Forced to Use Detachment 101 on Friend

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, Apr 5, 2008.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Yes. And I don't like it one bit. This is my best friend, someone I care for like a younger sister. We've been thru tons together. I am furious with her. And I'm heartbroken. We've been friends for 9 years.

    This is my bipolar friend I've posted about before.

    Now she is my friend the junkie. Forget alcoholism, forget pot. We are now a certified junkie who is addicted to heroin.

    I'm tired of being lied to, it's as simple as that.

    She lied to me about her husband taking all the money making the kids go hungry. She stole it from him to buy heroin.

    I'm tired of being lied to about how she is off the drug, when she is infact still using at every opportunity.

    I'm tired of th excuses as to why she can't do rehab.

    I'm tired of watching her throw her life away and watching her kill herself.

    I can't do it anymore. I won't do it. I can't help her. She doesn't want my help. Not real help. She wants things that will enable her to be able to use her money on the drug. And I won't do it.

    As much as it hurts me to do so I have to step back. It makes me sick inside.:pouting:
  2. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    That's a tough one. It is SOOO addictive.

    I don't really have any advice. I just remember vividly looking at my difficult child when he had been on the run for about a year and that was what he was doing. I broke down crying. Heroine and meth are the worst. They make you a different person.

    Fingers crossed that she can get some help, but without some strong intervention it is unlikely.

    Hugs, and hopefully help.

  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm sorry, Lisa. It sounds like are doing the right thing though- the only thing you can do if she won't accept help. If you just stay away and don't enable now, maybe someday if she ever does get help, you can be there for her.
  4. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Some people are takers. They take and take and take until you have nothing left to give. People addicted to drugs are takers. They use you up until you have nothing left.

    I'm sorry it's reached this point. It's a gut-wrenching decision and it hurts; gives you a knot in your stomach. But, you're doing the right thing for you.

  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs...
  6. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Hang in there for yourself. Detaching is the right thing to do. if you keep helping her, the crisis will have to get even worse before it comes to a head.

    If she has to lose her kids and wind up in the gutter before she gets help, then the sooner this happens the better.

    It's not easy to watch.

  7. Star*

    Star* call 911


    Hugs for your hurt. Actually when you detach you send a message to her that you can no longer allow her to hurt you. It does not mean you don't love her. You just can't sit by and watch her destroy her life in front of you.

    Always keep in mind - despite whatever she says - She CAN help it. It's just the hardest thing she'll ever do. Don't give her money - make sure your house is locked up if you go away. Keep tabs on her, but stay out of her way. Most addicts try and fail several times over their lives before they find the ability if ever to kick the habit.

  8. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Lisa, part of the reason coming to terms with the addiction of someone we love is so difficult is because we feel we have reached that point where love tires, or where loyalty ends.

    That is not true.

    There is no endpoint for love, there is no place where loyalty changes colors.

    I am sorry for your pain, Lisa.

    It is hard to watch someone we love destroy themselves.

  9. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Lisa, I am so sorry. I had to do a similar thing just a couple days ago, close but not quite the same as your situation.

    The friend that Tink went to stay at overnight. I am friends with the mom, have been for about 4 years. She is an X heroin addict. Her boyfriend (and father of her 2 younger boys) is also an X heroin addict. Well after dropping Tink off and coming home, the next day I was supposed to go back there and spend the day with my friend while the kids played. I called her up to set up a time and I get the hemming & hawing. Plans have changed because the boyfriend is still getting high and she has to drive him to the city so he can steal merchandise to sell it so he has money to get high. Neither one of them work. They live off the social security that her oldest son collects. He gets that because his father passed away. From what? A heroin overdose. She won't leave this guy. She'd rather enable him.

    Anyways, when I found out that the guy was still using, I flipped. I told her to bring my child home and be done with it.

    Now not only have I had to detach, but now Tink has lost a friend because of it. It really stinks.

    So, you have my empathies and sympathies. And my huggathies too.
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Thanks guys.

    I know it has to be her choice. And she will probably have to lose everything before she truely considers it, knowing her the way I do. Even if that happens, it might not be enough to turn her around.

    I'll keep a watch over her from a distance. This is a small town, that's not hard to do. I just hope she can before it kills her. Her liver and kidneys are already being seriously affected. Between the BiPolar (BP) medications (alot) and the heroin her body is being overloaded.

    I never have loaned her money. Never. It's good to have the excuse that I'm poorer than she is. But I did take over some extra food I didn't want to expire in our pantry to make sure the boys had something to eat. I don't feel bad about that except I know it gave her more money for the drug. So I won't be doing it in the future.

    Just so sad to watch all that potential go down the tubes.:pouting:
  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Gentle hugs-it's so hard but like the others said you are doing the right thing.
  12. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    It takes a lot to kill a junkie. Heroin is actually not that bad for you, if taken PROPERLY. I'm not advocating drug addiction, because the problem with heroin is if you take it to get high, the dose has to keep escalating and the risk of overdose as well as everything else you have to do in order to maintain your supply - THAT is what does the damage. In Britain where heroin is available medically to terminally ill patients - it's supervised, nobody gets high and they can function really well.

    With illicit drug use, the problems are unexpected because it comes from getting contaminated supply (it's cut with something toxic; or maybe not cut enough, so they overdose) or it comes from sharing needles, or not being clean enough when you inject - all sorts of problems including eventually, collapsing veins, deep bacterial infections (they can damage the kidneys as well as the heart and other internal organs) and any other drugs they try along the way (also to excess) to try and cope when they can't get enough heroin. It's the prostitution, the other risks of the people they mix with - it's all progressively nasty not only for the addict, but for anyone dependent on them or associated with them. You can get dragged down with them so easily, and when all they want is the drug, the shock that they really don't care like they used to, like they should - it's devastating.

    You're doing the right thing to detach.