Got 20 texts from difficult child at 4am

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by AmericanGirl, Feb 6, 2012.

  1. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    My phone goes nuts at 4 am. There are 20 texts from difficult child.

    I don't know what to think. This isn't "normal" behavior for him. I'll copy them because I think exact words convey intent much better than any summary I can create.

    Just glad it is 4am, so I feel no pressure to reply now. Besides, he needs to sit with this a while.

    Hey, I'm not sleeping tonight because I slept a lot this afternoon and I can catch up on it tomorrow but I wanted to let you know that I love you and appreciate everything you do for me day in and day out. I know that we don't see eye to eye on plenty of things but regardless I love you. unconditionally. You are the best mom I could ever ask for and you've slaved for me to grow up the right way since I was young and even when I was a a little boy and then a teenager moving up into manhood without a father figure you made it uncomprehendingly easy for me. I know that you love me and you would do anything for me.

    From this point on I'm going to do whatever it takes to bring our relationship back to the way it was when I was 11. I promise you can mark my words I'm going to start treating you with the utmost respect as you deserve and stop my self-righteous, immature bull#$%^ about disrespecting you when I don't really want to be judged by the ones who really don't matter. I don't want you to think for one moment more that you are not the person I care for and love for more than anyone else other than God.

    I did a lot of thinking today and tonight in my room just listening to music by myself. I came to a much more logical perspective which is I should drop my ego and come back to reality. I've accepted so much from you. Myself I've been acting like a selfish little brat and I look at that and feel so embarrassed and I want to sincerely apologize to you and I would also like to do that tomorrow if not in person on the phone because right now I know the most important things in my life are God, you, myself, my education/future and my friends which I trust with everything in me. I love you so much and I just want you to know that.

    Last night, two friends helped me realize that I have basically put you through hell and it's about time I man up and take responsibility for the way I have treated you. I know you told me this dozens of times and honestly because the way I viewed you at the time presented me from actually taking it into consideration because everything you've said to me for the past couple years has gone in one ear and out the other. Right now I don't want to freak you out by this but I really just have been thinking a lot and I've cried thinking about it for a few hours and I just was able to humble myself enough to exit my exterior shell of my own arrogance and my willingness to give up everything to make sure I have my independence and do it all on my own.

    No I'm not high or drunk simply enlightened and I want to show you I'm serious about this and I'll show you very soon not text messages, verbally or temporarily, but through my new actions in which I hope you call me out if I screw up in which I pray I don't but this feels much better to come out and tell you this than I think any feeling I think I have ever had in my life. I love you and I hope you never ever feel like questioning that again in your life.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well I hope he has really had that bolt of enlightenment that can happen to a person that they have been screwing up their life and now it is time to grow up. What I called it was time to put away my toys and become an adult. I felt like I had been a child for a certain amount of time and then the time came for me to grow up and put away my previous life aka my toys and I was a totally different person. I never looked back. Oh there are times when I can remember those teen years with a sort of fondness but I never repeated anything I ever did.

    For you and your son I really hope that this is the case. It would be a wonderful thing if he had a good look at his life and decided that things simply werent looking like they were going in the right direction for him the way he was going and now he was going to try a new way.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I remember having a time like this too, not quite so dramatic but just saying time to stop... time to just do the right thing (I was immersed in anorexia and bulimia at the time). I really did embrace treatment and have never looked back, not even urges.

    Has he always been a little spiritual or are these friends from a religious group? Spirituality can be a huge help/support. Of course we all know some who make that the next big thing they cling to to feel better so just wondering if this seems normal to you in terms of level of reference to God or if it seems like he is on a new path? I hope if it is, it is a healthy form, not the cult-ish kind.

    I would feel good about this, but I have no clue about these things with addicts. You all say that they always lie, but I suppose as he said, the proof will be in his actions over time. I am sure it is hard to maintain that if you are going through withdrawal symptoms etc. For both of you, I really hope this is a change. But if it is not, you STILL know these thoughts are in him and that is a good thing. He seems to have a really good heart under this all.

    odd that he sent it at 4 but I suppose he figured texting wouldn't wake you. HUGS and fingers crossed....
  4. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    The friends he mentioned are both troubled kids without much of a support system.

    He is spiritual and has always been happiest when he and hs higher power were in touch. No cult thing. Normal.

