She's been out on the street three months now. Last time we heard from her was about six weeks ago. She called wife about getting into detox, but she went underground again and nothing came of it. Three to four weeks ago I got a call from a friend of hers, but again, we heard nothing further. About ten days ago wife got a letter. I was away working, but I'm home now for a bit. wife showed me the letter. It is quite long, seven pages, and rambles quite a bit but the gist is, "I've really screwed things up. I wish I could come home but I know I can't. I'm doing a little better now and trying to get back on track, but I'm going to do it my way and nobody is going to tell me what to do. I don't need to be in an institution or do this on anybody else's timetable. I hate myself but I'm not totally gone. I have to grow up. Please tell easy child 1 the pain I feel when I think about how much I love her." I am mostly encouraged by the sentiments expressed in this letter. It seems like she's realizing that only she can change her life, if she wants it to change bad enough. There is still a lot of blaming others, which is something she will have to overcome, but it is directed at "people" or "life" - it's sort of like she just discovered that life isn't always fair and not all people have her best interests at heart. In the past, she would have singled out a bad guy (wife and/or me, or bio-dad, or the latest boyfriend - not that bio-dad or the boyfriends didn't richly deserve "bad guy" status, mind you) and trotted out a laundry list of grievances, so this is progress of a sort, I think. She still sees rules and boundaries and expectations as impinging on her freedom rather than being something that she has to respect as a functioning member of society. The bit about "tell easy child 1 the pain I feel" disturbs me very much, it shows that it is still "all about her". My thought on reading that was, you're wanting to get absolution from a nine-year-old child to whom you have done immeasurable psychological damage because YOU feel bad thinking about what you did to her? How selfish can you possibly be? Obviously we told easy child 1 nothing of the sort. difficult child also included a two page letter to easy child 1, mostly apologies and assurances of how much she loves her, but can't see her right now because she isn't living right and is not healthy but she is trying so maybe one day she can see her again. easy child 1 has not seen the letter and says that she does not want to read it. She has heard it all before.