.

    She moved in with her doofus boyfriend at the beginning of the month. He is going to his parent's house for Tday - and she didn't really elaborate as to whether she was invited and declined or whether she wasn't invited, but she says she is coming with me.

    I'm sure her dad is going to be with his girlfriend's family and, though she usually also tries to incorporate that into her visits, she's not going this year.

    For the last couple of family gatherings, she's stuck pretty close to me ...doesn't interact with her cousins (which I don't get), but otherwise is pleasant and well-mannered. I have no real reason for this bad feeling ...it's just there.

    I am glad she is coming with me. I am glad doofus is going to be elsewhere. Really, I am.

    And I know so many of you are dealing with so much more than this. Still, can anyone relate?

  2. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    FWIW - I call it AngstGiving...

    and I think we are so accustomed to waiting for the other shoe to fall - that forced -even festive - family occasions seem rife with "falling shoe" possibilities...

    Happy Thanksgiving - I hope yours is festive and stress free!
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    sig- I love that, so good.

    Yes, for different reasons of course, this year is different for me. I am worried not about the usual moments that bless every family gathering with Q, but this year I am afraid of a rage....hitting throwing cranberry sauce all over the room, whatever. Trying not to let my mind go there.
  4. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I hope you are spared. Rage has never been a problem - or at least not outward rage. She's into the silent boil passive/aggressive scene. Sig - LOL! May I steal that?

    Took a look at her tumblr page (I know,I know...) Here's her posting:
    MF's (only spelled out)
    I am sick the GD day before Thankstiving
    and i know that i’ll be sick tomorrow.
    which means i’ll probably end up staying in bed most of the GD day and not doing (f word) anything.
    i would like to see my family, but their so uptight and anal that if your sick, just don’t (f word) come.
    so i will probably just go to (Doofus') for the day. not that i mind. his family is a (H)of a lot more fun than mine.

    This should be interesting. First of all, yesterday was her 1 year anniverary with D. She claims she was so sick she couldn't go to work. She was also supposed to work tonight .... who knows if she went. Who knows if she'll have a job at the end of the week (not my problem).

    So she's already too sick TODAY to spend time with my (not anal or uptight in the least) family. She is not, however, planning to be too sick to spend time with his family, though.

    So I gather I'm going to be ditched. It will be interesting to see how she does this. I hope that is the sole source of my dread feeling and that it's not more...

    Yesterday, she was all excited about T day with the family..

  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My oh my is she miserable or what? I'm pretty sure she writes that for effect, for sympathy. I bet she comes with you, just my feeling. But if she doesn't I am ordering you to have a nice time with your sisters.

  6. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    Sorry Dash. I hate that feeling, and for me it usually means trouble is on the way. I always have that feeling of dread just before something happens. Here's hoping it's just holiday stress and nothing crazy happens. Try and enjoy your holiday as best you can!
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I think someone was attention seeking. She may or may not be sick. But pretty definite on the attention seeking.

    Since she's pretty much stuck by your side the past couple of holidays could anxiety be playing a role? About going that is......
  8. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Well, her dad just called to ask about what she is doing (she isn't returning his calls for unknown reasons). While talking to him, I droppped my phone into the hot milk and butter mixture that was going into my homemade rolls! It's sittingin rice right now, but I think it's a goner.

    And it'smy only phone.

    So now she can have all sorts of excuses as to how she tried to call and say she was so very sick.

    And, Janet, yes --- there is a bit of anxieity there. She compares herself to everyone else - she is the only difficult child in the family .. all the kids are wonderful, personable, humble, doing interesting things with their lives. There is no bragging, no judgement ....she is just pretty hard on herself when it comes to this.

    Where the heck do I get a PHONE on Thanksgiving!
  9. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Phone? Go to Walgreens or a big grocery store & buy a cheap prepaid phone- for your carrier. ($9.99) Insert the sim card from your old phone. I think it works w most carriers except Sprint iirc. If your sim card is toast you can call the carrier & they will activate the prepaid sim card on your acct instead. Hth
  10. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Bless you, Sig! I had no idea this was possible.
  11. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Aw dash I'm sorry about the phone. I hope you hear from her soon, but how??? Maybe she will have to just show up.

  12. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Couldn't be crazier (the phone thing)! I can send texts trhough Verizon's websie and receive responses. I can also check my Voice Mail from another phone. I found a KYOCERA pre paid phone we'd conficasted from her while she was still in HS and had her phone taken away. She was using the stealth phone to get around us and to text a 28 year old man! Anway, it's charging and I hope I can buy minutes, even if I can't do it through Verizon. Also contacted Verizon and am waiting for an email.

    She may never know I don't have a phone if I text her before I leave "on my way ! see you soon!". Then I'll know if she calls or texts when I check in. Her usual MO is simply not to answer the phone or return calls. She may, indeed, just show up.

    In any case, I plan to enjoy my day. I'm working hard not to get hijacked by the drama .... but I sure can't help wishing it wasn't there.

    Happy Thanksgiving!
  13. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Dash -

    Hope you can find a way to have a Wonderful Thanksgiving and rise above it all! Sending out hope that she just shows up like you hope~

    Hugs & Love
  14. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Well, I am back from an enjoayble round of visits - and two meals! X finally got in touch with difficult child and told her about my phone's milkbath incident. She seized the opportunity and texted my neighbor to tell me that she was much too ill to go with me. Neighbor delivered the message, laughing hysterically about the fate of the phone. I did try calling her - offered to bring her a doggie bag since she was bedridden with this terrible illness and lives five minutes from my sister. Of course, she didn't answer the phone.

    Both gatherings were filled with great conversation,amazing food and fun.

    Then why do I feel so awful?

    My great-nieces and nephews are all close in age to difficult child. One is a senior in high school, the rest are all either in college or recently graduated. They are busy with work, school, friends, adventures. Every single one of them took a moment (or more) to talk with me tonight...such amazing and interesting young men and women.

    I remember the days when we'd arrive at these celebrations. We'd walk in and difficult child (before she was a difficult child) would run off with her cousins. They'd play games and put on little plays and I used to think how wonderful it was that they all got along so well. I would imagine the days when they'd all be in college and home for breaks and how they'd be in each other's weddings. And it came true for all of them ... except my daughter.

    My daughter's world if very narrow: her doofus boyfriend, pot,getting drunk, the next tatoo, working as little as possible, meeting guys on craiglist... that's about it. i wanted os much more for her.... and I don't mean I wanted her to accomplish more ...I wanted (still want) her to LIVE more.

    I wanted her to stay tightly bound in that pack of cousins ... in this family that loves her .. and wanted to see her enjoy her life.

  15. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest


    I so know how you feel....it really brings out the sadness for things lost when you watch other kids the same age doing well...everyone has their own path in life and there are those who mess up their lives royally and then manage to turn it around....i keep hoping for that.

  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Holidays are hard. Much as you love them all, seeing your family and how well the nieces/nephews are doing makes you see how difficult child is not doing as well. I used to find myself getting upset even when the relatives were not asking about Wiz or making comments, snide or otherwise, about how he was doing.
  17. buddy

    buddy New Member