    Think the best response is kind and supportive. Personally, I have to remain detached for my sanity.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    That is good then... sounds like he is processing, you are guarding your heart/sanity, and he can start the work if he is serious. A kind, supportive response sounds really reasonable. Hope he can do this. Everyone deserves the chance if they put in the work, but it can't be given to any of us, we have to do it ourselves.
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I'm always a little suspicious of ANY conversation happening at 4 am. Ideas that seem so brilliant in the dead of night tend to fade away in the harsh reality of mid-day...

    I would not respond at all right now...and he's not really asking you to anyway...he has just laid out his intentions (Which sound wonderful by the way!)... The next step is really up to him, and if his messages were sincere (and not some kind of 4am drunk thing) you should hear from him very soon. And if his messages were not sincere - then he's probably already forgotten whatever his big epiphany was...

    When he contacts you, I would mention that I read the messages. As in: Hi, Mom! How are you? I'm fine! I really appreciated what you said in your texts the other night.

    And take it from there...
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'd be cautiously optimistic. Many of our difficult child's are night owls so the time of day wouldn't unduly concern me. Whether he follows through or not you now know that he is "thinking" and that can lead to wonderful steps forward...or not. I'm rooting for him. I'm rooting for you. Hugs DDD
  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Lock those texts because they come few and far between. I'm not sure what I think of them, I want to jump up and down in joy for you. But of course we all know that it's important to wait and see what it really means. I'm hoping that this new personality carries through to the light of day and that he really does repeat this to your face, or at least your ear.

    And if it is true, then send those friends of his over to my house.

  9. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hate to be a Debbie Downer but my difficult child has had those ephiphanies over and over again. The problem is that she goes right back to the bad behavior inbetween.

    I hope that your difficult child's ephiphany is the lasting kind.

  10. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I think you got it right...Be kind, hope for the best but guard your heart & observe his actions over time. I am truly hoping this is the beginning of a new life for him and you. -RM
  11. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I hope it's a good sign and the beginning of a new lifestyle. I also worry that it's the equivalent of drunk dialing. So let's hold on to the hope without letting go of our heads.

    X'ing fingers for you
  12. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    The 4am thing doesn't concern me - I mean, if we had technology back when I was that age, I'd have probably done that too... and I was absolutely "clean" (no "drug of choice" of any kind, not even a boyfriend...) but also totally a night-owl. In university, it was rare for me to be in bed before 3am at the earliest.

    He probably thought your phone would be turned off and you'd get it later...

    Time will tell.
  13. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Keeping my fingers crossed for you. Hope he follows through with what he says.
  14. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    I think you have your head on . I hope he is able to carry through. He probably means all he said. Noone wants to be an addict and doing the things they do to people they really do love. Just a question...could this be mania? You have possible bipolar in your signature. Also if this is so-could the welbutrin be making things worse? I've herad that some antidepressants can do this. I don't know. Just a question.
  15. buddy

    buddy New Member

    any word from him today??
  16. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    [Just a question...could this be mania? You have possible bipolar in your signature. Also if this is so-could the welbutrin be making things worse? I've herad that some antidepressants can do this. I don't know. Just a question.]


    Yes, antidepressants can do that. The shrink confirmed that to me recently. He hasn't ever truly had a mania, just hypomania but at his age. that may be normal.
  17. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    [any word from him today??]

    Hi Buddy...thanks for asking. I saw him for several hours. Many big differences:

    1. He brought a friend to the car to meet me. VERY unusual. Normally, he would prefer I wear my invisible cloak so no one can see me.
    2. He asked about my work and complimented my purse and knew it was new.
    3. He volunteered a lot more information and there wasn't that weird tension.
    4. I am tutoring him in an online class. He had read the assignment and was prepared.
    5. He said he was going back to Celebrate Recovery this week and had been hanging out at the local Student Ministry a lot.
    6. On our way back, he saw three friends. He had me stop to visit with them. Again, I'm supposed to not exist normally.

    Not taking anything for granted. Gonna see where the road leads but for today, it was okay.
  18. Signorina

    Signorina Guest


    Yay!! Crossing fingers and hoping this is the start of something great!
  19. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest


    I thought the texts were lovely and sounded sincere. I think the behavior when you saw him is a good sign. Be prepared for it to change again... but even if it does, doesn't mean he is not sincere when he said it. I think at this age they often mean in the moment what they say they feel... but that may change in another moment and they don't stay in touch with the earlier feelings. Clearly though he feels a strong connection to you and is letting you know that. So hold on to that even when times get tough.

  20. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest


    Wise advice...i shall remember your words. Thank you!