Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by threebabygirls, Jun 19, 2009.

  1. threebabygirls

    threebabygirls New Member

    Why is it difficult child is an angel for everyone but me? I get so tired of being called a XXXXX, being told I'm stupid, hearing "I hate you!" *sigh* Some days it doesn't seem worth it to get out of bed.
    Lasted edited by : Jun 19, 2009
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Which child is this, and what other behaviors do you see that bother you? Do you feel you have the right diagnosis?

    Many times our kids pick on us because they are unhappy and know that, no matter what, we will still love them--it's a way to say "I'm miserable, and I have to blame somebody so it's you." It's very common behavior to have them act great for everyone but us.
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    difficult child is angel to everyone but you, because no one else loves her unconditionally. No one else sticks by her no matter what. No one else knows all of her secrets, her flaws, her failings and her "ugly side"--because if they did, they might go away and never come back.

    So sorry that you are dealing with this.....


  4. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    When I used to lament that my girls acted out for me, and not their dad when they visited him, a counselor told me that it was because they felt safe with me.

    My dad once sent me an article about "I hate you." It was about not letting those three words get to you because if your kids' said them, it meant you were giving them healthy boundaries. They were supposed to hate you for that. (ha.. and I remember saying that to my dad when I was a teenager!)

    I tried hard to keep those things in mind during the many many battles in the later years!

    It's never easy .. but I think almost all of us have been there. Hugs.
  5. threebabygirls

    threebabygirls New Member

    Thanks, all. MwM, it's my difficult child. I think we have the correct diagnosis. Whether or not the ODD/ADHD are the only things there remains to be seen. Her concerta does help, especially with her impulse control, but some days it doesn't seem enough. I'm sure it's partly my fault for not having a schedule to adhere to (our mealtimes and bedtime are the same each day, we just don't do the same thing the rest of the time, every day). Her misbehavior that bothers me the most is her near-constant fighting with her sisters. She pushes and pushes until they lash out or start crying. I end up with a headache every afternoon. Everything has to be her way, or she pitches a fit.
    CrazyinVa, I've heard too, that if they say "I hate you" it means you're doing something right. Most days I can brush it off, but on days like today it wears me down. It doesn't help that the 5 yr old has started mimicking difficult child's backtalk.
  6. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I feel your pain.

    According to my difficult child, *I* am the source of all her problems. Yet, *I* am the only one that has spent years trying to find the right help for her, the only one (in my family) who doesn't think she is just a brat, etc.

    It gets really old. The rolling off your back thing does get easier. I think at some point you just start to become immune. It makes me tired, though.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. It really does wear you down, doesn't it?

    Not sure if this would work, but when mine got to the squabbling and physical fighting I would make them put their hands on the top of their heads. It limited what they could do.

    It is also veddy veddy helpful in stores!! No more checkout surprises from stuff they snuck into the basket!

    It does say loads that she acts out around you. It means she trusts you. Not to hurt her, not to leave her, not to stop loving her and not to stop caring for her.

    Isn't is a lot of fun to be on the receiving end of all that when the kid is pushing you away to test your love?? NOT!!
  8. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member

    I have so been there done that! It's exhausting to be the target all the time. I can't tell you how tired I am of being called an idiot.

    But the others are right: Loving your difficult child no matter what opens the floodgates. Just remember, you do not have to believe what she says. She is venting, but that doesn't make it true. You are not a XXXXX, and you are not a bad mother.

    One other note: You mentioned that the Concerta doesn't seem enough on some days. It never worked all that well for us; Vyvanse has been way more effective and lasts at least 3-4 hours longer. Just something to consider.
  9. Jeppy

    Jeppy New Member

    I hear "I hate you daily" and I sometimes respond, "If you hate me so much, we can work on finding a foster home for you where you can be happier."

    Of course, difficult child is quick to let me know he doesn't want that though!
  10. threebabygirls

    threebabygirls New Member

    It does get old, fast. Just one more thing to deal with on a daily basis.

    Jeppy, when difficult child tells me (or husband) "I hate you" we usually respond with "well, I love you." That usually diffuses the situation. Sometimes it doesn't. On the days where I'm stressed to the max and she screams "I hate you" I just say "I don't care."
    I don't show hurt or anger or any emotion really. I know all she's trying to do is get a strong reaction so I strive to avoid walking into that trap.