funeral or reception - need etiquette help again!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Shari, Mar 6, 2008.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Ok guys, I just need Heloise to come to my house, cause I am a social faux pas, anyway...

    Here's the deal. My neice got married in Hawaii on February 18. Her reception is this Saturday 4 hours from here. She wanted to have a hog roast like we did for our reception, so my gift to her was a hog and the roasting. I am supposed to pick up the hog at 10am Saturday (which adds an hour to the trip). The reception starts at 5. Also, this is one of the 2 nieces that lived with me 6 days a week until she was almost 3 while her mom finished school.

    husband's grandmother passed away last night. She was 98, I think. She lived in a nursing home. I've only met her a couple of times. husband doesn't "like" hospitals/homes/dying, so he visisted once a year if forced, even tho she lived very close. He doesn't even visit his parents in the hospital when they are there for whatever reason (which is fairly frequent). I'm sure the funeral will be Saturday. I hope it will be at 10, but I'm guessing it will be noon, and if its at noon, it will make the hog late getting to the reception. And being the reception is a long ways away, I can't just ask a buddy to run the hog over for me...

    I'm praying I don't have to choose, but if I do, what's the right thing to do here???

    (I guess I'll also throw in the neice's mom's mother almost died Monday night, and neice's mom made the decision to take her off the ventilator, but was not going to let it impact the reception, it would go on. However, when they took her off the ventilator, she rallied and pulled thru on her own...)
  2. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    When in doubt I would choose the living over the dead. Is your husband going to the funeral? How close are you with his family? I think I would tell them you are in charge of a wedding reception (a slight exaggeration) and tell them you would be happy to be there for viewing or whatever on Friday, but can't be there on Saturday. This was your prior the wedding. I'm thinking your relationship with niece is more important than deceased husband grandmother, besides a wedding reception is MUCH more fun than a funeral!!!!!
  3. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Goodness! That's quite a conundrum.

    Is it possible to get someone from the wedding party to pick up the hog? I know it's a long drive, but it seems like just the sort of adventure that a crew of groomsmen would take to.

    Then you'd be able to attend husband's grandmother's funeral, and arrive at the reception on time, having already supplied the hog.

    by the way, a hog roast wedding reception sounds like a blast. Way more fun than the prim tea-and-sandwiches things I'm used to.

    Hope it all works.
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Well ......if you and husband don't go to the wedding - what would the bride say?

    If you don't go to grandmas funeral - what would she say?

    I think your choice is clear - send a card, a plant to the funeral home, and make your nieces wedding a day to remember. If there are calling hours you can go to that and it serves the same.
  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'd send hubby to make an appearance at the funeral, and then join me at the reception.
  6. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    I'm with Witz--it is husband's grandma, let him go to the funeral (or not, as he wishes). You go to wedding reception and I order you to have fun!
  7. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    You know what, after reading advice from Witz, Jane and Star, I take my advice back. I agree with them. You go to the reception and have fun. Let husband manage his g'ma's funeral.

  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I think that if husband didn't even visit her, the funeral won't be his priority. I would go to the reception, taking the hog on time, and let husband do what he felt he needed to - funeral, reception, or neither. I know my husband does not have a very close relationship to his family. He is totally in charge of all aspects of our relationship with them. I interfered earlier in our lives, now I stay back and let him do it. Saves a LOT of trouble for me.

    I really think the prior commitment to the wedding is a much stronger priority.