feeling defeated...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Loving Abbey 2, May 9, 2008.

  1. Loving Abbey 2

    Loving Abbey 2 Not really a Newbie

    This morning was horrible, as was last night. This morning, after 25 minutes of trying to get her to take her medications, I sat down at the kitchen table and cried. And once she realized I was crying she started crying. I feel like it doesn't matter what I do. Why bother trying, it isn't making any difference. I'm just feeling hopeless. I'm so tired. I know things may get better once she gets on the right medications. I can't even see past tomorrow morning. And I don't know how much longer my job is going to hang on with me being late nearly every day. I feel like I can't do this...the illness wins...

    I know I have to keep going, I just don't feel like I can
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    What is it that she doesn't like about the medications? Does she not like to swallow? Does she not like the taste? Does she not feel like they are helping? Does she feel they make her feel too "weird"? Maybe we can help with ideas if you are able to find out "why"?

    I am sorry you are going through this. Keep focused on the moment - don't look ahead too far. You may be late, but you are still getting there. Are you able to work 1/2 hr later so that maybe setting new work hours will help? Otherwise, keep trying to get out of the house earlier than needed. Set your out the door goal of 20 - 30 minutes before absolutley have to.
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Sadly, it may also be that it makes her feel "not normal" to have to take medications. I bet she would be surprised at how many kids take medications. Abbey, I see your diagnosis's, do you also take medications? Maybe it's time to talk to her about taking medications that make you feel better, and make your body safer. For me that would be blood pressure medications. Do you think the moment is still there that you could talk with her about it that way?
  4. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Sorry you are struggling with this. I feel fortunate that my difficult child takes his medicine without complaint. I imagine he may resist when he gets older. Is this a new problem or has she alway fought you on this?

    I understand how frustrating and hopeless it can be when life becomes so hard. I don't have any advice but I wanted to to send you some support.
  5. ML

    ML Guest

    I think everyone has given some good ideas. Abbey, please try to get past the feeling of defeat. Know that you are doing the best you can, give over what you can't handle to God. It will get better. I'm proud of you for being a great mom. I'm glad you are here among people who get it. We understand and we love you.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ohh, I am so sorry.
    I know the feeilng.
    I hope today is better.
    Usually after something like that, my difficult child will cooperate. I hope it works the same way for you.
  7. Loving Abbey 2

    Loving Abbey 2 Not really a Newbie

    Thanks everyone. I guess my post wasn't very clear. It's really not about taking medication's. It just happened to be the issue yesterday morning. At any given time, there is some basic thing she will not do, brush her teeth, take a bath, wash up, go to bed, put on PJ's, get dressed, etc. And not only will she not do whatever it is that needs to be done, she will not move onto anything else. She climbs into bed, into the closet, behind furniture, etc. And then there are the days where she just refuses to go to school--and she does go eventually but every step of every moment is a struggle. Either she is oppositional or too manic to follow anything without looking like she is drunk (laughing silly falling all over the place, etc). And my favorite and her yelling at me like she is the adult and I'm the child. A lot of what she says are the same things s2bx used to say to both of us. They are things I've never said. And that's frustrating too.

    Specifically regarding the medication's she knows that she needs to take them. In fact she often yells at me for not giving her the "old" medication's (which had too many side effects to continue) because she knows how much they did help. The one she is taking now barely touch her.

    And yes, I am on medication's. For me, it's not a need for more medication's it's just this situation that is overwhelming at times. I can handle the stressful job, and moving, and the large pile of bills, and my step mom being very sick (transplants and cancer) and all the rest of the struggles life has, but difficult child (Abbey) is just too much sometimes. This morning is better because we don't have to go anywhere. She's been up since 8am and it's almost 12, she's eaten, taken her medication's and is in the bath. I don't have 4 hours to get her ready in the morning. She is already getting up 45 minutes earlier than she used to and we are still late.

    I"m just exhausted. Even when I've been at work all day and pick her up, she is just so needy and anxious and talkative and nonstop whining and refusals that I am instantly overwhelmed. I would just like some average time with her.
  8. tryinghard

    tryinghard New Member

    No words of advice..just sending you support and HUGS.
  9. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Now I see!!!

    Your difficult child just doesn't want to transistion - and it isn't always - just sometimes. When my kids did that, I felt they were overwhelmed with the schedule of the day (even though it is the same every day). They are tired of doing the same thing every day and needed a break. The problem is we are on a time schedule and can not take a break. Not sure I ever handled those moments well so won't give advise this time. Believe it or not, my difficult child even refused to come out from under the bed to go to Disney World when we were on vacation - it was the 3rd or 4th day and he just needed a morning off of even fun.

    I wonder if a previous post about you taking medications was pointing to possibly taking them at same time. difficult child will take your lead. That was when we thought this was a medication compliance issue.

    Are you still working on finding the right medications? If these don't help - hang in there - or are these some that take up to 2 months to take effect?

    I know I would be very overwhelmed with everything you are going through. Keep asking, venting and also letting us know your successes. I have a feeling you can teach me alot :)
  10. terryboberry

    terryboberry New Member

    I'm sorry it is so hard right now. Sometimes when it feels hopeless and I can't "get on top" of the illness, I look for respite. Have you access to a county mental health agency or something like that? In our area they have some arranged respite care that parents can use. My understanding is that they will help pay for some qualified child care so you can get a break and be the best parent you can be. You may want to ask your local social services agency. Good luck and peace to you.
  11. Katz314

    Katz314 New Member

    I don't have any advice. I've felt defeated a few times in my life and got through it. What you are going though is hard because it's a major change. I'd say focus on the challenges you have to deal with today. Try getting a copy of the song Jacob's ladder and playing that for a while it always works for me. Music always made the bad stuff that I couldn't deal with go away. Like my disorders disappeared and the world didn't so harsh when I listened to music. Try playing the radio when you do things around the house like wash pots and pans or pay bills.