For my dad...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by gcvmom, Aug 1, 2010.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    March 4, 1942 ~ August 1, 2010

  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Many hugs for the loss of your father gvcmom. And hugs for what should or would have been.

    You are in my prayers.

    Last edited: Aug 1, 2010
  3. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    I am so very sorry that you've lost your dad. What a heartbreak for you and your family! But Sharon is right. As time passes, when you think about your dad, your thoughts will turn more and more to the good times you had with him, the happy times, and less and less to the pain of losing him. Many, many hugs to you all.
  4. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Hugs. When I worked in home health and hospice, I finally learned to tell people when they asked how I dealt with all the sorrow and death, that when you see what the patients have been through, when they finally go I am sad for me and glad for them, for their torment and pain is over.

    Take the time to be sad for you.
  5. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    So sorry on your loss :(

  6. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. As much as we like to think we're ready, I'm not sure we really ever are. I hope the days ahead bring you some peace and comfort.
  7. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Grief isn't one feeling: it is a tangled knot of feelings that will untangled bit by disorganized bit. There is no "right" way to grieve.

    The OPs are right in that in time the pain eases. You find yourself grieving what might've been more than anything else.

    One thing I can tell you is that, having been widowed for eight years, is that with time, you will be able to page through your memories and smile instead of weep.
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. If I can do something to help, let me know. I'm not that far away.
  9. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I'm so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts.

  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Maybe with all his problems and GFGness, he was being the best father he knew how to be. Not that that is necessarily much of a comfort... one of my best friends had an abusive difficult child dad. When she talked to family, especially his older sister, she learned a lot about his family life as a child and how he was abused by his father. Sometimes the GFGness is inherited, sometimes the GFGness is imposed by poor treatment and lack of appropriate parenting. Sometimes its both. And the damage progresses through the generations if we aren't able to stop it.

    A brother in law of mine had no proper example of normal family life. His parents sent him to boarding school and in the holidays had a nanny for him. They showed no affection and distanced themselves from their children, as if trying to recreate their idea of British upper class upbringing. As a result, brother in law had no idea of how to be a husband and father. I remember when it was his eldest son's bedtime, he would SHAKE HANDS goodnight with his son. Never a hug, never a kiss. The absurdity of shaking hands with a baby stays with me. I remember asking him why (I was a snot-nosed teen at the time) and was told that it was not manly to kiss and hug, and HIS sons would be raised to be men and not sissies.

    His sons are an emotional mess, each one of them. And none of them will have anything to do with their father. Very sad, when this kind of damage passes along the generations. My brother in law was a rotten father, but I still believe he was the best father he knew how to be. it's sad - I describe his fathering in the past tense, even though he is still alive, because he gets zero opportunity these days to do anything in a father role with anybody.

    Hugs, hon. It hurts for a while. In some ways, it always will. But the hurt changes and becomes easier.

  11. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    I am so sorry, gcv. My thoughts are with you and your family.
  12. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so sorry, GVC! Sending may hugs and prayers your way!
  13. GCV Mom,

    I am so sorry for your loss, and my prayers are with you and your family. I agree with GN, there is no one way to grieve. We are here for you, as a soft shoulder and listening ears.

  14. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Gcv, I am so very sorry for your loss.

    Sanding many hugs and many prayers.
  15. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry. Losing a parent is always hard. I still miss my father after 7 years, and my mother after 16 years, and I'm still working through "baggage." But as it gets more distant, the pain lessens.

    Love, Esther
  16. ML

    ML Guest

    I am sending you lots of hugs, love and prayers. May you be surrounded by friends and family who love you during this difficult time. My mom was born just 5 days after your dad (Mar 9, 42). Love you sweetie, ML
  17. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    (((Gvc))) Sending you hugs, peace and calm. Griving is a process and considering your relationship with your dad, it may take you a bit to sort it all out.

    I pray you're surrounded by caring loving people who can lift you up. Hugs.
  18. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Will be keeping you and your family in my prayers.
  19. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    {{{Many HUGS}}}

    I'm sorry that you have to go through this. My prayers are with you and your family.
  20. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    My prayers are with you as you go through this journey, now. I'm sorry.