Feeling anxious

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Mar 9, 2012.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Hi all,

    We talked to the therapist again tonight. I had emailed her asking for an update. My husband is going down on Friday to their family day and a visit with my son.

    Anyway apparently he did not have a very good week. How much time and what kind of pass he gets next weekend will depend on how he does this week. Apparently the therapist talked about what I talked to her about last week and he shut down and acted out. He is beign defiant and not following some rules which tends to be his MO. So he did agree to see a therapist who deals with some of this stuff. She is talking to him about how the he is dealing with things is not working for him. But he is struggling with motivation to really figure stuff out... and she said he needs to figure out what will motivate him. The insurance is running out.... but it seems absolutely nuts to let him leave and go to a halfway house.... they know and we know he is not strong enough right now to stay sober. He needs continued residential treatment. My feeling is we really have to stay with this opportunity. I like this place, from what we have read and talking to her i think they know what they are talking about. They are working with the insurance co... and I think giving him more treatment than is really being covered right now. I am going to call the admissions folks on Monday to see what options we have if he runs out of insurance. If he finds soem real motivation we are willing to pay some towards treatment but we have no idea what kind of cost we are talking about....and if he is not motivated then we definitely don't want to do that. So my anxiety is up because I really feel kind of hopeless about him going to a halfway house without continued serious treatment right now.... I don't think he will stay sober!! so I have to make that call on Monday.

    My reaction to all this news was what can WE do to help get that motivation.... and then of course I come back to WE can't do anything, this really has to come from him. But I wonder if he will ever accept the help he so dearly needs.

    There are a couple of hopeful signs. One thing the therapist said is he does have some good survival instincts. He is depressed, although not really admitting depression but he is taking his medications for depression. She does not feel he is suicidal. Hopefully those will really kick in this week and he will feel better and that will help his motivation. He also is not in denial about how his substance abuse has caused his rift with the family. What I wonder is does he care about that rift? But at least he is not denying it is his substance abuse and so I don't think he is blaming us for it which is progress.

    It helped to just write this out.... when it comes down to it, and worrying about their real welfare it is so hard to continue to step back and wait for them to get motivated towards change. Darn it I wish I could somehow make him get there.

    I did ask about calling him. We could get him a calling card and let him know about it and then he coudl choose to call us. That is another phone call because I want a calling card that he can ONLY use to call home.... I don't want him using it to call his girlfriend which is what I think happened the last time he had one!!!! Anyone know of a calling card just to call home?

  2. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    TL, it sounds like he is making progress, but slower than everyone hoped. Am glad the therapist is so open and thorough.

    You might google personal 800 number. I considered using ths instead of a calling card so difficult child couldnt call his idiot friends.

    Good luck...hope you can get some rest.
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    There used to be something called a "Call Me" card... essentially, it allowed pre-paid "collect" calls, to the number the card was from only. That would probably do the trick... if these things are still around.
  4. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    I hope he begins to get past his acting out and dig into his feelings so he can try coping with these without drugs. I also hope you can find funds for him so he stays and doesn't get moved too early. This is such a waste. Don't insurance companies know that they will end up paying again when the new cycle begins if the kids don't get to a point where they are functional? Can your boy qualify for county money-through mental health?

    We always found that our difficult child had tough weeks when ever they held her accountable to the next step in the process or they called her anything. She had tough months when they held her accountable to being honest. She had the worst time accepting that she had anything to work on or that she did anything wrong. I remember what tough weeks these were. ((Hugs))
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sometimes rehab centers have scholarships available for residents whose insurance has run out but they need more care. I hope that something can be worked out. I agree this program sounds very good and I think he can benefit from staying there longer. It's way too soon to release him and expect him to stay sober.

  6. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I posted this a few months ago & I keep it in my notes on my phone. I am often anxious!! It's a meditation from the NACR website-hope it helps. {{{hugs}}}

    "We are anxious because we think we have to take care of everything and everybody. We are anxious because we believe we cannot be happy unless we can control the people we love. We are anxious because life's problems are more than we can handle, but we try to handle them on our own anyway ...

    ...I am anxious...

    And I feel guilty about feeling anxious.

    And I feel anxious about feeling guilty.

    And I feel anxious about feeling guilty about feeling anxious.


    I am overwhelmed by all I am trying to do. I need (an) invitation to serenity."
  7. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    "when it comes down to it, and worrying about their real welfare it is so hard to continue to step back and wait for them to get motivated towards change. Darn it I wish I could somehow make him get there."

    TL, I feel your pain and am sorry you are in the middle of this dilemma. I hope the insurance company can pay for more treatment. I was so struck by the above quote from your post because, for me, it sums up what I believe we all are feeling and yet trying to stop feeling. It's the feeling of being caught between a rock and a hard space and it is where we often live. What a terrible place for a parent to be. And, we all know detachment is the way out and yet it seems we detach and re-attach again and again. And, your boy is still so young, my heart goes out to you.

    I don't know of any calling cards, but can he just call home collect?

    I am sending you warm wishes, prayers and hugs as well as hope that it works out exactly as you want it to. God bless.
  8. vligrl

    vligrl New Member

    So sorry TL. I know how anxious you are...I don't know if that ever goes away? Hoping you have better news when we see each other and your husband has a good visit.
  9. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Hi all,

    Thanks all... feeling somewhat better in that I had some good times this weekend and got somewhat centered.... but not really as I had a nightmare last night that my son was kicked out of the treatment program and we were trying to figure out what to do!!

    And I went to a conference this morning on trauma (for work) and they talked about a couple of kinds of treatment and all I could relate it to was my son!!!

    So I came home.... and feel into my own addiciton which is food!!! Not good.....

    But I will be ok.

  10. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest


    I'm grateful that you found some peace.

    I understand about the food as that's been plaguing me these days too. As soon as I shake this cold, I'm fixing that issue.

    You will be ok. You will be better than ok.