wm has been, well let's just say a PITA. He's been angry, rude & outright ugly to those who love him most. As hard as it it for parents to get help for their difficult children, that same community of difficult children is quite small & well acquainted with each other. Through hospitalizations, RTCs, respite care, Special Education, etc, etc, etc. It's amazing how many kids have talked of wm to kt & vice versa. None of it pretty from either end. In the meantime, wm has been spreading some pretty awful stories about his twin in the community. Things are ugly AND that set me off when wm called after I refused to speak with him for 2 days because I had to calm down. wm called me yesterday - no "hi mom, how are things?" For 3 months it's been "mom, by birthday is coming up - here's what I want." And it changes each & every time. I lost it yesterday. Simply lost it & yelled at my son over the phone. He tried to hang up & I called & asked to have wm put back on the phone ~ foster mum backed me up & told me wm would not be hanging up on me. I reminded wm of the lack of even a card or a phone call on Mother's day or my birthday or Christmas. I told him that he needed to listen to how I feel for once. My feelings were hurt & that I was tired of being treated like nothing more than a taxi driver to a restaurant or a delivery person of gifts that he turns around & sells anyway. "But mom, I'm sad - dad's dead." "wm have you ever asked how I feel? Do you know that I lost the man I loved for over 20 years? Do you know the void, the pain I feel as well? You're not the only one hurting. I have to live life with-o being a jerk to those around me. I have to continue to maintain even though I hurt - I expect the same of you. If you cannot maintain, you excuse yourself. You do the right thing." I'm tired of hearing how emotionally immature he is - he is 15 now & I expect him to begin acting like one. I expect him to take others into consideration - the world does not revolve around him. I ended the conversation telling wm that he did not want to be on my "list" as that's a very ugly place to be. wm knows me to be a gentle, loving & quiet but firm mom. He doesn't ever expect me to talk in this manner nor did he like what I had to say to him. Foster mum called me later - I asked her if I was now on her list. "No Linda, you're just backing up what I've been trying to tell wm all along. You've become more verbal & have used much stronger language that wm has come to expect from you & I think that's good for him." She warned me that I would be hearing from all the professionals - ask me if I care anymore. Thanks for listening.